“The Bachelor” – post-apocalypse
Hello, friends, and welcome to another day in the apocalypse! Last week the writers recycled the same bits of dialogue and plot points for the better part of an hour. I’m not sure if the writers think we’ve all got zombie parts for brains, but I came to terms with the fact Gov. is a deluded sociopath some time ago. Did we really need an hour of him pretending to be a good guy stuck in a shitty situation only to have him announce at episode’s end he’s really intending to kill all of the Rickettes? Shock. Gasp. So. Unexpected.
We open on Andrea and Michonne in a flashback to their time together. OMFG finally!! Hopefully we get some more answers on Michonne. They’re huddled together, eating some slop. Michonne declares it a girl’s night. The only girl’s nights I agree to attend are those that involve food/drink products like Franzia and Dominos (I’ll never last in an apocalypse; I’m too accustomed to the finer things).
Andrea comments on Michonne’s walker bodyguards/pets/can we get some more answers regarding this situation please. Andrea asks about 46 questions, so this must be the beginning stages of their relationship. Anyone who’s spent more than an hour with Michonne knows she’s a question mark gift wrapped in an enigma sealed in a box of “I NEED SOME FUCKING DETAILS PLEASE” shrouded in an invisibility cloak, locked in a mystery, and put behind a secret door behind a bookcase. (I didn’t overthink that analogy at all).
Ahem, anyway, Michonne isn’t too forthcoming with the answers, AKA the writers can’t come up with anything good for her to say that won’t piss us off and/or disappoint. All she’ll say about the walker pets is they weren’t human to begin with. Probably abusive relatives/significant others of some sort.
Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?
As the camera zooms in on the pets’ chains, it zooms back out on a chain that’s apparently part of some sex/torture machine Gov’s managed to acquire. Hey, to each his own, but he’s a little too orgasmic over this shit.
Good thing the credits came on right after this cause I had to go throw up. Though that could have been thanks the St. Pat’s hangover too.
The East Berliners are preparing for war. Milton’s being left out of the STD loop on account of him not being a homicidal maniac. Andrea, proving there’s no shortage of trendy, clean clothes in the apocalypse, shows up in a snazzy new fur-lined jacket. She thought there was a deal on the table. The sooner this woman learns no one has told/is telling/will tell her anything of value, the better.
Milton approaches Gov, still in his torture chamber and now sweating the greasy, gross, hangover sweat many of us may have been dealing with following St. Patrick’s day festivities. Milton wants to know what’s up with that sex machine and how it’s supposed to help East Berlin. He reminds Gov. of a simpler time, when the few survivors of a zombie apocalypse cared more about saving humanity and less about who has the biggest dick at the collective urinal that is is their current life situation.