In that episode, Danielle totally loses her shit and cries when she loses, but claims she’s much more mature so that people won’t think she’s a little brat. We certainly did last time. Let’s see if you live up to the maturity you claim so valiantly.
And it’s hard to make fun of a mother who is so cheerful, dammit.
Back with Kayla, she’s going to practice with Coach Georgina, and basically mom just drops her off for a few hours of babysitting while she goes out drinking and shopping. “I try to let Georgina deal with her,” April says. I don’t blame you, that sour puss of Kayla’s makes me want to run in the opposite direction too.
I cannot believe this BULLSHIT.
And of course, Kayla won’t practice, screams no a lot, and basically dicks around. Crickets chirp. However, she’s there for 2 hours and I can think of ADULTS who couldn’t handle a 2-hour class, let alone a four year old. “I get mad!” Kayla says. We know, we’ve seen your face.
It’s like she’s raising J-Lo.
April and a friend/relative show up with tons of shopping bags in their hands (see?) and Kayla demands a snack. She stomps her feet and kicks the wall and pouts. Once she knows the vending machine is downstairs, she goes tearing out of the hallway. She. Is. AWESOME.
Kayla screams that she wanted crackers but Georgina told her no. By now, Kayla is exhausted and hungry and although I think she is a little brat, I’m going to defend her on this one. Clearly she’s been there for 2+ hours and the kid wants some food. That is really tough on a four year old. Hell, I’d be pissing and moaning too! So I’m cutting her a little slack on the stupidity of this situation.
But April is adamant about Kayla practicing before snack time. She says they have two days and Kayla just doesn’t have it together for the pageant. She pulls peanut butter crackers out of her purse and says she doesn’t want to give them to Kayla. She asks if Kayla knows why. “Because I’m not listening,” Kayla says. Give her a goddamn cracker! She whines and stomps her feet and says she doesn’t like her mother. Neither do I!
You want it, don’t you? DON’T YOU? Well you caaaaan’t have it!
Georgina gets her to practice and they make the crackers the judge. Then Kayla actually does her routine, it sort of sucks but at least she did it, and they feed her crackers. And this is exactly how cults work.
Despite my chubby cheeks, I am STARVING!
Kailia is screaming/singing the highest and worst note she could possibly find while practicing at Coach Cambrie’s studio. Coach Cambrie pops up every once in a while and in the one she was in with Kailia, she seemed like she totally hated kids. So she was clearly channeling me.
Glass shatters all the way to Tahoe.
In this episode, however, Coach Cambrie is just a ray of sunshine every time she’s on camera, so I’m guessing she either realize what a cooch she was being last time or she got those icky personal problems worked out. She says that Kailia is a “natural performer” and they have a great job practicing together.
Seriously, I have it together now and I really, really love kids.
“Kailia is different than most of my girls,” she says. “She’s the total package.” Uh, are you sure you want to say that on TV? Because perhaps the other girls you coach CAN HEAR YOU. As can their mothers and the fees that go with them. Duh.
Now Danielle is getting tanned by Lady Shannon (?) and they start talking about Danielle’s beauty dress being designed by Miss Muffet in California. Unfortunately, the dress is running 4-5 days behind and Tedi is starting to freak out. They don’t have a backup dress to bring and she says without that dress, she’ll be “Shit out of luck.” And how!