The Bachelor Week 3 RECAP: Matching Bikinis and Empty Compliments

The Bachelor

By Dashley | Thursday, January 24, 2013 | 4:57 pm | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, The Bachelor

Desiree is smart enough to keep her trap shut, but Kacie thinks since she’s the hardened combat vet here, she has a position of enough power that she can talk to Sean about Amanda and win some brownie points. She uses some convoluted logic that since she’s Desiree’s friend and Amanda is clearly Evil, she’s stuck in the middle. Even though she’s not a “drama person.” It hurts her. To his credit, Sean’s BS detector immediately starts loudly bleeping and flashing lights. After their conversation, Kacie knows she’s screwed. And because Des, Amanda, and Kacie have all confused Sean, and the remaining ladies aren’t interesting enough to give any airtime, Lindsay barely squeaks by with the date rose. 

As AshLee (Enough. Her name is wrong. I’m calling her AL from now on.) prepares for her date with Sean, accompanied by animated-birds-helping-her-dress music, she tells us how excited and positive she is. She wants to talk to him about her past and adoption. Everything she’s dreamed of is happening, and nothing can go wrong. 

And BUM BUM BUM (not dramatic music, actually the sound effect of ThatBitchTierra hitting the stair steps as she falls down,) we have an emergency! 

Sean walks in the house right after it happens, and plays doctor, diagnosing her with a concussion and telling us how concerned he is about her. Tierra, for her part, isn’t saying a word to anyone. Finally the paramedics show up, and strap her up into a neck brace, and try to get her to come with them to the hospital, but she refuses treatment. She finally talks and says she’s fine, and wants to be left alone. The other ladies are not impressed, and they’re all (especially AL) convinced she must be faking if she won’t go to the hospital. I have to say, as an incredibly clumsy person myself, I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen down stairs. Sometimes I have badly injured myself, and other times I have not, and it is always embarrassing. I’m not a huge fan of Tierra’s, but she really does seem fine, and she has every right to feel embarrassed, and these chicks need to back off. 

Isn’t it bad enough that I had to wear the Cone of Shame?

Sean and AL finally head out for their date. Sean tells her he wouldn’t rather have anyone else on their date, but doesn’t expand on that thought, and she doesn’t ask him why. Sooo… more empty compliments. They arrive at Six Flags Magic Mountain. She is not wearing the right shoes or outfit for an amusement park. I don’t know why they let her get away with a short dress and heels for this date. Didn’t anyone tell her that she would be much happier in sneakers and shorts? 

AL: Finally we get a chance to sit down for a second! These shoes are killing me after walking 20 feet in them!

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Dashley
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Loving pop culture since 1982. Loving TVGasm since 2012. I'd LOVE it if you followed me on twitter at @DashleyinCali.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Thanks for covering, Dashley! You are fabulous and I owe you a cyber-beer. :)

    So, it seems a bit weird that Sean wanted to do the record-setting kiss with Lesley…seeing as LAST WEEK he said that kissing her in front of the other girls was awkward.

  2. 2
    Erin
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    So sad..these girls are so wacky..what was up with Kaci?

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    @Erin A lot of the Bachelorians are wanting Kacie to be the next Bachelorette. I doubt that’ll happen though. I don’t think they’d want to have 2 in a row that are too religious to fuck.

  4. 4
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 3:52 am

    AshLee has one of those hillbilly faces where it’s hard to do tell if she’s pretty or ugly, because one minute she’s pretty damn hot (well, that body), the next minute she looks like a moldy dishrag.

    I really like that Lesley and her raccoon eyes though! I can believe she was kind of nerdy in high school, sure. Although how smart can she be if she came on this show? Still, I hope she sticks around.

    Because this season’s crop is pretty low-calibre in general. And on that group date — weren’t they all supposed to get in their bikinis and get in the pool together? Didn’t Sean specifically order them to do so? How come we didn’t get to see that? It’s not fair. I’m going to write to the producers. I couldn’t give a shit about their whole diversity thing. As long as it’s diversity in bikinis. No bikinis, no show.

