Crystal, our Clinique rep is trying her best to put makeup on the Hot Mess that is Jozy and Jozy is really having a hard time sitting still for the eyeliner. This bodes well for pageant day. “You’re in my way,” Jozy tells Crystal. “That’s enough!” Oh, honey, you’d better go back to natural pageants. Jozy manages to put dark makeup all over her fingers and arms and as Crystal notes, even in her armpit. “Jozy is completely a hot mess,” Charlotte says. Well, good thing you are going to a pageant then.
Jozy puts her finger in her drink, slams her drink down, then tries to put on the wrong makeup colors. “Use those light colors,” Crystal tells Jozy like it’s going to matter. “Trashy girls use those other colors.” Uh, you know those are all Clinique colors, right? Enjoy your transfer to Elizabeth Arden.
Pageants are just a gateway drug to other addictions like makeup and Kool-Aid.
Oh you have GOT to be kidding me. Jessica is tanning Kendyl with spray tan they purchased from the store. Matt hates the spray tans because he’s a good dad, but still uses it because he’s a pageant dad. While spraying Kendyl, she begins coughing. Breathe deeply kid! I’m sure it won’t affect your DNA or God-given personality.
I got SO HIGH off the spray tan fumes!
Matt says, “It’s chemicals, she’s a baby…” but he continues to hose his baby with the chemicals. He’s got too good of a head on his shoulders for this shit. Come on Matt, stand your ground!
“Personally, I don’t see a problem with the tanning. I have heard from other pageant moms it’s good for their skin, the moisturizers and stuff in them. And I know that it’s not harmful because I was able to get it when I was pregnant with her,” Jessica says. Jessica, you are a moron and I hope Matt files for custody stat. I’m a big self-tanner person too, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be breathing those chemicals in while I was pregnant.
I once caught a baby THIS BIG.
Over in Mobile, Alanna and her family are at a dress shop to get her pageant dress. There is a really pretty yellow one I just love but it’s really not a pageant/cupcake dress.
“The last seven months have been pretty intense preparing for her comeback,” Yolanda says. Uh-oh, I’m sensing that perhaps this is more about Yolanda than Alanna. Are you really planning a regional pageant “comeback” for a six year old? Get. A GRIP.
A crazy pageant mom and a diva pageant girl have just walked into my shop? JACKPOT!
“For beauty, I want options,” Yolanda says and all I hear is the cash register ringing. “Tons of options.” Yes, that IS the cash register. Her strategy is to have options in case the other girls are all wearing the same color – she wants to change Alanna’s dress so she stands out. That is actually a smart idea, but an expensive one.
Also, is this her natural hair? Because I’m going to scalp her and wear it on my head.
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