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Then Faith-LYNN gets onstage and she kicks ass. She really did a great job, her routine was tight and damn if she didn’t do a back handspring. That poor first Jeanie. Coach Cooch says she doesn’t expect anything less than Ultimate Grand Supreme. Hope you choke on it if you get it, bitch.
Crowning. Praise Jesus. First is the judging conference…Snausage needed brighter colors but her Beyoncé was great; Mackenzie needs more poise but her Icon Wear was great; Faith-LYNN was good on beauty but she faded at the end but her Icon kicked ass. I don’t like these judges, they are too nice. Where are the drag queens when we need them?
Let’s ruin some lives now…they are doing 3 grand supremes but no ultimates. So not fair! Sabrina thinks Snausage is going to pull out for a higher title because, “I know how hard she worked.” Your kid didn’t work AT ALL! She didn’t practice, she didn’t let them put makeup on her, she botched her Beyoncé…what pageant were you watching? Probably the one that makes Snausage look like a Pixie Stix.
Snausage’s group…3rd runner up…not Snausage. Uh-oh, if they started this far down the awards line, we know what’s going to happen. So…2nd runner up…SNAUSAGE!
Sabrina says she’s happy. Dad is proud. Aww. Give her some candy, CAAAANDY! And she did win candy and there it goes down her gullet. Enjoy!
Mackenzie’s group is up next…1st runner up, not Mackenzie! Queen for the division…Mackenzie! Awww, suckfest! She’s done.
Wah-wahhh. Mackenzie says, “It was somebody else’s turn.” What a great way to think about it…so sweet. Sing something!
Faith-LYNN is convinced she’s going to win grand supreme. In her category…1st runner up…not Faith-LYNNNN. Queen…not Faith-LYNN. Which means she pulls for a higher title. “I knew I was going to get a supreme,” she snots. I would smack this kid into next week if I could.
“Considering Faith-LYNN always wins most beautiful…please tell me something I don’t know,” Coach Cooch says. I don’t think you know what a huge bitch and terrible influence you are on Faith-LYNN, so how is that for telling you something YOU don’t know but WE all do?
Grand Supremes…Beauty Supreme is…Faith-LYNN! “That is the most pointless award in the entire pageant,” Coach Cooch says. “I see the ugliest kids in the pageant still win.” You know, if you really want to see ugly, look in the mirror. And look into whatever constitutes your soul (if you have one), because that’s pretty ugly too.