Ty tells us that this is Cariah’s 7th pageant and if she wins ultimate grand supreme, we’ll see her (Ty) spinning in circles like a Tasmanian Devil. How about finding Tasmania on a map?
And finally in Buckeye, Arizona, 5 year old Alyssa tells us she loves pageants. Pageant Grandma “Glamma” runs the show. She’s won ultimate grand supreme many times over and she’s really a pretty girl and kind of funny.
Glamma is cray-cray for sure!
Glamma is a tough coach and criticizes Alyssa during practice, but mom Marilyn says she is around to make sure there is some balance. Alyssa does a great job practicing but says her grandmother drives her nuts. Glamma says that as long as your face hurts from smiling, you’re doing it right.
Glamma ain’t takin’ no prisoners, bitches.
Also, note to any boys who want to be in the show: Sitting on the sofa ignoring the pageant girl while you text or play games on your phone because you are too cool to be a part of this show just makes you look douchey because it’s clear you wanted to be on the show but wanted to pretend you didn’t because you are too cool for school. Next time, just opt out.
And when did they start giving away capes? Sign me up!
Back in Sparks, Crystal is being very stilted in asking Jordan to practice. She interviews that she’s very competitive, which is odd coming from someone who has had her daughter in pageants for 7 years and continues to compete with short hair which you’d think by now she’d understand is not working. Oh, and it’s odd commentary for someone who never wins a top title. At some point, you have to fish or cut bait. And then Jordan can eat that bait.
“My dolls, that I’ve had since I was a little girl, are going to be your judges,” she tells Jordan. Thanks for letting us know that you’ve had the dolls since you were a little girl. Also, is that ring on her hand one of those Franklin Mint Lady Diana engagement ring replicas? Because that’s what it looks like.
Is this doll dead? Because what a creepy doll – one that has eyes the WON’T OPEN. Just like Crystal!
“Right guys?” she asks the dolls as we hear creepy horror-movie music as we see all of her super-creepy dolls. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen most of these dolls on Hoarders too.
Scary doll judges you.
Jordan confirms it. “My mom has lots of dolls. They’re kind of creepy.” Yuuup. Especially since mom is using them as decoration in the living room. Dumbass. She calls Jordan her “living doll” since she can dress her up and do her makeup. She says that’s why they do pageants – it’s the only time Crystal is allowed to dress Jordan up. Man, this chick has problems!
You cannot be for real.
Pages: 1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12