The Bachelor Week 3 RECAP: Matching Bikinis and Empty Compliments

The Bachelor

By Dashley | Thursday, January 24, 2013 | 4:57 pm | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, The Bachelor

Sean tells her that they were supposed to have the park all to themselves, but that felt selfish to him, so he invited other people. You can see what’s going through her mind: “ThatBitchTierra better not be coming.” Don’t despair, AL: yes, there will be two other girls, but not of the manhunting variety. Of the chronically ill teenage variety. The two girls joining them are online best friends (Emily and Brianna) who both have mitochondrial disease, and they have never met each other. AL tells us that this shows how good a person Sean is, and it “thrills my heart.” Gag. Brianna shows up first, unaware that Emily is coming too. Emily arrives and it’s sweet – they really are happy to see each other. It’s so nice to see people on this show who love each other even though they actually know each other. Everyone rides all the rides, and then Sean and AL spy on the girls having a personal conversation, and that’s a little creepy. 

The four head in to a private concert by the Eli Young Band, who Sean claims is his favorite. AL chokes up telling us about how great it was to see the two girls so happy. We’re even treated to a montage of good times at Six Flags while the band plays and Ashley tells us how blessed she is. What bugs me about AL (and I put this in the comments in the MiniCap) is that she strikes me as the type I would have to block from my Facebook news feed if I was friends with her, because she would be the one hitting “share” for every misspelled semi-inspirational quote or Bible verse.  

99% of people on Facebook won’t do this, but please be strong and take a stand against Mitochondrial Disease by hitting “Share!”

Anyway, the kids get sent home, and AL and Sean debrief. She decides to accomplish her goal of telling him what she’s been through, what with her adoption and everything. She tells Sean that “I definitely want as many children as me and my husband decide,” which is SO nonspecific. You’re not even saying with that statement if you want children at all. Have an opinion about something, AL. For God’s sake. The conversation about her adoption is frustrating to watch, because she opens it up by asking how he feels about it, and he confirms that he wouldn’t mind adopting a kid. She tells him that she was adopted at six, and before she was adopted, she was abused by a foster family, and asks “isn’t that crazy?” as though she’s talking about Derek Jeter’s batting average. She’s so determined to have this particular thing set her apart, and she’s not sharing this with Sean so that they’re closer or to get a gauge on his character, but so that she plays the game the right way, and that makes her no different than your Tierras or Amandas. It’s disingenuous. But Sean falls for it. She further tells a very-rehearsed story about meeting her dad for the first time. Sean gets all red-faced and weepy. So he gives her the rose and they make out. She tells us that she’s falling in love with him. No comment. The Eli Young Band sings a little more while they dance. Let’s be honest. Between the charity work and the pre-arranged serenade by the Eli Young Band, she would have had to call one of the teens by a derogatory term or something to not get the rose on this date. 

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Dashley
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Loving pop culture since 1982. Loving TVGasm since 2012. I'd LOVE it if you followed me on twitter at @DashleyinCali.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Thanks for covering, Dashley! You are fabulous and I owe you a cyber-beer. :)

    So, it seems a bit weird that Sean wanted to do the record-setting kiss with Lesley…seeing as LAST WEEK he said that kissing her in front of the other girls was awkward.

  2. 2
    Erin
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    So sad..these girls are so wacky..what was up with Kaci?

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    @Erin A lot of the Bachelorians are wanting Kacie to be the next Bachelorette. I doubt that’ll happen though. I don’t think they’d want to have 2 in a row that are too religious to fuck.

  4. 4
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 3:52 am

    AshLee has one of those hillbilly faces where it’s hard to do tell if she’s pretty or ugly, because one minute she’s pretty damn hot (well, that body), the next minute she looks like a moldy dishrag.

    I really like that Lesley and her raccoon eyes though! I can believe she was kind of nerdy in high school, sure. Although how smart can she be if she came on this show? Still, I hope she sticks around.

