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Crystal is “coaching” Jordan and keeps telling her to slow down. She wants Jordan to be elegant, “But my kid is anything but elegant.” And Jordan’s mother is anything but sane. She’s also a terrible coach.
Crystal asks the doll judges what they think, then she pretends to be their voices and tells Jordan she needs to practice. She’s playing with these dolls and you can just see on Jordan’s face that she cannot believe her mother still plays with dolls and is doing this on TV. She’s also wondering if she should call DCFS or just wait until she’s 18 then just have her mother committed.
Oh, and Jordan could not be less interested in pageants.
Back in Reno, Ty is taking Cariah to get a pedicure because they have a “no crusty feet” policy. No crusty feet. Good policy to have, but seems like regular bathing might help that.
Ty tells us what a glitz pageant is looking for, as though we’ve been deaf, dumb and blind these last few seasons. “So when you come to a glitz pageant, it’s like come or don’t come at all,” she says incomprehensibly. Bet that’s her husband’s philosophy too.
Ty interviews that what makes Cariah stand out is that, “She’s colored…you don’t see that many colored girls. You don’t see colored girls in her age category.”
Uhh…colored? You know what else you don’t see nowadays? People using the term “colored.” Unless they are white folks who are 100 years old. But I haven’t heard that term in YEARS, so I found it odd that someone as young as Ty used it. Also, she’s wrong, we see kids of ALL colors all the time in these things. Now get to the back of the pageant, Rosa Parks.
Ty continues to be a moron. “If I put my money into it, you are definitely going to go out there and perform, because I’m the mother, I pay the cost to be the boss, and when I ask you to do something, you need to do it.” Dumbass.
Then comes the brilliant line of the episode, “So when I give you my raft, you know what time it is.” Now when I closed-captioned it, it did show she said “wrath” but when you watch her mouth, she clearly said “raft” – you can see her mouth do the “f” and the “t.”
You know, Cariah barely talks through this whole show. She must be the brains of the family, because Ty sure isn’t. “Usually, I hurt their feelings,” she says about her daughters, “but if you are asking me to do something and I go out of my way, and you don’t wanna perform, and your feelings get hurt, I feel like that’s a decision you made. You decided to get your feelings hurt. It is what it is.” And what it is, is a dumbass. I’d say worst mother ever, but if you’ve followed this show over the years, she pretty much lands in the middle.