Toddlers & Tiaras Recap: Cone Boobs or Not, Madonna’s Not Fresh!

72 Comments

1. 1
   ellemenop
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

   as always, thanks for the awesome recap, crabby! i love that you added a tag called “legitimate modeling contracts” — hahaha!

2. 2
   ellemenop
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

   hmmm, i just realized that they really should’ve gone for bollywood instead of hollywood, because that’s more parsippany’s style. and you could totally replace indian sweets as the pageant crack of choice for this one. and the costumes will be cooler. maybe i’ll throw the next pyramid scheme pageant in the area.

3. 3
   Moli
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

   Casey should have her own show that girl is a riot. When the show ended I said out loud ‘eh, I have nothing’, com’on TLC…give me the whiny crappy kids.

4. 4
   sagittariuskim
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

   Every week this show teaches me something new. I never knew it was possible to have too much personality.

5. 5
   Ali
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm

   All I have to say is this and I know everyone is going to twist and turn this to mean something else which is in itself crazy!! Especially since by now all you recap stalkers know I don’t speak nor comment with a filter!! Aftet this recap and past ones now that I think about it…
   Just clearly points out that crabby is in fact African American, and prejudice and it is reflected in her Recaps! Lucky for her racism isn’t frowned upon in what she does. Althought Casey was AMAzing, beautiful, and very deserving!! (read some of her past work..)

6. 6
   Ali
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:18 pm

   Also this episode was boring for u basher’s so thought I would add a little fun to it!

7. 7
   Veruca
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

   You didn’t have to call her a racist to enable us to have fun. All you had to do was make one of your famous semi-illiterate posts.

8. 8
   michkabibbles
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:29 pm

   i kind of liked the kid dressed up as ellen-made a nice change from parents who think celebrity means hooker whore outfits.

9. 9
   ellemenop
   Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:32 pm

   is no one paying attention to you at home tonight, ali?

10. 10
    georgiababe
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    @Ali: How on earth is Crabby a racist? I’m really confused about how you came to that thunderously wrong conclusion.

    Also, your inability to grasp even the most basic grammar and sentence structure is truly astounding. You make E.L. James look like a literary wizard.

11. 11
    Dear Crabby
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Ali, WTH are you talking about? If you were a consistent reader, you’d know I’m so white I’m almost lavendar, scattered with freckles. But I do discriminate against illiterates, so perhaps that’s your issue? And if you read the WHOLE recap you’d know I loved Casey and totally thought she deserved to win. It’s not a race thing, it’s a stupidity thing with most of the pageant people on the show (not all). But you know, find racism where you will.

    Meanerhead!

12. 12
    Dear Crabby
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    @ michkabibbles – OMG, it was Ellen? That is excellent…the shoes should have given it away. That is totally cool…I was worried it was a blonde Bieber.

    Thanks for the clarification!

13. 13
    ZipLock
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Ellen! Super cool!

    I have a good friend, male, who was laid off a couple of years ago in a downsizing. He’s not been able to find a new job in spite of being well-qualified, smart and nice. He gets to the in-person interview process and that’s it. I’m pretty sure the problem is that he has a large, distracting, unattractive mole on his face. Too bad he doesn’t read these recaps, he might get the hint.

14. 14
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Poor Mia. Kid has a huge honker at age four. I see a rhinoplasty in her future.

15. 15
    BedHeadJen
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Holy moly, that was a great recap. I haven’t had a decent nights sleep since I heard Matty ‘the creeper’ Walnuts say shushy-bye night-night.

16. 16
    ohsnap
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Isn’t calamari from the midwest somewhere? Why on Earth would one travel that far for a pageant? Oh the talent agent thing, yeah, that would make me want to travel cross country too.

17. 17
    Chicken Lips
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    @ohsnap – she didn’t really travel for the pageant – she travelled to see the beauty that is Parsippany, NJ. =)

    I hope that Mia grows into her nose and her eighthead. I’m thinking bangs wouldn’t be out of the question for a little while.

18. 18
    ellemenop
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    she really came to take a side trip to newark to see what her future street corners would look like.

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    michkabibbles
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    @dearcrabby, i couldn’t tell if you were being sarcastic! it was the chair that sold it. i just loved that someone chose a celebrity that doesn’t go around naked all the time.

20. 20
    Stacey
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 12:14 am

    @michkabibbles I saw it was Ellen right off too. Loved that! And @dearcrabby, I am so happy the illiterate Ali gave you the chance to use Meanerhead! Great recap -

21. 21
    Penny Ruxpin
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Is Ali the pagent mom with the meth face and comma brows? The mom who called everyone ignorant? Or is she the tubby mother of the rancid Calamari?

22. 22
    Moli
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 4:24 am

    I could have sworn I’ve been giggling at DC’s pasty white chick comments/jokes for years now.

23. 23
    Moli
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 4:27 am

    BTW,Ali is comma brows.

24. 24
    LoyalViewer
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Ali, quick grammar lesson here, you claim that Crabby is “prejudice” but unfortunately, “prejudice” is a noun; the proper phrasing would have been to say that Crabby is “prejudiced”, which is actually an adjective. An adjective describes a noun; in this case, Crabby is the noun (person, place, or thing) and prejudiced is the word describing her. If you need any further pointers on how to speak/write properly my eight year old can give you some lessons – it would be money better spent than the cash you throw away on pageant coaches.

