The lady next to Coochie says, “She’s beautiful” and Coochie says, “I’m tired of hearing it.” Oh, I’m tired of your whiny teenage voice. Please crawl under a rock and die.
“Faith-LYNN won Play-doh. I’m not sure what the hell we’re supposed to do with Play-Doh,” Coochie says. How about shoving some of it up your ass, if you can maneuver around that huge stick you currently have up there.
Scoff…this is me scoffing at that award…I am scoffing like a pre-teen, do you see? Scoff!
Grand Supreme ages 5-9 is some girl named Lexi who probably is nice. Faith-LYNN says about her, “What are you wearing, you look ridiculous.” If you want to see ridiculous, check out that terrible eyeliner that makes you look droopy and sad.
Faith-LYNN says, “She didn’t have the attitude enough.” If that were given any points, Coach Cooch would have won for her attitude by a long shot. It’s a big one.
Pageant is over. Let the bitching begin. Faith-LYNN lets us in on the secret that she’s only doing pageants until she’s 11 or 12. She has no interest in being Miss America. Wonder where she gets that?
“Faith-LYNN is too sassy for Miss America. Miss America is…boring. It doesn’t take much to be a Miss America that I see,” Coochie says. Yeah, you’re a real expert on what doesn’t take much.
Sabrina says she sees more glitz pageants in Snausage’s future. That’s going to be really hard when Snausage goes blind and has her legs amputated from the diabetes, but perhaps Make-A-Wish can do something for you on that end.
“She had fun with it, I had fun with it…” Did you? Because all we saw was Snausage throwing a huge fit when she had to get glitzed up. “She’s breathtaking,” Sabrina says. Yeah, but more in the “GASP! Your kid is so fat” way, not because she’s really that pretty.
“Bein’ a diva’s exhausting,” Snausage says. Mostly because of what the extra weight does to your little heart. “I don’t know how Beyoncé does it.” Her entourage of 300 probably makes it easier.
Mackenzie is a good sport and her mom is somewhat upset with what happened, but she’s cool about it overall. Mackenzie sings about rainbows and crowns and dresses and says, “Thank you very much.” Adorable.
Coach Cooch: BURN IN HELL!
Oh, and MERRY CHRISTMAS GASMII!
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