The Carrie Diaries Recap: Long Winding Pointless Road

Another week of partying 80′s Style

All roads lead to Sebastian.  Groan.  Carrie and Sebastian make out in the hallway at school- Donna sees and rolls her eyes.

At the diner, Carrie complains to the girls about her chapped lips.  

Waaaaaaah, my lips are chapped from kissing my hot boyfriends, Waaaaaaah

Poor buh-buh- get some lip balm and shut up.  Stop complaining about making out with your hot boyfriend too much.  While you are at it, why don’t you complain about your flawless skin and about how you are too thin.  Mags counters with her own complaints- Walt isn’t talking her herrrrrrrrrr.  Cuz you cheated on himmmmmmmm, with a copppppppppppp.  Multiple timmmmmmmes.  Mags just wants everyone to be friends.  But enough complaining, it’s Carrie’s birthday on Friday- and she wants all of her friends to be together on her birthday.  That’s her big birthday wish… because she has everything else she ever wanted.   Mouse isn’t sure she can make it.  She is meeting with a chick from Harvard.  She hopes she can get this Harvard Chick to give her a recommendation.

Super Vixen Donna LaDonna is hanging with The Jens.  Donna is going through a bad time.  The one thing that would REALLY make her feel better is the new Coach Red Leather Duffle Purse… but it’s sold out EVERYWHERE.  

Do my bidding, minions

She needs The Jens to get it for her.  BS alarm going off… This is supposed to be 1984- Coach purses really weren’t that popular in 1984.  It wasn’t until after they were sold in 1985 that they gained popularity.  But ok, I’ll suspend disbelief for the sake of handbags.

Just a couple of smart Asian girls looking for Cambridge

Mouse meets up with The Harvard Chick at the High School- Mouse is talking herself up and The Harvard Chick seems to be impressed.  Mouse brings The HC over to the trophy case so she can see her Debate Trophy.  It backfires though, because The HC notices all of the OTHER trophies in the case and the name on them?  Mouse’s nemesis:  Thomas West or “West” as he was being called last week.   The HC simply MUST talk to West.  She does.

Wait, are you the “Admissions Unicorn” ????

 West comments that “Mouse is an excellent candidate for Harvard.  She is #2 in the class.”  The HC is like “Wha, wha, WHAT??!!?”  The HC assumed Mouse was #1… West clarifies that he is #1.  The HC is impressed and ditches Mouse to find out more about West.  Foiled again, Rodent.

Outside school, Mags catches up with Walt.  They talk.  Walt apologizes to Mags.  He was hurt and angry, but more so, he was confused.  Walt tells her he wasn’t making Mags feel loved- not in the way she wanted to be loved.  (Read:  Jackhammer style in the back of a police car.)  Naturally, Mags believe they will be getting back together.

We are never, ever getting back together