The Bachelor Week 3 RECAP: Matching Bikinis and Empty Compliments

The Bachelor

By Dashley | Thursday, January 24, 2013 | 4:57 pm | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, The Bachelor

Sean seems to be trying to help out both teams, and the score stays really close for most of the game. The background music changes from 60s beach-rock to operatic strings and horns as the game gets more tense, and the ladies feel the stakes get higher. Aaaaaand the blue team wins! The LOSER red team melts into a hot mess of tears and regret. You would think their dog died. I mean, I’m competitive, and yeah, dude is hot, but it’s beach volleyball. And you lost. And you’re crying over a guy that’s dating 15 other women at the same time as you. 

“But what if he never gets to understand how truly special I am? I’m a snowflake!” 

At the after-party, Sean sits down with Lindsay, and it “means the world to her” that she won that time with Sean. Good God. She gives him all the cliched crap he wants to hear; she’s looking for her best friend, he amazes her, yada yada. He eats it right up. How can he amaze her when they really don’t know each other? When they’ve probably spent about ten minutes total together? Wouldn’t it be better to say something along the lines of “I really like what I’ve seen of you so far, and I look forward to getting to know you better?” He loves this side of her. What side? The side that gives you empty compliments? They make out. Things look good for Lindsay. 

Next up for SeanTime™ is Desiree, who feels like she’s extra-special because she already had a one-on-one date with Sean last week, and she tells us that she deserves it! He compliments her bikini from earlier, and her volleyball skillz. He also likes her confidence, which, thank you, Sean, because that is an actual specific character trait for you to admire in a person, and not an empty platitude. 

At the house, ThatBitchTierra reads out the next date card to the remaining bachelorettes. It is addressed to AshLee (who spells her name wrong by the way) and Selma. But wait! Wasn’t this supposed to be a one-on-one date? Don’t worry, Tierra was just playing! And Tierra is laughing so hard at her own joke! The card is really just addressed to AshLee, but after that little prank of hers, the girls have definitely now identified ThatBitchTierra as a big target of scorn in the house. Anyway, the card asks AshLee, “Do you believe in magic?”

Desiree asks Amanda (AKA Crazy from last week who sat on the sofa immobilized as though she was a resting robot until Sean walked into the room and she suddenly reanimated) what she’s going to do to get the rose on the group date, and Amanda replies “whatever I have to.” As she sits down for SeanTime™, she tells Sean that she knows what he’s looking for in a woman, and she’s sitting right next to him. Eyeroll. He thinks she’s kidding, and laughs, and tells her that she has a “genuine heart.” She tells him that if he marries her, she’ll bring a light, fun atmosphere to their life. Desiree, overhearing this conversation, gossips to the other ladies about Amanda’s different attitude with Sean vs the rest of the world, and her true intentions. Oh no! Not being there for the Right Reasons is a serious accusation, Desiree. 

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Dashley
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Loving pop culture since 1982. Loving TVGasm since 2012. I'd LOVE it if you followed me on twitter at @DashleyinCali.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Thanks for covering, Dashley! You are fabulous and I owe you a cyber-beer. :)

    So, it seems a bit weird that Sean wanted to do the record-setting kiss with Lesley…seeing as LAST WEEK he said that kissing her in front of the other girls was awkward.

  2. 2
    Erin
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    So sad..these girls are so wacky..what was up with Kaci?

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    @Erin A lot of the Bachelorians are wanting Kacie to be the next Bachelorette. I doubt that’ll happen though. I don’t think they’d want to have 2 in a row that are too religious to fuck.

  4. 4
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 3:52 am

    AshLee has one of those hillbilly faces where it’s hard to do tell if she’s pretty or ugly, because one minute she’s pretty damn hot (well, that body), the next minute she looks like a moldy dishrag.

    I really like that Lesley and her raccoon eyes though! I can believe she was kind of nerdy in high school, sure. Although how smart can she be if she came on this show? Still, I hope she sticks around.

