The Real Housewives of NYC Recap: Banana Rum Boobs


Since it’s Sonja’s day to plan, they are headed to Tom Beach.  Ramona can’t sit still for a moment.  She lets the ladies know she’s got shpickles or shplickuss–she has no clue, but whatever it is, she’s got it and she’s sure it’s Yiddish.  The ladies are enjoying attention from a table of hot guys–well, hot by Golden Girls standards. 

The Golden Guys send over some banana rum to the Golden Girls.  Ramona is screaming how much she loves banana rum.  Apparently, it makes boobs grow and IQs shrink.  Some of the ladies go into the ocean.  Sonja is admiring Carole’s bum and says it’s no surprise that “Clooney did her for a year.”

Hey, Clooney, how about some of this?

 

Sonja is bringing everyone to Le Ti St Barth for “a night they’ll never forget.”   SamonJa and Lu admire themselves dancing in front of a big mirror and do an underwear check while they wait for the rest of the ladies to get ready.  Everyone remember to pack their granny panties?  Yessss!

Okay, ladies, leave the panties in the room.

 

Tomas, the Johnny Depp look-alike boyfriend of Le Ti St Barth’s owner, catches the eyes of Sonja and Lu.   Everyone is enjoying the drinking, dancing, and show.  Tomas invites the ladies to perform in the show, and they accept.  Instead of dancing on the stage, they do it tabletop-style, the authentic way.  The guys sitting at the table probably threw up authentic style when they got a look at Sonja’s cooleyhopper flasher dancing.

Lu hangs back and chats up Tomas, saying she isn’t “just any pirate woman.”  She warns that she’s an Indian, to not f*** with her.  Countess, is that any way to speak?!

I’m a countess, pirate, Indian, so don’t f*** with me.

 

Everyone is hungover, except for Lu.  She has quite a morning glow going on, the result of catching up with some old, Italian friends that she hasn’t seen in ages.  Mmmm-hmmm.  You go gurrrll.  Heather’s confused because she knows that Lu knows that Heather knows that Lu wasn’t with a group of Italians.

Ramona is impressed how well Lu is looking, especially since she knows how late it was when Lu got in, and with a man speaking French.  Sonja stumbles in, coma toast, as Ramona puts it.   Carole is hilarious, saying she woke up after hearing two male voices–one was Lu and one was “a young, French boy.”

She’s coma toast!

 

Lu calls Jacques to tell him about running into her Italian friends.  She has some good pictures to share with the ladies.  Lu is captivated that Tomas looks just like Johnny Depp…unbelievable how much he looks like Johnny Depp…a lot like Johnny Depp…enough to fantasize he’s Johnny Depp…

Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

30 Comments

  1. 1
    wtfff
    Posted September 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Lu totally got busted! I think a girls weekend is more fun with only girls, not husbands. Oh, I feel bad for the glass door that hot-head Heather ran into

  2. 2
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted September 1, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    i don’t know how much i like the new cast, have we seen any of the girls homes? why the eff not.
    i’m waiting for them to win me over, i like Aviva that’s it but Bravo promised NYC to be like BH, it’s really not. not even the NY version of it. lol but who cares, Miami seems ALOT better.

  3. 3
    LastCall
    Posted September 1, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Lulu getting busted as a dirty pirate whore was fun and all, but my favorite part of the show was when Carole was talking to Ramona about not embarrassing her and her boyfriend.

    Carole: Ramona, DON’T say anything crazy!

    Ramona: What, why would I say anything crazy? I’m not planning to say anything crazy. I’m just going to be me!

    Carole: No, DON’T BE YOU!

  4. 4
    2muchbravo
    Posted September 1, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    I hope Lu used protection when she showed the group of Italians around the villa.

  5. 5
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 3:15 am

    Some of the stuff they do is starting to cross a line. Between making you laugh because it’s so trashy. And making you go aww. And feel sad. Because it’s these older ladies putting brown powder on their stomach. That’s not even sticking out. But they’re hoping the cameras turn it into an optical illusion anyway.
    Except there’s a camera in there filming them do it.

