Meanwhile, poor, poor team Blowup (Yes, we can’t believe we feel that way either) is paddle boarding across a giant lake for no reason. Ohhhh mannn….Then, they finish and run to the finish line….WAIT, WHAT?! Yup, they arrive to all kinds of clapping and they are all kinds of excited while we are all kinds on confused. How did they even get there, how did they know where to go?? Shhh, let’s see if Phil can straight out this mess.
Phil tells them they have not completed the roadblock and he cannot check them in until they complete it. Everyone is VERY confused. Including us. They cut to commercial, probably because Dave just tried to fight Phil and just steal the million dollars.
We’re back and off they paddle back. Ohhhhhh… so the paddling IS a task, they just skipped the sled task and somehow went right to paddling. Well Team Boy Guns is sittin’ pretty right now even though they are thinking they are way far behind. And what about team Reality? Who cares!! Blowup searches for Coral Kingdom which is apparently is a half mile way, so they start running as Dave berates Rachel, she’s not running fast enough. Oh Dave, you suck so badly.
Why did she take her shirt off?
Team Blowup arrives at the wooden sleds. Boy Guns realizes they still have a chance! Rachel gets ready to sled and it is super dramatic and neck and neck! Dave screams at Rachel, “Come on baby, we know how to sled, let’s do it!!” She knows how to sled? Well, I guess she is from Wisconsin. Oh yeah, that’s probably why she says “baig” instead of “bag.” Art and Rachel are sledding down, falling off and going back up again. And…Rachel gracefully slides across that line thing. Of course she does. She is so tiny and svelte, she is exactly the size of the sled. Art on the other hand, let’s just say there’s a little “runoff” on either side. And I think that wraps this season up. Oh wait, the lava rock throw! Maybe there’s still a chance. And Art falls off the sled the 16th time. Damn. Rachel begins rock bowling, and before she even throws one rock Dave is yelling at her to focus on her technique. I love how Dave is the the most knowledgeable at everything. Even rolling lava rocks into a goal in an ancient Hawaiian game. Dave, please admit you have no idea what you’re talking about!! Finally, Rachel starts dropping some F bombs at him. Art falls for the 17th time and Rachel scores with the rock!
Come on throw at least one at Dave’s ankles for fun! Maybe Phil will do it. Or Taylor Wily! man, that guy can do anything, he’s so likable. And what an actor! Did you know his first role was on the Fox show North Shore. He played a bartender! JJ watches Blowup head to the finish line and says they were one sled ride away from a million dollars. That’s exactly how the guy who wanted Santa’s job feels.
Team Reality make it to the sleds and that just kills JJ more because he knows they were in second place. So, Team Blowup paddle boards BACK to Phil. Dave tells Rachel he’s proud of her no matter what. Sure, NOW you can say that, since there’s not much left to scream at her and blame her about. What a piece of shit.
So, more frustrating sledding and for some reason Reality Rachel is still crying about sledding even though she has clearly lost. And to add insult to injury, even she gets it before Art. And blah, blah, blah, more people who aren’t Blowup not heading to the finish line.
And the winner of season 20 is…Team Blowup. And we are very happy for half of them. We can only hope Rachel actually watches the show and has a giant revelation about what a piece of shit she’s married to. BUT, probably not, because she says this has been great for her relationship. If this was better than usual, we are really worried for her. Dave says he has a new appreciation for who his life partner is. Huh, so his wife isn’t his partner? because he has definitely not gained any appreciation for her.