    Because this season’s crop is pretty low-calibre in general. And on that group date — weren’t they all supposed to get in their bikinis and get in the pool together? Didn’t Sean specifically order them to do so? How come we didn’t get to see that? It’s not fair. I’m going to write to the producers. I couldn’t give a shit about their whole diversity thing. As long as it’s diversity in bikinis. No bikinis, no show.

    Also, you didn’t mention the Amazon blonde and her thunderthighs — the only one who ‘happened’ to be wearing a sarong over her bikini.

    At least Kacey’s off the show. She really turned out to be quite the sourpuss, didn’t she?

  5. 5
    Flippy Floppy
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 6:50 am

    I don’t believe for a second that Ashlee was happy that those girls were along on the date. Fake, fake, fake. She looked like she was forcing a smile over pissed off eyes. She wanted some Reese Witherspoon action on a rollercoaster and was cock blocked by those sick girls.

  6. 6
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    I thought the dog visit was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen on this show. It’s so much more tolerable with a nice guy at the helm. I usually don’t get at all what people see in the bachelor men of the past, esp. those on the show . . .
    This show has also never given me warm fuzzies, and now it is . . .

    I’m not sure what Kacie intended with sharing the drama. How bout that Amanda is a robot who only turns on when a man is in sight . . . I didn’t think Desiree did anything worth mentioning, and Tierra will bury herself soon enough. It’s also possible to just joke about how weird Amanda was and let him draw his own conclusions.

  7. 7
    Dashley Dashley
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA

    PopePhilly- Thanks! But I would prefer a cyber glass of wine, if you don’t mind! Hope I did you proud :-)
    Erin & K- Yeah, Kacie as Bachelorette? It actually could be interesting – she would be even more of an emotional mess than Ashley was. Remember Ashley was an olympic-size pool of tears every week? It was riveting television.
    Itchy- lol! I’m sorry I didn’t notice the sarong or a lack of a pool party! Maybe I was too mesmerized by Sean’s chest and arms to notice that the women were wearing more clothing than usual?
    Flippy- THANK YOU! I’m not alone in thinking that AL is super fake then? It’s a relief. I was starting to think maybe I’m a bad person or something.

  8. 8
    lauren
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 8:23 am

    I definitely do not want kacie b to be the next bachelorette. that would be even more boring than emily. i’d much rather have something like jillian harris, who definitely…enjoyed herself on her season. that being said, i’m surprised this season isn’t more boring, but that might just be because 95% of these girls have wacko tendencies. but what is up with these dates?? so boring!

    also, i totally agree on AL. she definitely seems a little fake but her story is so touching that i hope she makes it to hometowns so we can meet her dad, he seems awesome.

  9. 9
    Polk8dot
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    FFS, Kacie – I hope you’ve watched this episode and cried over your own stupidity. Also, over the drunkenness. That’s what brings on these moronic moments, girl, give it a rest… She was so sloshed when talking to Sean that she could not even follow her own train of thought, let alone verbalize it. The look on Sean’s face as he tried to figure out what her point was and why he should care was just priceless.
    Kacie would be horrible as a Bachelorette! She’s a BOOOOOOOOORRRRINNNNGGGGGG little daddy’s girl who has no opinions and ideas of her own. Plus she is clearly SOOOOO desperate for a mate, she’d debase herself so profoundly with much more stupid behavior.
    I can’t stand looking at her face after she’s had a few – her face gets puffy and eyes swollen, the pupils almost disappear, and the slits make her look like a sick frog. Each time she’s drunk I keep waiting for her to start her baccal pumping. She’s got a good slim figure (although there seems to be some bowleggedness). Clearly all the drinking is going right into her face – that bloated, swollen look is not good on anyone. And the tanning (or bronzing) has obviously gotten out of control. She’s in a deep need of an intervention, not another shot at TV fame and all the disappointment that comes before and after it.
    Also, what the hell was she wearing this whole season? Has someone in the house played a trick on her and heat-shrunk all her clothing into baby sizes? (I’m looking at you, TBTierra). Most of her skirts and dresses looked like they were painted onto her. That short and that tight is not good – I don’t care how long and skinny your legs may be. Your lady bits do not have to be aerated all the time – take a fricking douche instead.

