Mackenzie says she’s a good teacher because she likes to, “Work it…workit, workit,workiiiiit.” Hee. Okay, it’s hard to stay mad at her. But still, I hated this almost as much as I hate Coach Cooch.
Woo, am I a BITCH.
Speaking of which, we’re back with her and Faithlyn who is having her haircut in her kitchen by some poor cosmetology student who probably thought this would be fun. Coochie tells us that having a good stylist is important because, “If your hair is a nasty mess, you’ll get points taken off.” She talks like she’s a 14 year old, I’m just waiting for her to make the “what-evah” sign with her fingers.
Seriously, where are this girl’s parents…and this boy’s parents, come to think of it?
“Holy shit,” Coochie says, “it’s the first time someone besides me has cut Faithlyn’s hair in years.” The stylist says, “I can tell,” which I took to mean that he can tell the cut is shitty!
Stylist asks Faithlyn if she knows who she’s going up against and Coochie asks, “Do you care?” God, she really is like a teenager, isn’t she? I guess I assumed that she was older because the parents aren’t around and it seems odd to leave a 9 year old alone with a teenager this much unless they are being babysat or something. Who knows. Coochie says they have the win “in the bag.” Which is the exact moment I believe Karma woke up and sharpened her ass-kicking boots.
This is how I deal with the competition.
Coochie says their favorite pastime is making fun of pageant moms, “Because a lot of pageant moms are fat.” No way! Really? “How do you get that fat? What do you eat to get that big?” Well, I’m guessing lots of fat, sugar, processed food and having babies, but not having any mirrors also helps with that. And let’s not forget those Oprah moms who sacrifice themselves to make sure their kids have everything. Great role models!
“Do we give a f*ck? No.” She says. What the hell is she talking about, the competition? Again, I loves me some swears, but not in front of the kids. I barely swear in front of my dogs!
Pageant day! Pageant director Tanisha tells us that we will see all kinds of things today, then tells us people spend all kinds of money on modeling, coaching, dresses, hair and makeup (uh, hello, we’re not new!), then says, “I promise you, you will see a difference!” A difference between rich kids and poor ones? Thanks for the head’s up, dumbass.
My hand to God, even the rich kids suck though.
Sabrina uses the hotel forklift to get Snausage out of the car. Wonder if she uses a seatbelt extender?
Luckily, she’ll feel right at home at SNAUSAGE FEST!
So the excitement begins with putting together Snausage herself. Sabrina says that this is their first glitz pageant so the process has changed. Well no shit, you actually have to do more than just throw a dress on your kid and cross your fingers.
I know you are hungry, but please don’t eat the chair.
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