Judges deliberate…and the three judges comprise of a beauty queen, casting director and talent scout, so this should be a hot mess. They said Mia had a problem with the flipper and there was some dislike of the new costume/garters hanging down; Kelsey had great eye contact and fantastic routine; Casey was too bouncy in beauty but was amazing as Beyoncé.
Crowning! Man, we just kind of flew through this episode, didn’t we?
But the stress! THE STRESS!
Emcee Wiseguy is waaay creepy when he announces that it is TIME. FOR CROWNING. Ick. “Now…the tension begins,” he says, clearly clueless that the tension began about 2 weeks ago for most families.
First up is Princesses, ages 0-4, not our girls! Queen, 0-4…not our girls! Which, what?!?!? Mia messes up and pulls for a higher title? Unfortunately, she doesn’t get this and bursts into tears, and she calls the emcee a “meanerhead.” I’ll have to remember that.
Next is Princesses, 7-8 category, not Casey! Queen, 7-8, not Casey! Wow, she pulls for a higher title!
Supreme crowning portion is next and Jillian says the contract is actually for modeling. Ah, yes, the most legitimate talent contract there is.
Grand Print Supreme for best photo is…Mia! Well, of course it is, she wasn’t screwing up in the picture, was she? The funniest part is Mia is zonked out so she sleeps through her entire crowning. Mom, wearing her crown and preening, says, “Cost a small fortune.” So do kids, Tina, so do kids.
The face of a winner…who needs a nappy-nap!
As Mia is carried off the stage by a handler, the Emcee Wiseguy says, “Okay, Mia, you go shushy-bye night-night.” This guy is clearly on parole and trying to make the best of it.
Grand Supreme 0-4 is…KELSEY! Schweet! She total ruled this pageant and deserved the crown. Jillian says no matter her ups and downs, she did great. Then Kelsey looks down and the crown goes crashing to the floor. So we’re ending on a down?
She looks really mischievous…or she’s about to fall asleep again!
Then the creepiest thing happens. Emcee Wiseguy leaves his podium area and walks over to Casey, saying, “Hello Casey, how are you? Would you like to win a trophy? Congratulations YOU ARE TODAY’S ULTIMATE GRAND SUPREME WINNER!” That would have scared the shit out of most kids, but Casey has a confidence that cannot be shaken. Also, I’m sure Wiseguy’s ankle bracelet would have shocked him pretty badly had he actually tried to leave the premises.
Well-earned, kid…and on in your face, you ugly losers!
Melissa is a total hoot because she interviews that she was happy that Casey won, then she does that snappy-finger thing in a big circle, then cracks up because she knows she’s just not that diva pageant mom. She’s pretty down-to-earth, funny and doesn’t take things too seriously beyond the normal nervousness of a parent. Love her! Also, I never want to see her again because she gives me nothing to work with! In fact, none of these parents were rude, crazy or illiterate. Has TLC gone soft on us? I hope not.*