And welcome to the Southern Living Dolls Out of This World pageant being held “in a galaxy far, far away in the land of glitz.” Toddlers & Tiaras, where are your Emmys?
One of the intergalactic competitors now.
Pageant Director Chasity Saunders is dressed as a glitzy alien with deely-boppers around her head as she tells us that when it comes to glitz, “South Georgia is where it’s at.” True, Georgia does provide T&T with a lot of fodder, I will give you that. And immediately we get an example straight from Chasity:
“Not North Georgia, South Georgia,” she says. When did they split the state? I mean, did that really work for the Dakotas? The Carolinas?
She says they did a space theme to be different (I will give them that – it’s sort of a cool idea) and that they will show the glitz world what space is all about. Oh, come on, Chasity, this is in Georgia. This is a state full of people who believe in UFOs but that the moon landing was a hoax!
First up in Dallas, Georgia, a cat licks its hoo-haa on a sunny porch and we meet our brat of the episode, Bella, 2, and her delusiona parents. Mom Juliet calls her daughter a “loose cannon” and laughs like that is something funny and safe.
Kitty porn! Call J-Mo.
Bella is an energetic kid who as her mother tells us while laughing, has been kicked out of 4 daycares because of biting. Holy shit! And how many daycares could they possibly have left in Dallas, Georgia, population 12,000? And also, why haven’t you taught your daughter NOT to bite? Doesn’t that seem like something a parent would do, you know, versus laughing about it?
Who is going to remind her of the comma eyebrow rule, you or me?
“If she wants something she finds a way to get it and usually she bites,” her mother says. I don’t think I’d have the patience for that, but I love some of the ideas Gasmii commenters gave – biting back and the tabasco sauce ones are my fav. You could get that tobacco that is made from Guatemalan insanity peppers and use that one. That’ll learn ‘em!
Not how it works in the ocean, let me assure you.
Bella is actually a really cute baby – she totally has a round face and cherubic bright pink cheeks. Sadly, all I can focus on are her chompers and I’m praying she totally takes off the tip of someone’s finger during the show. She does laugh like she’s insane, though.
Cute, but you can just feel what is coming.
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