The Voice Recap: Christina Wants a Real Mann

The Voice

By TheNooch | Tuesday, May 8, 2012 | 10:54 am | 16 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, The Voice

Christina won’t let Tony have the last word on this feud they’re having! She brings up how the lyrics of the song were derogatory against women. Since when are you worried about songs making women appear a certain way Christina? Did you forget Genie in a Bottle? Rub me the right way? Come on! And what about Lady Marmalade?? You must not have put two and two together to figure out that you, Christina Aguilera, were singing about prostitutes who will do anything for the “bling”. Not exactly the height of female empowerment Xtina.

Cee-Lo likes it because he thinks “b*tch” is the proper terminology for female. Adam defends Tony’s song choice and assures Christina that she’s stupid, reminding her what a metaphor is. The look on her face after she used a word she didn’t know, priceless. He then strips off his lumberjack costume to reveal a glittery “Team Xtina” shirt, which I don’t understand. But it shuts Xtina up, so now I get it.

Chris Mann: A REAL Mann. Zing!

Chris Mann is a very smart man, singing The Voice Within for Christina’s tribute. See Juliet, that’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do, sing you coach a song that they wrote, or at least sang in the past.

Christina, never one to stop once she has a bee in her bonnet about something, gets up on stage with Chris after his performance and keeps going on and on about how Chris “is a REAL MAN! A REAL MAN who respects women!” Christina REALLY doesn’t like 99 Problems.

Don’t rest you tiny head on those shoulder Cee-Lo!

Now it’s time for Juliet and Cee-Lo’s duet; Born to Be Wild. There are people in cages all over the stage. If there’s anything to get upset about Christina…At least lobby for a cage-free environment for these people.

There’s still three more hours to fill so on to more duets!

Do you love the Beatles? You know, I DO love the Beatles. I think we are the only two people on Earth who LOVE the Beatles.

Tony and Adam sing Yesterday because they love the Beatles so very much. Did you know that Tony was the ONLY Mouseketeer that played a live instrument while taping on The Mickey Mouse Club? Take that Christina!

Jermaine sings God Gave Me You, because he knows how to thank his coach properly. I believe I even saw a tear from Blake. He loves how his song sounds, plus he’s thinking about all the residual checks he’ll be getting from this performance.

Chris Mann sings You Raise Me Up like a beautiful little angel real man that he is. He’s such a real man, that he has reduced Christina to tears.

Cee-Lo asks Chris to sing at his wedding, assuming he ever has one. Christina can’t get it together, she is overwhelmed by how much man he is. Ironically, Cee-Lo is wearing a shirt that says “No Problems.” Wonder if she caught that?

Once they mop up Christina’s Real Man tears, Blake and Jermaine take the stage singing Soul Man. It’s adorable. Blake is really trying to live out his dream of becoming a Blues Brother.

So it seems that Juliet was the only one who missed the memo about using her coach’s song in the tribute. Tony sings Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5 and Adam couldn’t be any prouder.

Finally it’s time for Juliet to sing! She sings Free Bird and sweeps up the whole stage with her cape-thingy. Juliet rocks it out, as per usual, and I really hope this means that epic rock songs are making a comeback. I’m getting really Bieber-ed out these days.

Adam says that she has all the grit in her voice that he doesn’t have. Thank you? Christina reminds everyone that she had to perform tonight WHILE she was sick. Cee-Lo reminds everyone that he is wearing a shirt that says No Problems. It’s up to you America! Who will you deem worthy of a career in music?

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!

Pages: 1 2
About

The nooch is 5 foot 3.  She hates sushi and once she watched a movie on Lifetime from start to finish without making a sarcastic comment.  Once.  That's all.

Listen to her talk on her podcast here: www.megaboomradio.com

16 Comments

  1. 1
    Angela
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Call me crazy, but Cee Lo was in Gnarls Barkley so I am not sure what the problem is there. Other than her version was not good.

