Jordan tells us that the worm she ate while fishing with her dad was better but the one she just ate, “Had pee in it.” Crystal tells her not to eat any more worms and when Jordan asks why, Crystal says, “You wanna have a husband someday, right?” and Jordan tells her no. “I’d really like to marry you off,” her mother says. Hi, Crystal? It’s 2012. How about spending that bill money on bills and oh, I don’t know, science, math, engineering, technology, Mandarin and/or business school for Jordan?
Next up in Reno, Nevada, we meet 4 year old Cariah, rhymes with Mariah, who is really cute and says she has a million-dollar smile. Mom Ty has decided to come to the pageant hotel early to make sure they have time to prepare for the pageant. So you show up DAYS early? I didn’t really think much of this at first, but like some commenters mentioned, maybe she didn’t want people to see where she lived. Wonder if she’s spending all of her money on pageants instead of things like food and shelter? You know, some people use their bill money to pay for friends, perhaps Ty is using bill money to pay for early hotel arrivals. It’s all about getting friends, people.
The million dollar smile seems to be keeping its value.
“My babies have been beautiful since they was coming out the exit womb,” Ty says. Perhaps you should spend the hotel money on a basic grammar class? Also, I think it’s also considered the entrance womb too, isn’t it? Or did she mean exit wound?
When you look up the word dumbass in the dictionary, this is ONE of the pictures that accompanies the definition.
Crystal is the other picture.
The girls are wrestling on the bed and finally Ty tells them to stop then asks them FOUR TIMES if they understand her. Each time they say yes, so I’m not sure what the problem was here, other than Ty thinks she’s getting a Honey Boo Boo deal from this. She is not.
Ty says, “Her mommy is very goofy,” laughs, “very goofy….yeah. She sure is. (pause) And I’m her mommy.” Uh, what? Is something off with Ty?
“Cariah started doing pageants because she was so cute and I decided that I should let her share her beauty with everyone else,” Ty tells us. Oh, Ty, thank you! You really did all of us a favor by sharing your daughter with us on this one hour show on cable. Thank you!
Cariah tells us she won some cookies and money and nail polish. What odd prizes. Ty tells us that she’s a very creative person and she makes all of Cariah’s costumes. The first one we see looks like someone named Muffy from the 80s vomited up preppy pink and green tulle into a pageant dress. It’s just too much. Then she throws some huge sequined monstrosity onto Cariah’s head.
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