    Also, you didn’t mention the Amazon blonde and her thunderthighs — the only one who ‘happened’ to be wearing a sarong over her bikini.

    At least Kacey’s off the show. She really turned out to be quite the sourpuss, didn’t she?

  5. 5
    Flippy Floppy
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 6:50 am

    I don’t believe for a second that Ashlee was happy that those girls were along on the date. Fake, fake, fake. She looked like she was forcing a smile over pissed off eyes. She wanted some Reese Witherspoon action on a rollercoaster and was cock blocked by those sick girls.

  6. 6
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    I thought the dog visit was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen on this show. It’s so much more tolerable with a nice guy at the helm. I usually don’t get at all what people see in the bachelor men of the past, esp. those on the show . . .
    This show has also never given me warm fuzzies, and now it is . . .

    I’m not sure what Kacie intended with sharing the drama. How bout that Amanda is a robot who only turns on when a man is in sight . . . I didn’t think Desiree did anything worth mentioning, and Tierra will bury herself soon enough. It’s also possible to just joke about how weird Amanda was and let him draw his own conclusions.

  7. 7
    Dashley Dashley
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA

    PopePhilly- Thanks! But I would prefer a cyber glass of wine, if you don’t mind! Hope I did you proud :-)
    Erin & K- Yeah, Kacie as Bachelorette? It actually could be interesting – she would be even more of an emotional mess than Ashley was. Remember Ashley was an olympic-size pool of tears every week? It was riveting television.
    Itchy- lol! I’m sorry I didn’t notice the sarong or a lack of a pool party! Maybe I was too mesmerized by Sean’s chest and arms to notice that the women were wearing more clothing than usual?
    Flippy- THANK YOU! I’m not alone in thinking that AL is super fake then? It’s a relief. I was starting to think maybe I’m a bad person or something.

  8. 8
    lauren
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 8:23 am

    I definitely do not want kacie b to be the next bachelorette. that would be even more boring than emily. i’d much rather have something like jillian harris, who definitely…enjoyed herself on her season. that being said, i’m surprised this season isn’t more boring, but that might just be because 95% of these girls have wacko tendencies. but what is up with these dates?? so boring!

    also, i totally agree on AL. she definitely seems a little fake but her story is so touching that i hope she makes it to hometowns so we can meet her dad, he seems awesome.

  9. 9
    Polk8dot
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    FFS, Kacie – I hope you’ve watched this episode and cried over your own stupidity. Also, over the drunkenness. That’s what brings on these moronic moments, girl, give it a rest… She was so sloshed when talking to Sean that she could not even follow her own train of thought, let alone verbalize it. The look on Sean’s face as he tried to figure out what her point was and why he should care was just priceless.
    Kacie would be horrible as a Bachelorette! She’s a BOOOOOOOOORRRRINNNNGGGGGG little daddy’s girl who has no opinions and ideas of her own. Plus she is clearly SOOOOO desperate for a mate, she’d debase herself so profoundly with much more stupid behavior.
    I can’t stand looking at her face after she’s had a few – her face gets puffy and eyes swollen, the pupils almost disappear, and the slits make her look like a sick frog. Each time she’s drunk I keep waiting for her to start her baccal pumping. She’s got a good slim figure (although there seems to be some bowleggedness). Clearly all the drinking is going right into her face – that bloated, swollen look is not good on anyone. And the tanning (or bronzing) has obviously gotten out of control. She’s in a deep need of an intervention, not another shot at TV fame and all the disappointment that comes before and after it.
    Also, what the hell was she wearing this whole season? Has someone in the house played a trick on her and heat-shrunk all her clothing into baby sizes? (I’m looking at you, TBTierra). Most of her skirts and dresses looked like they were painted onto her. That short and that tight is not good – I don’t care how long and skinny your legs may be. Your lady bits do not have to be aerated all the time – take a fricking douche instead.

