The finals!!! Music to my ears! And Juliet’s hair is brown again!!! Everything good is happening in my life. I think it’s all coming together because of the Supermoon.
I love how we recap the very recent past of these four finalists and every coach claims they’ve known from the get go that these four would be here at this moment. If this is true, why did we just waste all this time toying with everyone’s emotions??
The Voice could have been 2 episodes long and everybody could rest easy that Juliet Simms is now going to have a recording contract. Or is it Jermaine Paul? Or Chris Mann? Or Tony Lucca? Probably not Tony Lucca.
After we relive the tumultuous past all these contestants have had, Carson does something that makes me sad to see the Voice end. He gears up to start asking Blake about his opinion on the contestants and leads in by saying “You’re one of the biggest country stars on the planet Earth.” Blake says, “Thank you” to which Carson follows “Unfortunately, it’s true,” and I know I have found my one true love.
Blake thinks that Jermaine Paul is a super star and Christina wants everyone to know that she is sick and her little boy is “watching Mommy from backstage tonight.” Carson asks you about Chris Mann and you talk about you, way to stay on topic Christina.
I’m pretty sure Cee-Lo is going through menopause, he has little fans around him that keep his hot flashes under control and he’s a raging bitch, from all the hormones.
Adam is going to chop some logs during the commercial break.
This is serious.
Jermaine Paul goes first, taking us through his journey on the Voice and ultimately squeezing out some tears and winning hearts all over America. He sings I Believe I Can Fly, because he truly believes he can.
Christina: “I stood up. You got me to stand on my feet.” And I was surprised. I was unaware I had that kin of mobility. Cee-Lo: “You look strong like a black handsome man.” Now I know why Cee-Lo needs that fan. Adam: “I don’t think anyone could take their eyes off you tonight.” Dammit. I want people to look at me. That’s it, we’re unbuttoning one more button… Blake: “My heart is in my throat.” That’s not where it should be. You should seriously get that checked out. Oh wait, that’s an emotion.
Laugh it up while you can Juliet, becuase you won’t be laughing when Cee-Lo refuses to help you produce your first record since you choice a GNARLS BARKLEY song to honor him!!!
Juliet Simms sings Crazy by Gnarls Barkley, and I can tell, by the look on Cee-Lo’s face that it was not the correct song choice. A song by Cee-Lo Green would have been a better choice.
Then she does something that breaks the four wall and feels very awkward: coming off the stage and singing at Cee-Lo’s face. It’s like she’s rubbing the fact that she chose a Gnarls Barkley song for her tribute to Cee-Lo in his face.
That boob is perilously close to the edge…
Chris Mann and Christina are singing The Prayer, and I’m praying that her right boob doesn’t fully escape her dress.
I’m going to do my best to offend Xtina tonight!
Now it’s Tony Lucca’s time to shine. We see a clip of Christina telling Tony that Brittany had such a huge crush on him. Is that supposed to make him feel better after you told him he was one-dimensional and that you DIDN’T have a crush on him?
He decides to sing Jay-Z’s 99 Problems because he will NOT be one-dimensional Christina! Put your boob away! I have not really been a Tony believer, but I do like this version of 99 Problems. Not bad Tony Lucca. Not Bad. Blake uses his turn to try to be funny with his little joke-time, but NO ONE laughs. Blake does the honorable thing and backpedals to just say that it was a job well done. Like I like my steak! —-Nevermind, you sang a song and I acknowledged your singing.