    Sean is getting faker and more uncomfortable with each date. It’s almost like he’s never had a real, live girlfriend. He gets very flustered, starts giggling under his breath, and instead of following his own instincts starts thinking ‘what would Arie do right now?’. Then he tries to do just that, but unfortunately on him it only looks stupid.

    I had high hopes for this season, but it appears to be turning into a total snooze fest.

  10. 10
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:55 am

    The real fun of this season is watching Sean’s many expressions of shock and horror every time he has to kiss one of these girls. He’s definitely closing his eyes and thinking of Arie. Fortunately, he has that whole virginity pledge thing to protect him from going any further than a kiss. Otherwise he’d be in deep shit come Fantasy Suite time.

    I also like how Chris Hostdouchison doesn ‘t even pretend to take the show seriously anymore. He’s just phoning it in. Guess his divorce hit him pretty hard. Poor schmuck. Maybe he should be the next bachelor?

  11. 11
    Dashley Dashley
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Wow. Polk8dot. Phew. Do you feel better? I hope you feel better. And I agree I think? Except for this season being a snoozefest – I’m sorry, but it’s anything BUT a snoozefest when it brings on an epic rant like that. I mean… props.
    And YES Itchy! That’s brilliant! Chris Harrison as the Bachelor! I LOVE IT. Let’s start a petition with the White House!

  12. 12
    Gary
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    First, great recaps by you and PopePhilly. Keep up the good work.

    Second, it’s a shame how Kacie crashed and burned. I thought she was a sweetheart in Ben’s season, but something about her changed this time around. Who knows – maybe it was the drinking, as some have suggested, but she didn’t seem as happy-go-lucky.

    On the other hand, her warning Sean about the other girls was not a bad move per se, it was the execution that was a problem. If you recall how Emily tried to warn Ben about Courtney and Ben got all douchy on her, Emily was 100% right. Had Kacie said something to the effect of, \I don’t want you to get hurt\ as opposed to \they dragged me into this\ she might have survived.

    As for the others, it would be nice if the producers let us get to know them. I’m tired of this \what’s-her-name?\ business.

    I was surprised that he let Kristie go. She seemed like a sweetheart.

  13. 13
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 3:00 am

    Kacie was a sweetheart right up until the visit to her home, where we got a glimpse of her evil, control-freak father. At that point, it became perfectly clear what an emotional wreck she was.

    From my viewpoint as a guy : if a gal came up to me to “warn” me about one or more of the other gals, she’d be dead meat to me too. Firstly, because she’d be telling me that I’m not capable of seeing/judging a situation for myself (and that kind of nitpicking will only get worse as the relationship progresses). Second, because, as a guy, I couldn’t care less how crazy a woman might act when she’s not around me, as long as she’s not making me deal with her craziness. I imagine most guys have a similar “center-of-the-universe” vision of life. That’s what makes us so charming.

  14. 14
    Considerthis
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:38 am

    This just in

    ABC has announced the next Bachelorette which will air May 27, 2013.

    A southern California beauty – Lennay Kukua who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Back from the dead and oh so single and ready to mingle. After surviving a horrible car wreck – kickin cancer’s ass and outrunning the grim reaper this chick is a proven survivor. She’s looking for all you gullible, IQ under 80 jocks so come one come all to meet the love of your life!

  15. 15
    blazergirl
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Do these women watch the show? I don’t think warning the guy about another girl has ever worked out. Regardless of warning of the fact that “she is a totally different person around us than around you,” I don’t think one Bachelor has ever said, “you know, you’re right. I’ll send her home, thank you so much.” The warner almost always gets sent home right away. Itchy, I think your reasoning is dead on. Guys don’t want girls who appear jealous or to stir up more drama.

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