Good morning Gasmii!
Are you all enjoying this show as much as I am? No? Eh, it’s hard to really get involved when YOU KNOW they are just gonna be giving people the boot right and left. And they’re NICE about it. To their faces at least.
The most amusing part of the whole endeavor is the developing feud between Ludo and Malarkey. Malarkey’s no fool, he knows how TV works and getting involved in a feud will definitely get him more screen time. Ludo could care less, except he can’t help himself when it comes to shaming Malarkey. And the whole thing makes me giddy.
So we start out the show where everyone has two people on their team. Nigella chose mashed potato lady Renatta and chocolate cake trailer lady Lauren. Ludo has the scallop food blogger from Miami (go home team) and Anthony (the big guy that Diane was so nasty to). It should also be noted that Malarkey also chose these two and they chose Ludo over Malarkey (sorry dude!). Anthony chose a frizzy haired stalker and Diane the beeeeeotch. Malarkey gets Micah and zzzzzzzzzzz. You know he’s gonna lose this thing right?
Our first contestant is boring. She’s a restaurant consultant from NY and she makes a Salmon Nicoise that fails to impress. Nobody picks her, but again Ludo gives her great advice to enhance the flavors and tells her to use lemon juice. DENIED! Next!
Huda is a professional chef, and she cries about her mother (we always have someone who cries about their Mom don’t we? SHE’S STILL ALIVE FOLKS!) and is going to make shrimp and grits and my tummy growls because I LURVS me some shrimp and grits.
nom nom nom nom
Both Ludo and Nigella choose Huda to be on their team. While trying to argue with Nigella to get Huda to pick him, he states that she’s not a professional. Nigella insists that she is and then Huda delivers the smackdown, “You don’t listen to me at all!” It was wonderful, and everyone laughs and Ludo is rightly sheepish by his mistake. OF COURSE Huda picks Nigella, and now Nigella has three on her team!
Ludo, you must be crazier than a moose with a wig on if you think I’d choose you after that. Call me?
Ludo leans in for a smooch and steals a peek at her tatas – win win!
Our next contestant is Jeff, he’s a likeable dude with tattoo sleeves.
The judges like his food, but nobody picks him. Sad face. Until Malarkey totally does! AND he doesnt have to fight for his love either! Score one for Malarkey!
Next we have a pompous ass in a headband who speaks french and thinks his le poop is no stinky, but it is. Anyway, he’s an investment banker and he makes a seafood sausage. Which is really smart of him to do, considering that Bourdain is a fan of meat in tube form (aren’t we all, eh?). Sadly, he is not chosen and he is SORE about it. Eh, I’m not. I don’t want to look at this face all season. Ew.
Nobody with a stupid headband allowed. Or suspenders. NO.