Rick gets a little rough and persistent about wanting some more info. He goes so far as to grab her recent gunshot wound. Why does it seem like Rick is always an impatient douche when the situation requires some finessing, and always a milquetoast when action needs to be immediately taken? Perhaps I am alone in this, but I wish Shane were still around. Not balls-to-the-walls-crazy Shane, but the Shane that was a tiny bit crazy was a person who knew how to survive in an apocalyptic world. Also I think he and Michonne would have made a kick-ass team.
Daryl pipes in, raising his crossbow to her.
Which Woodbury resident am I related to? Give you one guess!
Losing interest, Michonne tells these asshats to find their friends themselves. Rick, who as usual is behind the 8 ball, gets a clue and says she clearly came for a reason, so speak up if you please. She briefly explains Woodbury and its 75-ish residents, and how she thinks Glenn and Maggie were taken there. She said it’s run by a “pretty boy, charming, Jim Jones type.” For those not in the know (present company exluded….ahem), I’ve taken the liberty of googling Jim Jones – “the founder and leader of the Peoples Temple, best known for the mass suicide in 1978 of 914 of its members in Jonestown, Guyana, and the murder of five individuals at a nearby airstrip. Over 200 children were murdered at Jonestown, almost all of them by cyanide poisoning” (via Wikipedia).
She refers to the residents as para-military wannabes with armed sentries on every wall, but she’s confident they could slip in undetected. And, hello, she knew where to find them because Glenn/Maggie mentioned a prison, and unlike some people (*cough*Rick) she can put 2 and 2 together. This chick had walkers trained to do her heavy lifting, I think she can successfully find a gigantic (and presumably only) prison for miles.
Rick introduces Hershel, whom I happened to love even as I was dying of boredom watching those first few farm episodes from season two. I watched them marathon-style, which I imagine was an easier way to plow through them than watching as they aired weekly. Hershel will get her all patched up.
Back to the Others, Merle tells Glenn he’s much tougher than he remembered. Merle figures “Officer Friendly” would’ve abandoned Glenn by now. In between drooling blood, Glenn says they’ll be coming for him soon, and there are LOTS OF THEM EN ROUTE.
We’ve got a newborn, an amputee, a woman whose hair hasn’t grown a millimeter in three seasons, and a nine-year-old…proceed at your own risk.
Glenn also says they’ve got Shane, Dale, Jim (who? a character kill in episode 4, evidently), and Andrea. This makes Merle perk up cause now he knows Glenn isn’t being totes honest. Glenn seems unnerved by Merle’s reaction to his laundry list of people “on the way,” and uhh yeah, you should be.
Back to my girl crush and the gang at the prison. Btw when are we getting her back story? She thanks Hersh for patching her up. New Scooby gang member Oscar wants to know if they can even trust her. Ummmmmmmm how do we know we can trust YOU???
Next thing you know, they’re packing up the car, ready to lay siege on Woodbury. HUH??????? Rick takes Carl aside and ZZZzzzzzZZzzzZzzZZZZZZ can I care less about this family dynamic? Rick thanks his 10-ish year old for manning up and murdering his zombified mom. If something happens, Rick wants Carl to keep everyone safe. Pardon me, but I’d rather take orders from my own ass.
Rick tells Carl to keep an eye on the new baby and, oh yeah, she is still going by “Ass Kicker.” Charming as that may be, they settle on Judith, AKA Carl’s former third grade teacher, for a name. Maybe it would be too painful to choose Sophia or Lori, but Judith? No offense to people named Judith, but it’s just one of those names that immediately brings to mind an older demographic. Like how it’s hard to picture a baby Ruth. Unless it’s a Baby Ruth candy bar, which is a different story entirely.
Now, what Rick’s crew lacks in manpower/weaponry they make up for with savvy, slyness, and superior survivor skills (how’s that for alliteration?!). But am I the only one who found it rather foolhardy (I’ve been wanting to use that word in context for like 3 months) to leave the prison in the care of Carol, Judith Light, Hershel, and a troublemaking tween? Without even strategizing for, like, an hour or two? Or getting more information from Michonne about what’s been going on over there? This made no sense. For people who spent half a season waiting to peek into a barn, they’re moving faster than Andrea on a first date now.
The Gov. brings Andrea to Mr. Coleman, an elderly man who doesn’t seem to be doing so hot. He’s hanging out with Milton, the weird doctor/scientist/faker, surrounded by pictures of beaches and palm trees. Before taking leave, Gov. thanks Mr. Coleman for his service and how much you wanna bet there is more to this than meets the eye?
Milton plays some bowl-instrument thing and tells Andrea to re-play the song on the record player. Mr. Coleman is instructed to raise his right hand if the following statement is true:
You’ve slept with Andrea.
The rest of the statements are some general stuff about his name, children’s names, and wife’s name. Standard lie detector baseline stuff (not that I’d know). We’re led to believe Mr. Coleman, who is quite ill, has “offered” his body in the name of research when he passes. He whispers something to Milton, which Milt claims is to keep replaying the song. I’m more certain it was along the lines of “get me the eff out of here.”
Back in Glenn’s makeshift cell, Merle returns with a walker. He wants Glenn to imagine how he felt on the roof with his hand tied down. This would have been more awesome if the walker was really Daryl in disguise come to bust Glenn out and give Merle a beatdown for good measure. The way Glenn handles this walker is pretty sweet. Glenn kicks him around a little, eventually breaks the chair he’s duct taped to against a stone wall, and semi-frees his hands. He drives the leg of the chair into the walker’s head. And yes, it’s as easy as it sounds.