    Sean is getting faker and more uncomfortable with each date. It’s almost like he’s never had a real, live girlfriend. He gets very flustered, starts giggling under his breath, and instead of following his own instincts starts thinking ‘what would Arie do right now?’. Then he tries to do just that, but unfortunately on him it only looks stupid.

    I had high hopes for this season, but it appears to be turning into a total snooze fest.

  10. 10
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:55 am

    The real fun of this season is watching Sean’s many expressions of shock and horror every time he has to kiss one of these girls. He’s definitely closing his eyes and thinking of Arie. Fortunately, he has that whole virginity pledge thing to protect him from going any further than a kiss. Otherwise he’d be in deep shit come Fantasy Suite time.

    I also like how Chris Hostdouchison doesn ‘t even pretend to take the show seriously anymore. He’s just phoning it in. Guess his divorce hit him pretty hard. Poor schmuck. Maybe he should be the next bachelor?

  11. 11
    Dashley Dashley
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Wow. Polk8dot. Phew. Do you feel better? I hope you feel better. And I agree I think? Except for this season being a snoozefest – I’m sorry, but it’s anything BUT a snoozefest when it brings on an epic rant like that. I mean… props.
    And YES Itchy! That’s brilliant! Chris Harrison as the Bachelor! I LOVE IT. Let’s start a petition with the White House!

  12. 12
    Gary
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    First, great recaps by you and PopePhilly. Keep up the good work.

    Second, it’s a shame how Kacie crashed and burned. I thought she was a sweetheart in Ben’s season, but something about her changed this time around. Who knows – maybe it was the drinking, as some have suggested, but she didn’t seem as happy-go-lucky.

    On the other hand, her warning Sean about the other girls was not a bad move per se, it was the execution that was a problem. If you recall how Emily tried to warn Ben about Courtney and Ben got all douchy on her, Emily was 100% right. Had Kacie said something to the effect of, \I don’t want you to get hurt\ as opposed to \they dragged me into this\ she might have survived.

    As for the others, it would be nice if the producers let us get to know them. I’m tired of this \what’s-her-name?\ business.

    I was surprised that he let Kristie go. She seemed like a sweetheart.

  13. 13
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 3:00 am

    Kacie was a sweetheart right up until the visit to her home, where we got a glimpse of her evil, control-freak father. At that point, it became perfectly clear what an emotional wreck she was.

    From my viewpoint as a guy : if a gal came up to me to “warn” me about one or more of the other gals, she’d be dead meat to me too. Firstly, because she’d be telling me that I’m not capable of seeing/judging a situation for myself (and that kind of nitpicking will only get worse as the relationship progresses). Second, because, as a guy, I couldn’t care less how crazy a woman might act when she’s not around me, as long as she’s not making me deal with her craziness. I imagine most guys have a similar “center-of-the-universe” vision of life. That’s what makes us so charming.

  14. 14
    Considerthis
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:38 am

    This just in

    ABC has announced the next Bachelorette which will air May 27, 2013.

    A southern California beauty – Lennay Kukua who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Back from the dead and oh so single and ready to mingle. After surviving a horrible car wreck – kickin cancer’s ass and outrunning the grim reaper this chick is a proven survivor. She’s looking for all you gullible, IQ under 80 jocks so come one come all to meet the love of your life!

  15. 15
    blazergirl
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Do these women watch the show? I don’t think warning the guy about another girl has ever worked out. Regardless of warning of the fact that “she is a totally different person around us than around you,” I don’t think one Bachelor has ever said, “you know, you’re right. I’ll send her home, thank you so much.” The warner almost always gets sent home right away. Itchy, I think your reasoning is dead on. Guys don’t want girls who appear jealous or to stir up more drama.

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