At our next salon visit, McKenzie is having her hair done too. Michelle tells us that back in the 80s, she had big hair (oh, sometimes I miss those days) and says she passed that gene onto McKenzie.
Rut-roh…Duck face is imminent!
Unfortunately, McKenzie says she wants her hair short. Methinks I see a (hair) cutter in our future – she’s totally going to go all crazy one day and hack her hair off just for the fun of it. Michelle about shits herself when McKenzie says she wants short hair…I mean, you can seriously see her virginity growing back when this happens, she’s so damn tight.
The moment her hymen actually grows back together.
Oh…here we go. Emma’s outfit of choice is a Marilyn Monroe outfit from Seven Year Itch – the white dress blown up from a street grate. As this dress is more discreet than a lot of things celebutards wear nowadays, I really didn’t have an issue with this until…
“I decided to do Marilyn Monroe as outfit of choice because she was a sex symbol and I thought that would work great with Emma and her personality,” Hope says. So…you want to keep her as young as possible for as long as possible by dressing her like a sex symbol? Hope, is the reason your hair has so much volume to it because of the copious amounts of air blowing inside of your head? Because it’s pretty clear there is nothing in there deterring the breeze.
“Seeing her look older than what she is upsets me a little bit,” Hope interviews, “but it’s not permanent. The makeup can be washed, the hair can be washed and she goes back to being my little girl.” You know what else can get washed but good? Her brain! And you are training her to think this is an acceptable way to be to get attention and awards.
Drink the Kool-Aid, Emma!
So of course they also put her in heels. “Strut, girl, strut,” Hope says, as Emma can barely stand up in her little heels. Then she kisses her hand and smacks her butt. Yes, very innocent. Like Lolita!
Pageant Day in Pearl, Mississippi!
These guys are hating life right now.
Pageant Director Linda tells us it’s a glitz pageant, but it looks like no one told her. She’s a hot mess. I mean, I realize she’s in charge of the event all day, but she still should look more professional, or at least look like she didn’t just roll out of bed and start her day.
The emcee looks like the love child of Roseanne and Kyra Sedgwick.
Jennifer tells us she thinks Liz has a great chance of winning today. Liz keeps snapping her fingers back and forth and it just makes me want to punch her hard in her upper arm.
Looks like STAAAR has gone supernova.
Emma wants a Pixie Stix as Hope tells us her emotions during the day run the gamut from being proud to doubting what she’s doing. Let’s put a pin in that last thought of yours. Emma chokes on the Pixie dust and Hope says, “Please don’t throw up.” Too late for me, sister.
McKenzie is vamping all over her hotel room and Michelle tells us McKenzie has a great chance of winning. Personally, I think there is something really weird about her head/hair. Something is just not right. I mean, if I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again.
Separated at birth!
Emma’s group is up next and Emma looks beautiful in her lavender dress. It’s a pretty shade on her and the sparkles – well, you know how I am about that. Then Emma ruins EVERYTHING by stating, “I have to go potty!”