Hey Gasmii! This very well could be the last piece of correspondence I exchange with you before Hurricane Sandy pillages Brooklyn and makes off with my fingers! Let’s dive into the recap before I die!
The X Factor is back, and finally, people, we’re finding out which 16 will make the live show stage of the competition. I hope this means the end of those overproduced packages at the top of the episode summing up the audition phase of the competition, because if I hear ‘O Fortuna’ again, I’ll murder Demi Lovato’s favorite puppy.
Okay, fine. No puppy murder. But I’ll be super annoyed.
We pick up in Malibu, where Britney Spears readies herself for the moment when she’ll tell two talented kids that the pizza party Mom promised them for winning X Factor won’t be happening. We see the kids in their hotel rooms with their parents preparing for the day’s events, and we’ve finally met the monsters who’ve handed their children over to Satan Simon and his army of fallen angels.
When Beatrice ends up Wilmer Valderrama’s next underage girlfriend, it’ll be all your fault. Demi knows.
First to learn her fate is my best friend Diamond White. Britney tells Diamond that she brought life to her performance, and that she really changed the way Britney felt about her. The downside, however, is that Diamond looked nervous—which I still don’t agree with—and Britney can’t be giving $5 million dollar contracts out to just any ol’ nervous body. Britney has made her decision and… Diamond is through to the live shows! Of course she is. There’s no way the first person to get their results in the episode is going home. Also, duh, she’s like really good.
Carly Rose Sonenclar is up next, and there’s like zero suspense. That girl can SANG, and after the requisite “You need more confidence,” she’s through too.
“OMG Diamond, my mom won’t beat me with her slippers tonight!”
Next is Arin Ray, and either he or the next contestant will get bad news if the final spot will come down to 2 people. I really hope Arin doesn’t go home. He’s just so adorable, and I always always always root for the black person. I rooted for the Clovers in Bring It On, and my favorite character on Mad Men is the elevator operator.
“I’m rooting for Arin, too.”
Britney tells Arin he’s very charming and charismatic, but that she worries his vocal talent isn’t on par with the others in his category. But, she has made her decision, and Arin is through! Yay, Obama! But that doesn’t bode well for Bieber swoop having, cool kid rapper James Tanner. In their waiting room, Beatrice Miller is crying because of her nerves, and James says so sweetly, “Stop crying, Bebe. You’re gonna make me cry.” And fuck, it’s just gotten a little dusty in my living room. Damn you, Simon Cowell! I told you last time sad little white children make my living room dusty! You don’t listen!
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6 Comments
Wow! That picture of Simon actually kinda scared me for a second. I guess he’s proving that cosmetic enhancements that turn you into some kind of joker-looking creature aren’t only for women anymore. Way to pave the way for equality, Simon!
Obviously Tara was convinced she had this one in the bag, since she was the only gal among the older set. Sucks to be her. It would have been fun to watch her go head to head with CeCe though (except I’m still convinced the producers suckered CeCe into a bad edit). I still think CeCe will be the most fun to watch of all these people, she’s just so over the top.
But I don’t see Amurricca voting for a group. Unless the Lylas turns out to be Mormons, in which case, the LDS will do whatever it takes to make sure they win. Seeing as how this is the Year of the Mormon on reality TV.
I’ve always said Tara Simon is what CeCe will be in 10 yrs. I’m glad she made it and not Jilian, at least CeCe seems fun. Love the Cosby show reference of the Gordon Gartrelle shirt talking about Willie. I think this cast is a whole lot better and more interesting than last season.
I was impressed at how evil Demi could be . . . maybe she is mature beyond her years! Those Disney kids, they start em young!!!
I hope Jason and Vino can give me a moment or two in the show. The kiddies, meh, but it seems the right ones got through, and surprisingly, the male to female ratio was not a consideration.
LA is so dumb . . . does he not see why people would like Vino . . . sigh . . . the whole package is the whole point.
Still not getting country boy with the 90′s hair . . . I’m hopin’ for a makeover. I suspect he’ll get lost in opposing advice, just sayin’.
@juddfan I feel the same way. How can LA not see what people will like about Vino? I really hope he goes far.
I loved Tara’s face when he told her no. She looked like she was saying “You’re kidding, right??”. So happy she didnt make it through.
I loved Willie Jones reaction (and like him in general). I watched it twice and it made me smile each time. He seems like a good/cute kid. Out that group he might be my favorite…with Jennel coming in 2nd. Both Paige AND CeCe bug me.
Of all the kids, I like Carly & Arin the most. I think Beatrice is going to have a hard time w/each elimination.
The groups? eh…the only ones I really like are Lyric 145. The 3 brothers bother me to no end.
The children, Carly Rose and Beatrice, et cetera, are too young. X-Factor is ugly to put them into this at that age of 13. I say raise the age to 16, although they are great singers.