Boobs, boobs and more cone boobs!
We head back north to the Garden State of New Jersey for this week’s episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Pageant Director Jonel Stanek tells us the Hollywood Stars Pageant & Talent will have kids from Hollywood to New Jersey in this pageant. Yeah, right.
Somebody’s new to Toddlers & Tiaras!
However, I did notice there was a little girl dressed like some kid of the 1960s version of Village of the Damned, some girl ripping off her smock to show what looks to be a leather-ish bustiered-see-through outfit, a Playboy Bunny and OH MY GOD! Is that Calamarie in her Shake-Shack? Did they finally get her the meds she so desperately needs? Maybe her foster parent did while her skank mother “rests” in a community center for the criminally negligent and foul-mouthed.
Do we need to get the marinara or not? Because I’m pretty sure that’s a big pile of calamari onstage!
“We can turn Hollywood dreams into realities,” Jonel says. The pageant is owned by a talent agency, “And we really do feel that pageant kids have an inside scoop on the entertainment world.” Then why aren’t they working for TMZ? Because most of them barely have the inside scoop on day care, that’s why!
First up in Toms River, New Jersey is a kid we saw a couple of seasons ago onstage with cone boobs like Madonna circa whenever she was actually relevant. Mom Tina hasn’t updated her Walkman cassettes in a long time, hence the continuous obsession with Madonna.
The sad remains of Madonna’s career.
Tina admits the Madonna routine was controversial – people either loved it or hated it. Uh-huh. Mom Tina says that now that Mia is four, she has to have a routine down, she can’t just jerk around and touch her cone boobs like she’s two. Duh!
And all I can think about when I see Tina is…
Tina asks Mia to rap and she basically just spits all over the place. Mia interviews if she wins, she’ll be happy and if she loses she’ll be sad, rubbing her eyes. Which are already bright red from allergies or borax or something. She really seems like she should be tested for anemia, kid is almost transparent she’s so white.
More gruel sir? And can you throw an iron pill and a TB vaccination in there too?
In St. Albans, New York, we meet spazmo of the episode, Casey who is 7. Girl has a lot of spastic energy, that’s for sure. Mom Melissa says Casey is new to pageants but is a superstar. Oh, Melissa, really?
You gotta admit, that is some MAD flava!