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And finally in Saraland, Alabama, we meet Destiny, 5, who claims she will kill the competition. Finally! Hope she does it with arsenic-laced face powder. Mom LeAnne has A LOT going on what with the matchy-matchy clothes, earrings and eye shadow. There’s really a cornucopia of magenta going on, isn’t there?
Destiny is cute save for the scorching case of herpes coldsore she’s spotting on her lower lip. Sure hope it clears up by this weekend! Oh, and guess what? LeAnne used to do pageants when she was younger (and I’m loving the 80s hair!). She says she’d still do them if she weren’t so fat. Take June with you then!
Back with Alana and the gang, they are pulling fresh meat out of the cooler and June says it’s what they call roadkill. Because IT ACTUALLY IS roadkill. She tells us that their local law enforcement called them and told them about a deer that was hit, so they went over to get it. I sort of get that, I mean, if the deer is dead, at least it doesn’t totally go to waste. Plus, I’m sure Alana’s family could use the meat and June says the whole family can eat from it for a month. Again, better to use it than lose it.
Then it gets a little creepy as June grinds up some of the meat as dad Sugar Bear says it’s a good way to save up and do pageants. Or, if you are eating roadkill, you may just want to avoid the money pit of pageants altogether. But again, June is an extreme couponer, so I’m willing to let this pass. Truth is, they aren’t putting a second mortgage on their house and I don’t think they are spending thousands on dresses for Alana. It’s just something fun they do as a family. They do seem to do it in a cost-effective manner, although the wins do not seem to be rainin’ down on Honey Boo Boo.
Alana picks up some meat and calls it Darlene for some reason. June clarifies that when they get a deer, they do name it and this one Alana is calling Darlene. Alana speaks to a huge chunk of it that is still on the bone. June holds up Darlene’s tail, all they have left of her, and says she sure is going to taste good going down. I hope she means the deer meat.
They cook up the deer and Alana eats some, then asks if we want to talk to Darlene. She lifts her shirt, shows her belly and squeezes it like it’s talking, saying, “Let me out of there, my big fat tummy!”