  6. 6
    Yas
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Did anyone notice when Tomas arrived at the house at the end of the episode and was talking french to his supposed girlfriends Cat, Bravo didn’t sub it in english?

    He was talking to Cat about another woman and that he “didn’t want to be like all her others exes because she has horrible relationships with them”. Now, i’m guessing he’s talking about Luann.

    First of all, that doesn’t strike me as the sort of conversation you have with your current girlfriend.
    Secund, I just think it’s weird that Bravo didn’t use that stir sh*t up a little more. He basically admits having sex with her!

    Hope Jacques didn’t miss that part ;)

  7. 7
    hot cawfee
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Ahhhh Lu– I must again affirm my love of that Cat Walk if Guilt tou dod– all dressed up and doing your best “I am sooo not hung-over. I am sooo innocent. Gee can I do anything to help you” posture. I know it well Lu (she loves when we call that). I pulled that one may a time in my younger Cawfee days–didint work on Mama Cawfee and Papa Cawfee.
    This is going to be be great fall out.

  8. 8
    ohiomom
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 7:52 am

    These ladies are no different than anyone else. Money can’t buy you class. Maybe everyone should start calling the Countess Pocahontas. Me thinks she likes to play Cowboys and Indians a lot. Gross.

    So, when my skanky friend makes out with 2 guys at a redneck Ohio bar in a new minidress from Old Navy and Payless wedges ….she is white trash. But, if I plop her in St. Barths on a table, in a used pantyless pirate costume and Manolo Blaniks…she is elegant.

  9. 9
    Closet Fan
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Last all…. The Carole and Ramona chat is now my favorite line this season… No, Don’t Be You!

    I love how delusional Ramona is, stating that she is not crazy. It reminds me of what Sonja said when she came on the show, if you think Ramona is crazy now, you should have seen her years ago. So is this Ramona’s way of toning down the crazy for the camera’s?

  10. 10
    Closet Fan
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 7:59 am

    LastCall not Last all, damn auto-correct, haha!

  11. 11
    insanehousewives
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 8:15 am

    @realhousewivesfan: If I’m not mistaken, we have seen the inside of Carole’s home when she invited the girls over and when she was speaking to the neighbor. I think we’ve seen the inside of Aviva’s home, or atleast bathroom and her home in Miami. I’m not so certain of Heather’s place though, but then again we haven’t seen much of her hubby either.

    As for me, I’m a bit over the Ramonagrio and SonJa love fest and the blasted toaster oven. For the love all that is holy please stop with the toaster oven. Someone with common sense speak up and tell SoJja the truth about her business idea. Oh wait, no one on this cast has common sense besides maybe Carole.

    Speaking of Carole, why is she on this show of disfunctional people? Is it for publicity? If so, she needs to fire her agent for suggesting that this was a good idea.

  12. 12
    TV Junkie
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 8:37 am

    I really like Carol she is a good addition to this show..but I don’t think ths show has helped her much . The gossip writers wrote that Carol is no longer with her sweet guy….I hope that they are wrong, because he seemed really down to earth and normal..
    On Sonja..I hope she didn’t sink too much of her own $$ into this stupid toaster oven venture…

  13. 13
    TV Junkie
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 9:42 am

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/29/carole-radziwill-george-clooney_n_1839873.html

    Like the article said.. if Carole did date Clooney ..wouldn’t there be pictures???

  14. 14
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I haven’t watched the RHONYC since its inception year. I have to admit I’m THRILLED that I decided to start watching again (due to the new blood). I look forward to each episode.

    I’ve gotta agree about the funny (hiLARious!)/saaaad (aww I’m a touch embarrassed for you) dynamic that @kthxbai brings up. It’s just…odd. By the way, kthxbai, I’ve been meaning to tell you for like a year how much I love your “name”. Super fun and clever – and there are lots of good ones!

