Seriously, people, why, why, why do you not squeeze these kids dry BEFORE putting them in their dresses and putting them in line? Hope says “Shit!” and they have to run her to the bathroom – asking a 3 year old to hold it is ridiculous. “I can’t have her tee-teeing onstage!” Hope says. Tee-tee? Anyway, they have one of their helper immigrants run her to the tee-tee room and all is well.
Except that Marty Feldman is judging.
Luckily Emma makes it back and is adorable onstage. She really looks cute but her smile is really sort of fake – you can barely see her top teeth. “When Emma grows up, she wants to be a princess,” the emcee says. Mom chokes up a little and is very proud of Emma, the woman/child she has created.
Judge Genell says that Emma was gorgeous, had a great smile and she had “lots of personality.” Wonder if she has that opinion about anyone else?
I have to judge on personality because slept through beauty.
McKenzie is up next and I’m sorry, but she looks so odd! Everything is too severe or something. She blinks oddly and looks like she can’t focus or something. Maybe her eyes are too wide-set? The yellow dress is pretty but something is off. Maybe it’s the yellow that is contributing to the pineapple feeling.
It’s like she’s living in it under the sea!
Liz is having trouble with her flipper and we all know what a crisis that can be. Snore. Liz has a beautiful pink dress and she does a pretty good job onstage. “When I’m onstage I think of butterflies flying in a field of flowers.” Because she sells seashells on the seashore isn’t enough for you? How stoned are you?
Judge Genell says Liz was very confident, had a great smile and had “great personality.” Really mixing it up today, aren’t you, Quote Queen?
Again with the personality.
Next up is Outfit of Choice. Hope cannot wait for the Marilyn Monroe dress and she pours a huge Pixie Stix down Emma’s gullet. Hank says they “kinda get her going.” He pours some in his hand and Emma licks it right out of his palm.
Emma gets onstage and does her little Marilyn shake it and she watches mom a lot then KERSPLAT! The shoes are slippery and she totally wipes out, but then like Marilyn, “picks herself up, dusts herself off, and starts all over again!”
Happy Birthday, Mr. Pedophile…
Never put the birthday cake down, duh!
Wipeout should have waited until Luau Wear.
Judge Pam clenches tightly as she says Emma looked adorable, but, “She was not looking at the judges.” Dun-dun-dunnnn!
Celibate by choice AND default.
McKenzie is up in a referee costume and OH MY GOD IS SHE AGGRESSIVE! That is the only word I can use to describe how sort of angrily enthusiastic she is onstage – it is enthusiasm on steroids and is really unnerving. You can totally tell that in any of her relationships, she’s going to be the one to suggest using a camera during sex. And punch the guy afterwards.
Not a good look. It’s like she’s become a Japanese anime character.
But at least we know where she gets it.
Judge Genell says that McKenzie’s outfit was unique and she had “a lot of personality.” You know what is ironic? Judge Genell has NO personality. Not sure how she can judge them.
Yep, I’m still going with personality.