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Thursday, December 13, 2012
11:38 am
19 Comments
Tagged: causes of eating disorders, China kicking our asses for a reason, Christmas bonus to the people who had to review all of this footage, good talent, honey boo boo, horrible parenting, meltdowns, mom jeans, money makes the pageant, most memorable T&T moments, Mt. Dew Melissa, new money, Ni-Ni, pageant moms, Sugar Bear's a stud, surprisingly NO Eden Wood, Toddlers & Tiaras poem, tragic talent
GASMII! IT’S BAAACK! This season’s Toddlers & Tiaras kicks off with a retrospective of the most memorable moments over the past few years…how they kept this show to one hour is beyond me. Let’s review this look back while the recap of the evening’s newest episode is coming soon!
T&T: Most Memorable Moments, Reviewed in Non-Iambic Pentameter
Blow-drying a food-colored horse
Little red wagon careening off course
A piano pounding brat
With a pole-dancing mom who’s a twat
Deer hunting with grandma in her jacket of poof
Afterwards, slice up the deer’s hoof
Traven having a complete meltdown
And making crude remarks like a male clown
Claims to have one thousand girlfriends
Lies like an urchin, then makes amends
Cassidy the Screaming Satan Girl
With mom giving foreclosure a whirl
Those glitzy dresses won’t pay for themselves
But into their finances you should not delve
Undiagnosed ADHD and vitamins to help
Don’t let her near small animals or you’ll hear a yelp
Pageant moms can’t hold a candle
To Ava’s dad David and his fantastic love handles
Doing her makeup, sewing her dresses
David’s just jealous he does not have her tresses
I won’t say that her dad is gay
But her dad is gay
Brenna is a fugly child full of bile
She falls off her stool into a huge pile
Honey Boo-Boo is all she can be
But the truth is Mama June is who we’d rather see
Talkin’ to Darlene and rubbing on facial mud
Despite only having Alana, Sugar Bear’s the family stud
And let’s not forget Ni-Ni, one of the hard-working ladies
And Little McKenzie, who will end up in Hades
Poor mama Juana is barely awake
If she were, she’d hit her kid with a rake
Kids throwing tantrums ‘til you can’t take it no more
You just want to throw them onto the damn floor
Then the kids whip out their favorite word NO
Usually after giving Pixie Stix a good blow
Moms all say it’s their kid’s cute personality
But all they do is make me want to flee
No one likes to practice, no one likes work
Most of these families are full of big jerks
Traven’s a-screamin’, Berkeley’s just hairy
But those two home-schooled kids are just scary
Stupid eyelashes and the needed ShamBrow
Cannot help this kids, no matter how
Tanning, foundation and mounds of hairspray
It makes the brats run the other way
Totally botching everything onstage
I’d put most of these kids into a small cage
Crying and screaming and wetting their pants
Doesn’t make judges do the happy dance
Blame screw ups on cheating, crazy moms and wolf masks
We’d all do better if we had full flasks
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19 Comments
GENIUS!
You’ve done it again! You are a star for this!
You just won TVgasm!
Damn, Crabby…I haven’t even read it yet but the three comments above mine are quite the endorsement!!
I almost had a canary when I saw the T & T title on my DVR. Yay Crabby’s back! Oh, and the show, too
Oh Crabby I missed you so, good writing Beldar! So happy the psychos are back, and you!
Oh my hell. This is awesome!!!! Hate the show, love the crabby!
This just may be the best thing ever.
here go hell come, that was amazing
What a mess this was.. T&T you showed all the crazies.. for those of you that have been on T&T and didn’t get shown.. Kudos to you!! Excellent job. We know you acted and had some class about yourself. I know somebody that is HEATED because she didn’t get any air time… How about it Mrs. Sparklebaybee Mickie Wood, and what happened to all your fans and followers on facebook and twitter?? Whats really going on? You poor thing. Have you gotten any education for that child of yours? I seriously doubt it. What a fiasco. I did see Cutabitch on there, surprised I didn’t see her swinging on the pole with that other lady… LOL
I questioned myself if it was a good thing or a bad thing to see us on there, lol! All I can say is thankfully it wasn’t for cray-cray behavior that we were captured 3 times!
Beth, you crack me up! They need more Normal families like you
Didn’t they show a shot of Gaby practicing during the “I don’t want to practice”?
They did have her practicing, a shot of her laughing after crowning but they were showing it as her having a meltdown for \losing\ and then for \Judge Dead Possum\ on his head ragging on her outfit.
Thanks
since we all know the normal teeth bleachers are just so much better!
@beth, did I hear that correctly? You are one of the crazies on that made the unforgettable horrible moments. Which one were you? There was so many cry babies, and smacking and bad behavior going on I couldn’t keep up with who was who on there.
@beth, now I know who you are. The last comment gave you away!!! You were the one that was mad because her daughter out modeled yours and beat your kid at the pageant. You girls have a fued going on with each other. Bleaching teeth cant be any worse than what some of these people do on this show. Do you still follow these people around just to see what her daughter does and how she wins? Just curious??
My favourite moment from last year was that wagon getting away from the mom and the kid falling out of it. I watch it about 10 times and each time it just got funnier.
Yes, I’m a terrible person.
@ georgiababe, I laughed my ass off when the little red wagon went off roading through the woods. I know it was bad, and could have been worse, but it was just so funny!!
@ talk it then, no beth was not one of those crazy moms! She is down to earth, and her girls are great! Beth makes all the girls’ glitz dresses and other outfits.
I am sure that all these moms have some sort of “beef” with each other. Beth had even stated that they were at the previous pageant to root for some friends….I their episode, you never saw the girls talking smack to their mom, throwing hissy fits, screaming, yelling, hitting, and all sorts of shit that these kids do. They actually look like they enjoy pageants. Also from what I “know” about Beth, I am pretty sure she wouldn’t take that shit from her girls!!
@talkitthen No, I don’t follow them around, I happen to have been at a pageant they were filming helping a friend and her daughter, just ironic they got us on camera. I haven’t seen them since last April and I could care less how they are doing. I wasn’t mad she “outmodeled” my daughter. Out of 100 contestants, Gabby actually finished in the top 10, so I am quite content (and was then) with the outcome. Amazing how editing makes it look like you clearly give a damn after being up 36 hours straight. And when tbat child asked for my daughters hand in the registration line so she could “break her fingers” you damn well better believe I don’t care for them. Unfortunately for you that didn’t make it on camera.
Should I be ashamed that I remember every single parent and child in your non-iambic non-sensical sensation of a non-cap?
I heart you so much and I’m thrilled to have you back in full mock.
@Beth, dont get so defensive.. if you are on the show it opens up a hole can of worms for you. You should know that. No need to justify what your daughter won, from what they said they acted like you were following her around. Just a word to the wise, if you dont want things said about you then dont say them about others. Just commenting on the remark made about the teeth whitening.