Will beelines it up to Charlie’s office, who’s on a call. They’re discussing something that Charlie bought and paid for but when Charlie sees Will he announces that Will just arrived and he’ll have to “walk him through it.” Not realizing he’s on speaker, the other guy asks how much Will knows and Charlie smoothly hangs up then smiles, telling Will that two weeks in St. Lucia was just what the doctor ordered. Literally. Charlie, by the way, is already half in the tank first thing in the morning.
Hello, I’m drunk.
Even plowed he’s still the smartest guy in the room and baits Will about being in the Caribbean with Erin Andrews, saying it’s on TMZ. Will totally falls for it, asking if there are pictures and Charlie tells him it was just a trap but he already knew about Erin. Will’s not in the mood for Charlie’s games, he wants to know what’s going on since his staff is gone. Charlie says it’s all very exciting, and then, for the briefest of moments, Sorkin finds his sweet spot and they share the following exchange:
Charlie: I was in a bar in Danang.
Will: Just now?
Hahaha. Okay, maybe it doesn’t read as funny as it played out. But trust me. Anyway, Charlie’s going on about when he was in the bar he watched a beautiful woman do an exotic dance (she was a stripper) and just as he was thinking he’d never be with a woman like that, splat, she fell into his lap. It was a story about how sometimes things fall right into your lap. I hope Charlie never sobers up.
Okay, I won’t.
Will doesn’t find him nearly as charming, since his staff is still missing. Charlie beats around the bush and tells him that “Elliott’s” being tried out at 10, so Don’s his new EP and Don took Will’s staff with him. Will wants to know where they all are. Charlie nonsensically tells him they’re having a pizza party in one of the conference rooms.
Oh, never mind. That was to usher in the very first walk & talk because Sorkin knows how much we mock them. Will’s whining like a punk about how he’s mentored “Elliott” and got him all his big breaks, up to talking him up for 10 o’clock and he poaches Don. Charlie lets him know that Don asked to go and, no, it wasn’t because of the “incident” it’s because Will’s a dick. Will thinks it’s only infrequently and no one’s always easy to get along with. Charlie corrects him because he is. Will correctly points out it’s because he’s always shitfaced and is a happy drunk.
Who would you rather work with?
Charlie feebly tries to get Will not to make a scene as Will bellows “HEY DICKLESS” through the closed glass doors, then let’s Don know he’s talking to Elliott. Elliott comes out but as soon as Will starts berating him Don joins them when he overhears the conversation turning to him. Will doesn’t understand why Don would leave since they were like “the Everly Brothers,” even though Don was only EP for 13 weeks, a record for Will.
Don offers to help interview his replacement but Will, proving Don’s theory yet again, tells him he’ll be replaced in 15 minutes. (Stop making him RIGHT.) Don’s already moved on, so he lets Will know it has nothing to do with the rant or the fact that Jenny’s talking about suing the school for mental anguish (she’s represented by Gloria Allred) it’s because Will’s an insufferable prick who treats strangers with more respect than his own staff. Oh, and he yelled at Don in front of the crew.
Seeing an opening to deflect his own bad behavior back onto Don, Will blusters about Don yapping in his ear while he had Gen. McChrystal via satellite. Then they get into a pissing contest about who was right and AGAIN it was Don, because he was telling Will not to blow the interview which he did, then he took it out on Don, and then moved on to the rest of the staff. Realizing he’s on the losing end of the battle Will barks some more until Don goes in for the kill and tracks it back to Will signing his own ticket to Olbermannville when he called conservatives idiots and liberals losers then blamed it all on vertigo medication. Charlie’s finally had his fill with Don and threatens to kick his ass, regardless of “how many protein bars he eats.” Heh.
He’s a Marine, dammit!
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