Which he gives because he’s been drinking and he’s Fun Don tonight: All the clever with only half the bitchery. He loves Lisa’s dress on Maggie and tells her never to take it off except when she takes it off because she’s only good for one thing? Really, Don? You and I had this thing where you said what I was thinking and I didn’t hate you. But whatever. You’re Fun Don tonight.
I’m fun, dammit. We’re having fun.
And he had a great idea: fix Jim up with Lisa, Maggie’s roommate. Maggie’s not happy and barks out a laugh before trying to slag off Lisa, the woman who talked her off the ledge last week until Jim swooped in for the glory. Maybe Maggie does belong with Jim.
How could you fix my roommate up with my pet Jim?
Regardless, Lisa’s there. Maggie changes tacks and gets mad at Don but he isn’t getting what’s the problem. He thinks he’s helping Jim “start the New Year off with a bang.” Then is pleased with himself for making such a tired, old joke.
Lisa wends her way over and asks if her bandage dress says “Dateless on New Year’s Eve.” Maggie judges Lisa but gives herself plausible deniability by saying “It sends a message,” (she’s awful) which Lisa’s smart enough to know is Maggie-code for “slutty”. Maggie denies this while Don says she looks slutty in the best possible way. I’m ignoring that. Luckily, Lisa’s pink cell phone and its Do Ya Think I’m Sexy ringtone goes off, allowing Don to make this face while she fumbles in her purse:
I’m sorry I was mad at you for being a gross and sexist dickbag. Fish gotta swim. Fun Don tells Lisa about the set up, but she balks, wondering if he’s another loser without a date on New Year’s Eve. Don’s doing the hard sell while Maggie keeps talking Jim down. When Don wonders what’s up, Maggie uses her outdoor voice while standing two feet in front of Lisa that “LISA WORKS IN FASHION, DON.” Why not explicitly call her stupid so she can hate you instead of wondering if she really is too dumb.
Don and Lisa manage some actually cute banter about the Greek debt crisis while Maggie continues to pitch her fit. Don doesn’t care. He’s selling Jim, calling him a “cute, sweet, puppydog-looking guy with the stupid look on his face.” Lisa’s actually getting into the swing until Maggie, who basically just called Lisa an “ignorant slut” takes ownership of Jim. Rather than blow her off, Lisa backs off of Jim because Alison Pill is in the opening credits.
Date Lisa, Don.
Don’s still drunk and hard-selling while Lisa’s still trying to back off, saying she’s not his type. Don, horrible Don, tells her she’s everyone’s type because she’s the girl next door and drags her over to meet Jim, whom he calls “Jimmie Olson,” because he’s the Jedi master of being a Teflon jerk while Jim is just a smug prick. Jim starts nerd-talking so Don slaps him to shut up. Heh. Now slap Will then slap Sorkin. Don fast-talks his way through the introduction and drags Maggie to get drinks who “cutely” begs Tess to kill her. I’ll do it!