    Because this season’s crop is pretty low-calibre in general. And on that group date — weren’t they all supposed to get in their bikinis and get in the pool together? Didn’t Sean specifically order them to do so? How come we didn’t get to see that? It’s not fair. I’m going to write to the producers. I couldn’t give a shit about their whole diversity thing. As long as it’s diversity in bikinis. No bikinis, no show.

    Also, you didn’t mention the Amazon blonde and her thunderthighs — the only one who ‘happened’ to be wearing a sarong over her bikini.

    At least Kacey’s off the show. She really turned out to be quite the sourpuss, didn’t she?

  5. 5
    Flippy Floppy
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 6:50 am

    I don’t believe for a second that Ashlee was happy that those girls were along on the date. Fake, fake, fake. She looked like she was forcing a smile over pissed off eyes. She wanted some Reese Witherspoon action on a rollercoaster and was cock blocked by those sick girls.

  6. 6
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    I thought the dog visit was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen on this show. It’s so much more tolerable with a nice guy at the helm. I usually don’t get at all what people see in the bachelor men of the past, esp. those on the show . . .
    This show has also never given me warm fuzzies, and now it is . . .

    I’m not sure what Kacie intended with sharing the drama. How bout that Amanda is a robot who only turns on when a man is in sight . . . I didn’t think Desiree did anything worth mentioning, and Tierra will bury herself soon enough. It’s also possible to just joke about how weird Amanda was and let him draw his own conclusions.

  7. 7
    Dashley Dashley
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA

    PopePhilly- Thanks! But I would prefer a cyber glass of wine, if you don’t mind! Hope I did you proud :-)
    Erin & K- Yeah, Kacie as Bachelorette? It actually could be interesting – she would be even more of an emotional mess than Ashley was. Remember Ashley was an olympic-size pool of tears every week? It was riveting television.
    Itchy- lol! I’m sorry I didn’t notice the sarong or a lack of a pool party! Maybe I was too mesmerized by Sean’s chest and arms to notice that the women were wearing more clothing than usual?
    Flippy- THANK YOU! I’m not alone in thinking that AL is super fake then? It’s a relief. I was starting to think maybe I’m a bad person or something.

  8. 8
    lauren
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 8:23 am

    I definitely do not want kacie b to be the next bachelorette. that would be even more boring than emily. i’d much rather have something like jillian harris, who definitely…enjoyed herself on her season. that being said, i’m surprised this season isn’t more boring, but that might just be because 95% of these girls have wacko tendencies. but what is up with these dates?? so boring!

    also, i totally agree on AL. she definitely seems a little fake but her story is so touching that i hope she makes it to hometowns so we can meet her dad, he seems awesome.

  9. 9
    Polk8dot
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    FFS, Kacie – I hope you’ve watched this episode and cried over your own stupidity. Also, over the drunkenness. That’s what brings on these moronic moments, girl, give it a rest… She was so sloshed when talking to Sean that she could not even follow her own train of thought, let alone verbalize it. The look on Sean’s face as he tried to figure out what her point was and why he should care was just priceless.
    Kacie would be horrible as a Bachelorette! She’s a BOOOOOOOOORRRRINNNNGGGGGG little daddy’s girl who has no opinions and ideas of her own. Plus she is clearly SOOOOO desperate for a mate, she’d debase herself so profoundly with much more stupid behavior.
    I can’t stand looking at her face after she’s had a few – her face gets puffy and eyes swollen, the pupils almost disappear, and the slits make her look like a sick frog. Each time she’s drunk I keep waiting for her to start her baccal pumping. She’s got a good slim figure (although there seems to be some bowleggedness). Clearly all the drinking is going right into her face – that bloated, swollen look is not good on anyone. And the tanning (or bronzing) has obviously gotten out of control. She’s in a deep need of an intervention, not another shot at TV fame and all the disappointment that comes before and after it.
    Also, what the hell was she wearing this whole season? Has someone in the house played a trick on her and heat-shrunk all her clothing into baby sizes? (I’m looking at you, TBTierra). Most of her skirts and dresses looked like they were painted onto her. That short and that tight is not good – I don’t care how long and skinny your legs may be. Your lady bits do not have to be aerated all the time – take a fricking douche instead.

