Oh brother, one of the judges has a pork pie hat. Nerd or douche? Hard to say.
Are you auditioning for a John Hughes film? Because I have some bad news for you…
Snausage is thrilled that dad is there with her and he is super loving and super-supportive, it is so cute. He says he loves pageants and spends a lot of time just showing his kid love. Other than the impending diabetes, they are a very loving family.
Those are some huge salamis you’ve got there, Snausage!
Snausage gets onstage and she’s okay…her makeup isn’t strong enough (because they just couldn’t put any on her) but she does her kissy fingers. The emcee says that Snausage’s favorite food is pink cupcakes (natch) and her goal is to learn to tie a bow on her shoes. Yeah, good luck reaching your feet!
Why are you punching yourself? No worries, lots of padding will save your face.
Judge Pork Pie Blake says she had sass and attitude, but she lacked some confidence. He’s sure that will come with time. Hey! Save your positive attitude for another website, Porky.
Mackenzie is up next and interviews in a whispering voice, “I got this…I got this…I got this…” so she gets onstage and oops…she’s a little bouncy, she’s leaning too far back and it’s not as smooth as you would have thought. She looks beautiful but it’s too bouncy. Judge Porky says she seems to have a little bit of a nervous twitch but was otherwise good.
I would say great, but that’s just me.
Here comes Coach Cooch and her demon seed, who says she doesn’t have any competitors. Faithlyn’s entourage is mostly Coochie’s I’m guessing, and those guys in the tight wife-beater shirts look very odd. I mean, t-shirts would have looked a little less skeevy.
There is nothing a bunch of losers won’t do to be on reality TV.
Coochie jams the flipper into Faithlyn’s mouth so they had to take it out. Sweet, merciful crap! What will they do!
Faithlyn gets onstage and does a pretty good job but Coach Coochie says she was pissed they kept calling her “Faith-Lynn” – “That’s ugly,” she says. So are you. Also, is “Faithlyn” really any better? That is like one of those stupid-ass names where you can’t make up your mind so you just add “lyn” to the end. Sooo much better. I mean, look at how many CEOs are named Faithlyn. Tons.
Smiling? Crying? Smelling a fart? Who the hell is your coach, she sucks if this is your beauty face!
“You were the shit,” Coochie says to Faithlyn. Klassy to the third power!
Or maybe it’s just Cooch we smell?
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