  15. 15
    TV Junkie
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Sonja better sell a lot of cookbooks and toaster ovens…
    http://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/sonja-morgan-net-worth/

  16. 16
    WhiteTrashGal
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Well done, BelowSeaLevel. I needed to get another perspective, because this was a subtly crazy episode. I thought maybe I imagined the whole thing.

    There’s just no way this Depp-lite story was real, right? Lu has been so boring this season, they made it up for her, right? I’m not fond of her at all, but she has never struck me as stupid. Bringing a guy back, waking up Heather to see him, then coming up with that “spontaneous” phone conversation where she tells her friend to lie for her…while wearing a microphone and on camera? She does know she’s not the only American who can speak French, n’est-ce pas?

    It’s all very cheesy. They’re flashing their middle-aged hoochies at strangers in a bar? AND BRAGGING ABOUT IT ON CAMERA? I’m with you, ohiomom: if all that separates white trash from these women are labels and location, I want my money back.

  17. 17
    bubblesballentine
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Lu’s only worth 2 mil? The Count must have something totally trashtastic on her!

  18. 18
    LastCall
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    ohioMom wrote:

    “But, if I plop her in St. Barths on a table, in a used pantyless pirate costume and Manolo Blaniks…she is elegant.”

    Elegance is learned, mah friend!

  19. 19
    TV Junkie
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    bubblesballentine..if old Lu is only worth 2 mill….what do you think abour Sonjia at -20 mill.????

  20. 20
    bubblesballentine
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    It’s no wonder she can’t afford panties, TV Junkie!

  21. 21
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted September 3, 2012 at 1:43 pm
  22. 22
    OutHouseCat
    Posted September 3, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    @ Derek H – I love Reality Tea but I don’t go there on my computer. I keep getting viruses from RT. I use my work computer for them. They have better virus protection. lol

    PS Don’t hate on me, IT guys. I haven’t killed my work computer yet.

  23. 23
    Robin Robin
    Posted September 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    I thought the pirate looked more like Ozzy from Survivor instead of Johnny Depp.

    Robin

  24. 24
    2muchbravo
    Posted September 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    @Yas #6 Tomas arrived with Luann’s “dear friend Cat” at the end. His alledged girlfriend was Carole at LaTi.

    Oooooh, the shizzz hit the fan tonight mah friend.

  25. 25
    LAC LAC
    Posted September 4, 2012 at 6:46 am

    “The guys sitting at the table probably threw up authentic style when they got a look at Sonja’s cooleyhopper flasher dancing.” That line was sublime. And given their expressions, I am not too sure that wasn’t far from the truth.

    @ohiomom – exactly! After all, dahling, if they cannot see that dress you are lifting up to flash your hoo-haa at strangers in a bar is a Diane Von Fursternberg, then you are just an ordinary whorah… :)

  26. 26
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted September 4, 2012 at 6:53 am

    @realhousewivesfan What do you like about Aviva? I want to punch her.
    @2muchbravo I didn’t even notice until you pointed that out bc IMO Cat and that St Barths Carol look like the same person. Why did Johnny Depp pirate boy come with Cat? I think he’s a gigolo. Do people still say that? Ok, man whore.

  27. 27
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted September 4, 2012 at 7:27 am

    @Romo, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I like Aviva because she was responsible for the two most memorable lines of the season: “Quite frankly, you’re both white trash” and “it’s about THE KIDS WITH NO LEGS.” I also like her ice-queen uptight persona because she loses all of her etiquette when she gets all batshit, as she has been the past two weeks. I’ll wait for @belowsealevel’s mini-cap and recap for this week’s episode, but ultimately, I love the fact that Aviva is the queen of the condescending put-down.

  28. 28
    trkaelin
    Posted September 4, 2012 at 8:55 am

    I love the word “cooleyhopper”……….. I’m using it every chance I get.

  29. 29
    Ohiomom
    Posted September 4, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    @LAC…I hope those pirate costumes were designer. I would hate to think they slipped on something from Party City.

  30. 30
    2muchbravo
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    I hope they wore they own undies with those pirate costumes. Can you imagine how many women have worn and danced in them? And, that may have been after Tomas got to them. Ewwww.

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