    Sean is getting faker and more uncomfortable with each date. It’s almost like he’s never had a real, live girlfriend. He gets very flustered, starts giggling under his breath, and instead of following his own instincts starts thinking ‘what would Arie do right now?’. Then he tries to do just that, but unfortunately on him it only looks stupid.

    I had high hopes for this season, but it appears to be turning into a total snooze fest.

  10. 10
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:55 am

    The real fun of this season is watching Sean’s many expressions of shock and horror every time he has to kiss one of these girls. He’s definitely closing his eyes and thinking of Arie. Fortunately, he has that whole virginity pledge thing to protect him from going any further than a kiss. Otherwise he’d be in deep shit come Fantasy Suite time.

    I also like how Chris Hostdouchison doesn ‘t even pretend to take the show seriously anymore. He’s just phoning it in. Guess his divorce hit him pretty hard. Poor schmuck. Maybe he should be the next bachelor?

  11. 11
    Dashley Dashley
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Wow. Polk8dot. Phew. Do you feel better? I hope you feel better. And I agree I think? Except for this season being a snoozefest – I’m sorry, but it’s anything BUT a snoozefest when it brings on an epic rant like that. I mean… props.
    And YES Itchy! That’s brilliant! Chris Harrison as the Bachelor! I LOVE IT. Let’s start a petition with the White House!

  12. 12
    Gary
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    First, great recaps by you and PopePhilly. Keep up the good work.

    Second, it’s a shame how Kacie crashed and burned. I thought she was a sweetheart in Ben’s season, but something about her changed this time around. Who knows – maybe it was the drinking, as some have suggested, but she didn’t seem as happy-go-lucky.

    On the other hand, her warning Sean about the other girls was not a bad move per se, it was the execution that was a problem. If you recall how Emily tried to warn Ben about Courtney and Ben got all douchy on her, Emily was 100% right. Had Kacie said something to the effect of, \I don’t want you to get hurt\ as opposed to \they dragged me into this\ she might have survived.

    As for the others, it would be nice if the producers let us get to know them. I’m tired of this \what’s-her-name?\ business.

    I was surprised that he let Kristie go. She seemed like a sweetheart.

  13. 13
    itchy itchy
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 3:00 am

    Kacie was a sweetheart right up until the visit to her home, where we got a glimpse of her evil, control-freak father. At that point, it became perfectly clear what an emotional wreck she was.

    From my viewpoint as a guy : if a gal came up to me to “warn” me about one or more of the other gals, she’d be dead meat to me too. Firstly, because she’d be telling me that I’m not capable of seeing/judging a situation for myself (and that kind of nitpicking will only get worse as the relationship progresses). Second, because, as a guy, I couldn’t care less how crazy a woman might act when she’s not around me, as long as she’s not making me deal with her craziness. I imagine most guys have a similar “center-of-the-universe” vision of life. That’s what makes us so charming.

  14. 14
    Considerthis
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:38 am

    This just in

    ABC has announced the next Bachelorette which will air May 27, 2013.

    A southern California beauty – Lennay Kukua who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Back from the dead and oh so single and ready to mingle. After surviving a horrible car wreck – kickin cancer’s ass and outrunning the grim reaper this chick is a proven survivor. She’s looking for all you gullible, IQ under 80 jocks so come one come all to meet the love of your life!

  15. 15
    blazergirl
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Do these women watch the show? I don’t think warning the guy about another girl has ever worked out. Regardless of warning of the fact that “she is a totally different person around us than around you,” I don’t think one Bachelor has ever said, “you know, you’re right. I’ll send her home, thank you so much.” The warner almost always gets sent home right away. Itchy, I think your reasoning is dead on. Guys don’t want girls who appear jealous or to stir up more drama.

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