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DirecTV and Viacom have settled, so I get to have my Teen Mom back on my boob tube. It’s just not the same watching these dipshits on a small, non-HD screen. It just doesn’t capture the idiocy as well.
Because Farrah and Ashley think Debra is the most horrible, abusive mother on the planet, Farrah leaves Sophia with her to go out on a date. Poor guy, I wonder if he’s ever watched Teen Mom. I don’t know a guy on this earth desperate enough to date a girl with such a ghastly personality. And I know guys that would screw a hole in a tree if no one was around.
Daniel, Farrah’s date, shows up and I just can’t take it anymore. Has anyone noticed over the last couple of episodes the dreadful cottony straggles hanging off Farrah’s head? It’s like the Staypuft Marshmallow Man exploded right near her and she didn’t have time to wash her hair. OK, OK, I realize after close-ups that it’s feather extensions, but they look like crap to me.
Daniel is really nice and asks her a lot about herself. He asks if she’s been to the beach a lot and her response is much calmer than I expected. Instead of outright and defensively stating that she’s too damn busy to spend time at the beach, she just says she’s too busy. Good girl, Farrah. I’m wondering if she’s used up all of her niceness on this one thing and will initiate bitch mode from this point on.
Daniel has been around kids his whole like, so he loves kids and, judging by his demeanor, he’s great with them. He’s from Austin, which makes me like him even more and also makes me want to scream “RUN!!!” A guy hailing from Austin is the polar opposite of Farrah. He wants to eventually move back to Austin and he suggests she go sometime. She wants to ride cows and bulls, because, you know, Texas is just undeveloped country. I loathe this mentality, being a native Texan. I’ve actually had people ask me if we ride horses everywhere and wear 10-gallon hats in Dallas. Yeah, because technology hasn’t reached this area despite the fact that it’s a major telecommunications hub. And for this comment aimed towards Austin? All those crunchy hippies there would probably slap her across the face for wanting to ride a bull, except they’d be too baked to work up the energy. Again, RUN, Daniel, RUUUUN!!! You’re way too good for her.
Back at Maci’s, she’s trying to work the reverse psychology on Bentley about preschool. The reverse of the reverse psychology the rest of us use on our kids about going to school, anyway. Bentley, of course, cries that weak-ass cry our kids use to get out of doing stuff they don’t want to do. Good parents say, “Oh please. Let’s go. Get your shoes on.” Instead, Maci holds him and Kyle says, “OK, you don’t have to go.” Maci reacts as though she’s the good parent who thinks that’s the wrong way to go about this. Sorry, Kyle, but you’re being way too straight forward about this. You’re supposed to pretend you want him to go, while saying a bunch of things that will make him not want to go. Hello!