The Amazing Race Season 20 Finale: Part I

Recaps

By Fran and Berry | Tuesday, May 8, 2012 | 12:00 pm | 11 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Amazing Race, Recaps

In the morning Team Blowup says they talked last night and resolved some issues and they feel much better. Yeah, make-up sex’ll do that. Rachel says Dave can take his “poopy pants off now.” Gross. We certainly hope he wasn’t wearing those for their make-up sex.

A man arrives with the clues and the teams must go to Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park. They have to go back to Hiroshima?! Heeeere we go again! Once there they must find the Atomic Blast Dome. Then, things get real. Phil tells us the tragic story about the A-bomb and the destroyed building that has remained untouched since the blast. All the teams take a real moment to reflect. Except for Dave who takes the moment to justify the bombing by talking about how many people died in Pearl Harbor. Dude, shut up and try to be respectful for two seconds without having to be right, okay? Geeze.

Now teams must head to Osaka Japan by high speed bullet train! Weeeee!!! And they’re going to the TV 8 Studios. So from the gravitas of the A bomb site to be part of some crazy, weird Japanese TV show? This leg truly has both the ying and the yang.

Fran would fit in in Japan perfectly because she’s used to wearing those SARS masks all the time. It only comes off for peanut M&M’s!

Team Reality and Blowup are taking the subway while Boy Guns and Second Chance are taking a cab. It’s a mode of transportation race! And…the cab wins big time. Suck it the environment!

201205081015

“Um, why are there so many Asians here?”

Boy Guns shows up at the studio. The studio must be excited to have all these free cameramen for their shows! Roadblock: “Who wants to bring home the chicken?” As long as they don’t have to choke it first we’ll be good. Cut to the crazy, messed up, “hilarious” Japanese game show! Art runs in to the crowd chanting and a terribly stereotypical host. Team members must run on a treadmill and jump up and grab three rubber chickens dangling from the ceiling, alongside crazy noises and overly colorful everything. Remember when we were reflecting at Hiroshima, it felt so long ago. Phil explains the game show while standing next to the host of the fake game show. It’s so meta our brains just ate themselves.

Art starts running, grabs a chicken and falls. Then again. And for the third time! Then he falls without grabbing a chicken. Twice. The Japanese crowd laughs at the crazy American. Ironic.

Unfortunately, Team Second Chance’s cab driver took them to the wrong TV studio. Meanwhile Team Boy Guns finished the task and are in first place!

Now they must make their way to roof of the Umeda Sky Building and look for a pair of Windows 7 touch screens. Just double click and chose a detour. Phil, no! You’re describing how simple it is for a robot to take your job! And by the way, we’re only on Windows 7? No wonder we’re writing this recap on a Mac.

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Brought to you by “Hastily Created Logos Inc.”

Team Second Chance arrives and bad ankle Vanessa has to do the running and jumping roadblock. This could be bad. Reality Brendan and Blowup Rachel show up to the game show set right on their tail. All three are running and Brendan is kicking ass! Vanessa, on the other hand, is getting her ass kicked. Brendan gets scolded for diving onto the mat instead of making a clean landing and Blowup Rachel is catching up. Brendan wins and then Rachel. Vanessa only has one measly chicken and Ralph is screaming at her to come over to him so he can hug her and tell her it’s okay. It’s sweet? He tells her they can take the penalty because her ankle is hurting so badly. And as much as it pains us to say it, he’s right. In her confessional she says her ankle hurt so bad it was the worst moment of her life. Damn. SO what does she do? She takes off one of her shirts for some reason and keeps going! She is yelling in pain and grabs the third chicken! Now she just needs to land on the blue mat.

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Out of context this is so confusing. In context it’s also very confusing.

Team Boy Guns gets to the sky building and get to the Windows 7 detour. Phil, the real Phil, not a Windows 7 robot version, tells us this detour deals with two things the Japanese people are passionate about. Blow up sex dolls and creepy underage anime? No! Sushi and Sumo wrestling. In Bingo Shout Out teams must pick up sushi from a conveyor belt and put it on a bingo card. When the bingo caller calls out names of sushi the teams must identify the kind and mark off the card and get sushi bingo. Then the teams must eat all five winning pieces to get their next clue. Uh-oh, now Fran wants sushi which she’s not supposed to have! Oh well, she’s already eaten beef tar-tar, drank a bottle of wine, sat in a jacuzzi, gotten her hair died and she works in a nail salon. A little sushi should be fine. But we’re confused, when do they have to eat an obscene amount of wasabi?