    I am not a Tony fan but Christina’s soap-boxy bitchery might have turned me around. And it didn’t hurt that I liked that version of 99 Problems. Relax Christina. You don’t even wear pants on live TV for the most part.

  2. 2
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Xtina is such a TWAT!!! I hope Tony wins just to spite her. Plus, he was great last night.

    I think it’s interesting that she liked his voice and wanted him on her team *until* she found out he was on The Mickey Mouse Club with her…Hmm…

  3. 3
    brooker512
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

    FYI – “Crazy” is a Gnarls Barkley song – the group that is composed of Danger Mouse and CEE-LO GREEN. So Juliette did sing a Cee-Lo song.

  4. 4
    no cars go
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

    To second what Angela said, Cee Lo was in Gnarls Barkley and co-wrote Crazy. It wasn’t an inappropriate choice at all.

  5. 5
    Cara
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Umm, excuse me, but Cee Lo is Gnarls Barkley.. along with Danger Mouse.

  6. 6
    Cara
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Sorry to be redundant. The previous comments were not showing up on my page at first.

  7. 7
    Honeybee
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    So the Adam vs. Christina issue

    Rumor has it, that 99 Problems was directed at Christina…and when she found out she complained to the producers. She didn’t get her way and there was some name calling…eh someone got butt-hurt. Hence the “this is a REAL MAN” comment and Cee-lo’s “no problems” t-shirt.

  8. 8
    Mimo
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    My husband and I have decided that although Christina proclaimed Britney had a huge crush on Tony, me thinks it was maybe Christina – and it wasn’t reciprocated. I can’t figure out why else she would be so nasty to him night after night. Although, telling him he was one dimensional certainly worked in his stepping up his game.

    That being said, I’m team Jermaine. And I thought Soul Man was great. As was Born to be Wild. The other two? Meh.

  9. 9
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    @Honeybee – great dirt!

    @Mimo – that’s what I’ve been thinking, too.

  10. 10
    Honeybee
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I am super embarassed to admit this, but I was a BIG fan of the Micky Mouse Club back in the day. Although in my defense I was in the 5/6th grade. Tony was one of the earlier cast members. I remember having a bit of a pre-teen crush as well. I remember was involved with Keri Russell for several years (on and off the show), they did a short lived TV show at one time.

    That being said, its really odd to think she would have such a big issue with him due to the show. He was like 16/17 when she was on the show (she was like 11) and only on one season. How much interaction could she really have had with this guy?

  11. 11
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    She’s probably still pissed at him for hogging all the blow.

  12. 12
    scottywrangler Scottywrangler
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Xtina is such a caricature of herself. She is just such a huge freaking coochwaffle. Her boobs are giant and janky, and that dress she wore during “The Prayer” was ridiculous, especially from behind where you could see all her back fat poking through. Is she on steroids? That would explain the puffiness, but nothing can explain that hair or those huge fake eyelashes!

    That said, I am all in for Chris Mann, in spite of her. And if not him, I’m for Juliet. The other two are just ordinary, IMHO.

  13. 13
    bravo junkie
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    @ Honeybee good memory on the Keri Russell tv show, I watched it in high school, it was called Malibu Shores…it was very short lived.

  14. 14
    See-Jay
    Posted May 10, 2012 at 12:25 am

    Did anyone else catch Christina texting on her phone while Tony was trying to show his gratitude to all four judges? Bitch is cold.

  15. 15
    emily
    Posted May 10, 2012 at 12:41 am

    Christina looks like a drag queen with her over done make up and clothing,

  16. 16
    Mimo
    Posted May 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I fell asleep during right before the announcement. When I woke up later, was compelled to wake the husband to ask him who won. Then we talked about what I had missed. My guy, who is the nicest guy in the whole wide world, told me Christina was wearing shorts during the last segment. There was this pause, and then he said “not a good look for her”. There’s been times I was wondering if she even had nipples, because some of the dresses and/or tops were cut so low, surely they would have had to be showing that area.

    That being said. Her sylist this year was a hellava lot better than the one last year.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.