If I could base my psychic abilities on my Teen Mom predictions, I would be vying for my own reality show called The Snarky Psychic.
We begin with Maci and Kyle making one of the stupidest mistakes of their lives. They are signing the closing papers. It’s really sweet when Maci tells Bentley they’re getting a new house and he says he doesn’t want to leave. Why? Because her house is his favorite – because it’s Mommy’s house. Awww. Too bad she kinda’ sucks at being a mom. But Ryan sucks more at being a dad. This poor child’s choice in parents is like our choices in presidents every single election.
The countdown to Farrah discarding her child begins now. Farrah is trying to make flashcards for her culinary class, something about high balls. My naïve mind regarding both fine dining and drugs immediately thought high balls were something like eight balls. Maybe she’s learning how to make heroin? Oh wait, is this something fancy that I’ll never cook or eat? Probably.
Meanwhile, Sophia is resisting sleep and trying to hang out with Mommy. Instead of physically putting Sophia back into bed, Farrah just whines at her that she should put herself back in bed. You know, because 2-year-old children are really good at putting themselves to bed…and following instructions. Farrah is making flashcards with Sharpies, which is only antagonizing Sophia. What kid doesn’t get 12 kinds of excited when they see a marker? Farrah scolds and blames Sophia for ruining her chances at studying with trying not one time to get her back into bed, and retires for the evening. Great job, Farrah. Way to really stick it to her. I bet she’ll really fear you when she’s a bratty teenager.
Well, at least her shirt is responsible.
Gary’s moving into his new house, so Amber gets to see her baby. It seems Gary keeps running out of town and leaving Leah with his mom without telling Amber. JJ calls Amber and asks her how outpatient rehab is going. Oh, well…not at all. She basically tells him that she’s getting the opposite of support outside of rehab, which is absolutely the truth. JJ is worried about her having any desire to do what she needs to do to get better, but I have to agree with Amber that it’s much harder when no one around you wants you to get better.
At least she has the energy to get her nails done and apply horrible false eyelashes.
In Michigan, Ty, Cate, Ty’s Mom, and his sister go out for breakfast to discuss Butch’s arraignment. Ty doesn’t really want to go, but he will because his mom thinks he should be there. Ty’s sister is upset that her dad never tries to come see her kids, but he got all pissy about Carly’s adoption.
I feel sorry for Ty’s sister, but for a completely different reason. She seems to have the same syndrome I have. It’s when you have a brother who is incredibly good looking and you live your entire life looking totally awkward. Somehow, one child gets all the positive physical genes and all you get is the brains. I bet she went through the same thing in school that I did. The girls at school don’t want to give you the time of day until they ask you what the hell you think you’re doing talking to the hottest guy in school and you shudder and tell them that guy is your brother. Suddenly, they’re your best friend and you get to happily tell them to fuck off.