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Fran and Berry are not just a sexy elderly couple who competed in Season 9 of the Amazing Race, they are also us, Mike Betette and Amanda Ohly.  We are similarly married and similarly carry backpacks all over the world.  Some people ask us "how do you keep the spark alive in your marriage?"  And to that we respond: reality tv.  Tons of reality tv.  Sexy, fighty, douchey reality tv.  We are both comedians living in Los Angeles and we love Robin Hood and we did NOT contribute to the Harlem Shake.  Google us for more, ya dirty stalker!

11 Comments

  1. 1
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    You think you hate Rachel and Brendan? You’ve only sat through 12 hours of these two. I sat through an entire summer of BIG BROTHER with Rachel and Brendan AND IT WAS ON THREE TIMES A WEEK!

    All these people saying, “Oh, poor Rachel. Vanessa is so mean to her.”

    Uh, Rachel deserves everything she gets. That “event hostess”: which is code for HOOKER in Vegas — is now an AMAZING RACE loser. I wish PHIL would have kicked her FAT ass off the stage and said, “GO back to Vegas you ugly, old skank and take your border patrol hating, small penis (I’ve seen the photos), “always a student” boyfriend with you.”

    Felt bad for Ralphie and Vanessa. It was painful to watch her running and jumping. It wasn’t her fault. They just got dealt a bad hand.

  2. 2
    trixiebell
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    I just noticed the “about the author” tab and found out that you are not the real Fran and Berry from Amazing Race 9. That explains how “fran” can be pregnant. I wondered all season about that.

  3. 3
    Jimbob Jones
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Blowup Rachel was friggin’ adorable this entire episode. From Dave’s initial schpiel (where she kept saying “soldier” over and over again until he conceded) to her “poopy pants” comment (and her multiple smackdowns of Dave in the second half), I think I fell in love with her a little bit. Too bad she’s married to such a humongous douchewad.

    I understand disliking BB (I dislike them myself), but the simple fact is, being a catty bitch to someone who has done NOTHING to you makes you more unlikable, which is why I hated Team Eleventieth Chance more than Team BB.

    I hated them even MORE because their nasty attitude had me rooting for Team BB to beat them. Since I hate Team BB, that put me into a bit of a quandary, making me hate Eleventieth chance even MORE. It’s a vicious cycle. Too bad Vanessa couldn’t have shown half the heart the rest of the race that she showed this episode — I might have actually been cheering for her instead of wanting her to lose.

    All told, outside of Bopper and Barfer and Blowup Rachel, this season was a whole lot of boring teams, and a whole lot of unlikable ones. Not a stellar season by any stretch of the imagination. Especially when it came to the final 4 and I didn’t like any of the teams (except for one member of one of the teams).

  4. 4
    Chicken Lips
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Am I the only one rooting for Border Patrol (or was rooting for Border Patrol) during the second half? Not because they are awesome or deserving of the win, but only because they gave Bopper and Mark part of their money they won one leg. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t be sad if a big sinkhole swallowed all the teams up on the way to the hotel after the pit stop.

    I did like Blowup Rachel when she started talking back to Capt. Dillweed, but it was about 14 legs to late for me to actually cheer for her.

    Team Kentucky for All Stars!

  5. 5
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    @trixiebell: I found out last season was shocked, I tell ya, shocked! This was pre-pregnancy so they even deeper in character…it was seamless. After, I found out the weren’t the real Fran and Berry I felt duped. Then I loved it because, boy, are they committed.

    Keep up the good work guys!

  6. 6
    Clair Clair
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I stalked… I mean checked them out a few months ago on IMDB.

    Great recap. Pat your belly for me, Fran!!

  7. 7
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Mr. D said of Brendan, “. . . small penis (I’ve seen the photos).”

    Uh, I’ve seen the photos too. Just WHAT are you packing that you think he’s a tiny dicked guy?

  8. 8
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    “Am I the only one rooting for Border Patrol (or was rooting for Border Patrol) during the second half?”

    Yes.

    ;-)

  9. 9
    zerocool
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    He must be psychic because everything Jimbob Jones said is what I was thinking!!

  10. 10
    carol
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Out of the four final teams, I was definitely rooting for Border Patrol. Reality Rachel and Second Chance Vanessa are both evil b***hs. Rachel is just as catty and mean, some of the things she was saying in the PI were awful. And the way she acts all the time, it is such a cry for help (no pun intended). Since she totally DVRed her Big Brother time and watched it all, you could tell she knows how to play for the cameras. There were a couple of times that after doing something, she would quickly look directly into the camera.

    I know someone has asked this earlier in the season, but what happens if a team wins a trip during this race by coming in first, but they break-up, no longer friends, etc. Who gets the trip? Do they have to pay taxes for the trips/prizes they win?

    Can wait for part two! I will admit, I was yelling at my computer while watching.

  11. 11
    Theo
    Posted May 12, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    Funniest tvgasm comment ever: She’s the second worst thing to happen to Hiroshima. Priceless.

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