Also: Kids, when an adult tells you to brush your teeth, they actually mean it, and not in a “your face will freeze like that” kind of way.
Milton explains that after Mr. Coleman passes, they’ll restrain him, ask the questions again, and record his responses. Andrea will need to end his reanimated state. Why her? I guess to keep her occupied all day so she doesn’t find out about Woodbury’s newest residents. Not that she’d be doing any Nancy Drewing anyway, unless Nancy Drewing = sleeping with contemptible would-be politicians.
Milton wants to see if trace memory and human consciousness exist after walker transformation. Andrea is like, clearly you have no idea what you speak of. They’ve done the question thing so many times, Milton is hoping the routine will linger in Mr. Coleman’s mind. If something does linger in walkers’ minds (and I find that possibility very intriguing), maybe it’s memories that are more personally significant than answering the same stupid questions ad nauseam.
Milton’s never seen anyone transform, due to some bullshit about being an orphan and “telecommuting” to work. That is shady as hell. He probably worked for the group responsible for developing this virus.
Poor Mr. Coleman passes, and they restrain him. Governor Asshole has learned Glenn and Maggie know Andrea. Gov. is not happy they also seem to know Merle’s brother. They agree they need to keep Glenn alive to use as leverage should the group try to retrieve him, but Merle says he tried to kill him cause he was pissed. Say what you will about Merle’s tactics, but I was instantly creeped out when the Gov. said he’d question Maggie himself.
What follows is an extremely uncomfortable scene where it appears Maggie is going to be sexually assaulted by this piece of shit. When she won’t give up any intel, he makes her strip from the waist up and hovers behind her as though he is going to rape her. He stops before going through with it; perhaps it was because Maggie telling him to “do whatever you’re going to do, and go to hell” makes him lose his sense of power/control. Whatever the reason, I am glad this poor girl did not have to endure a sexual assault. No one deserves that, and to say these people have been through enough is the understatement of the year.
Rick’s crew stops their car a mile or so from Woodbury. Michonne says they’re better off on foot. Two questions before we proceed: 1. Why hasn’t Michonne revealed to the Scoobies she knows Andrew? From what I gather, Andrea didn’t STFU for the 8 months the two of them spent together. Surely she must have given Michonne enough info for her to realize this is Andrea’s crew. 2. Where is Axel, the other random prisoner who recently joined the group, who claimed he’d be joining them on this mission?
OF COURSE, the group is instantly surrounded by walkers. Omg, can’t they ever just get somewhere?! Why must there always be a problem?! They kill walkers so frequently and with such ease now, it’s like they’re more of an inconvenience than anything. The other humans over in the ‘Bury currently pose the far bigger threat.
They find a not-conveniently-placed-at-all cabin to take quick refuge in, but of course it’s surrounded by dozens of walkers in .02 seconds. They discover a hermit man hiding under some covers? Saying he’ll call the cops? Writers: are you serious? This was the most ridiculous plot point of the last two episodes. Michonne steps up and kills this rando. They feed him to the walkers and sneak out the back door.
Larry! Save some intestine for the rest of us!
Christ, Marge eats like a pig. No class.
Mr. Coleman begins to reanimate. As Milton goes through his Q&A procedure, he insists the old dude is trying to raise his hand as per the instructions, but can’t because of the restraints. In his infinite wisdom, Milton uncuffs him and SPOILER! the zombie goes straight for the throat. Andrea kills him.
I do kind of wish they had Mr. Coleman respond a bit differently. This would have taken the show down an interesting path and would make for far greater plot points than the inevitable “how will we deal with taking care of a baby during an apocalypse” storyline.
Merle, a random, and Gov. Shitbrick bring a topless Maggie to Glenn’s holding room. They’re through with games, so someone better talk. As soon as they put a gun to Glenn’s head, Maggie spills about the prison. Couldn’t she have lied and made up a story about her dad’s farm instead?! She tells them a group of 10 cleared the whole prison. Gov. Trying to Overcompensate for His Small Manhood is skeptical, but YES BITCH THAT’S ACTUALLY TRUE AND NOW THEY’RE COMING FOR YOUR ASS WITH *****!!!!BONUS!!!!****** YOUR SOON-TO-BE-WORST-NIGHTMARE MICHONNE. Andddd scene.
At some pow-wow of douchebaggery being held later that evening, Milton insists 10 people could not have taken that prison. Well, Milty, you really haven’t learned to adapt to the current sitatution but there are others out there who – even when outnumbered 600 to 1 – can take out walkers with perfect headshots every.single.time.
Gov. Pond Scum is pissed because taking the prison means:
a. the group is actually huge and therefore a huge threats
b. the group has done something his right-hand man (LOL. too soon?) Merle had assured him cannot be done
c. whatever. Hopefully Maggie goes all Lisbeth Salander on this asshole in the near, near future
Gov. Hope You Get a Zombie STD wants to know where Merle’s loyalties lie. I am hoping that when it comes down to it, Merle will ultimately see the light and help his old crew. Wishful thinking?
This is all happening right as Rick and the Rickettes are about to lay siege on Woodbury. A Woodbury group is going to scout the prison. I hope they get stopped by the Rickettes before leaving Woodbury proper, because I’m not too confident in the manpower Rick left behind.
The episode ends with Andrea walking right past the barrier her friends are lying in wait behind. She goes to see her stank-ass boyfriend who goes back into snake-oil salesman mode.
Andrea, you ignorant sloot.
Will open her eyes for long enough find out what’s really going on? Will she sell out her friends? What did you all think? Thanks for reading and hope to see you in the comments!!! Please try to refrain from posting any spoilers from the books
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!