There’s no crying in pirating!
It’s a “Glitzy Life for Me” Pirate Pageant is a great new theme here on Toddlers & Tiaras. Pageant Director, frequent commenter, and Gasmii Virtual Drinking Buddy Tonya Bailey tells us that when she came up with this idea, she wanted it to be a fun pageant, not one with “mean, killer mermaids.” Oh my God, how cool would a killer mermaid have been for the Under the Sea competition last episode? Tonya – next time, Killer Mermaids – and everyone wears vampire flippers!
Tonya kicks ass on the stage decoration as well as the crown which is a glittery cornucopia of clear, black and pink crystals in the shape of a skull and bones! SCHWEET! I must add one of these to my collection! Honestly people, I will never wear a ton of rhinestones, but every day I wish I could.
Check out the booootiful booty.
“The booty is going to be bountiful,” Tonya tells us. And bouncy, is my guess. Shake it kids! Shake it like it ain’t no thing!
First up in Killeen, Texas, home of the 1991 Division I state champions for something (if the local water tower is to be believed), we meet a pre-Hoarders house. Devoid of much furniture, there is crap all over the floors. Toys and papers, empty boxes, fast-food drinks; it’s just a matter of time before the toilet breaks and starts filling up with feces. Did this family not know T&T was coming to film today?
Elesha, 5 (pronounced Alicia, but really, why spell it in such a boring way?), says she’s going to win the pirate queen ti-aaarrrrr-a this week. Cute how she pirated the pronunciation of that word.
The unwitting contestant.
Mom Beth shows Elesha her new pirate costume, then interviews that Elesha is going to “hook her first crown at the pageant this weekend.” First crown? Newbies? Why do they always think they are going to come in and sweep the awards?
Get the drool cup.
Turns out Elesha has done 3 pageants, two of which she won trophies for “future pageant winner” (aka LOOOOSER) and one where they gave her a Pixie Stix for participating. Basically, that’s the pageant’s way of saying, “We’d rather you got diabetes than participated in any future pageants.”
Beth tells us what has been holding her back is her pageant gown, and we can see by her previous red one, she’s probably right. It’s too party-dress-ish and not glitz AT ALL. So let’s see the new one Beth!
Oh, Beth, no. Elesha comes out in a black and gold dress that is clearly very cheap and not very glitzy, and I thought it sort of looked like a pirate costume in a way. When will these mothers get it that black is a very dangerous pageant color, especially when not done correctly?
If that’s her pageant smile, then the dress is the least of your worries.
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