    I’ve also got news for Casey’s parents, and every other parent who went to that pageant thinking that the “legitimate modeling contract” was going to make them rich. A contract with an agent only means that you are represented by them; it cannot get you any work. The agents submit the kids’ pictures to casting directors, who then narrow the pool down to a half dozen or so, and then the clients pick who they want. I really like Casey, though, and I’m sure that casting directors would love her personality, so best of luck to her.

    When Casey first started out I thought she was too spastic and silly, but she did a great job. Poor Mia; she’s better looking than when she was two, but the brief glimpse we got of her dad shows where the nose comes from. If she starts getting mom’s mole she’s really in trouble. Kelsey was cuter without the pageant hair/makeup. When her mom did the rocker fingers in her first TH segment I cringed; Kylie LaDuca’s mom did the same thing both times she was on. Don’t these women realize how ridiculous they look?

    A poster on another blog said that the girl in the black bustier/garters and the playboy bunny girl are sisters. Do the fathers not have any say, here? What father in their right mind would allow his child to be put on display like that?

    Looking forward to next week. Honey Boo Boo should give us lots to snark on. Great recap, Crabby!

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    bumblebee
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I didn’t realize it was Ellen either. I thought it was Angelina Jolie’s kid, Shiloh. LOL But, I agree, good on the parents for not tramping up their daughter.

    @LoyalViewer- I had the same thought about the fathers. But on the rare occasion we actually see the fathers on this show, they all seem to have stopped fighting with the wives long ago. “Well, she’s going to do what she’s going to do,” said as they longingly look at the glass jar in their wife’s purse that holds their balls.

26. 26
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Black bustier and playboy bunny are, in fact sisters. We met Laila (black bustier) on the glitzmas episode with bob and Riley. She was the kid in the cute rockette outfit. We got a fleeting glimpse of her sister, Greer (there is a 3rd sister whose name I believe is piper). There is definitely a dad in the picture, but clearly not one who either is involved in the pageant hobby, or knows how to tell his wife “no”, I am guessing. Cone-bra was bad enough. Garter-suit was inappropriate, but at least Mia was covered up for the most part (and especially so since she forgot to strip anyway). The black “Madonna” outfit was just– ick. I don’t know which made me want to bleach my brain more– that or the playboy bunny. WHO would ever think that was okay?!

27. 27
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Dear Crabby a racist? So not true, she snarks on anyone regardless of race, creed or color, and does it with CLASS!!!!

    Read it again Ali, like alot of us, she liked Casey. She was a little weird in her beauty, but her Beyonce was awesome and she deserved to win. She is adorable and I say that as a foxy white woman with a great tan!

    Crabby, though not alot of good material this week from the show (We need the lunatics) your recap has once again made my day! Keep up the non-racist work!

28. 28
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Oh and btw, I miss my Mr. Todd, where or where can he be???

29. 29
    ellemenop
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:17 am

    true; all pageants need to involve tonya, betty, or mr. todd. love!

30. 30
    timgunnssister
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Looks like Ali isn’t getting nearly enough attention at home. And I shall give her no further attention here.

    Poor Mia. When will Mom’s realize that if they need those types of gimmicks costume-wise to get their kids some press, the kid simply isn’t enough of the ‘total package’ to win these travesties of pageantry. I, too, liked Casey and her Mom. And if Kelsey wasn’t faking the sleepiness (hey, it got her extra camera time, right?) then the kid needs to be checked for narcolepsy.

31. 31
    rubinia
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:29 am

    I loved the Ellen outfit too! And I think Mia’s garter outfit was something Madonna wore on her Blonde Ambition tour…that get-up also had cone boobs, but luckily Mia’s mom didn’t use them this time… http://www.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2004/11/15903245-15903247-large.jpg

32. 32
    alice
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:39 am

    theses shows are starting to get boring..thank the pagent god next week its honey boo boo and after the honey boo boo child show!!! i’ll give her a dollar watch her holla!!!! redneck night on the learning channel!!!

33. 33
    classy drunk
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 9:02 am

    lol @ keep up the non racist work. That was knee slapping funny to me.

34. 34
    Dear Crabby
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 9:15 am

    @Penny Ruxpin – I have to admit, I was drawing a blank on Ali last night until you mentioned the comma eyebrows. These illiterate pageant hilljacks all start to run together

    And no, I wasn’t kidding about not knowing it was Ellen but as soon as someone mentioned it, I was like duh! Of course that is – although I’m torn – maybe that girl had two mommies, which is cool, but two PAGEANT moms? I hope not for that kid! One is enough!

    And in keeping with the grammar patrol, I’m lavendEr not lavendAr. Derrr. This is what happens when you comment after a couple of merlots.

    Yes – next week looks fantastic, I do love Honey Boo-Boo, I really think she’s cute, but that mom of hers…scary!

35. 35
    PopePhilly
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

    @DearCrabby: I love reading your recaps! I also want to invite you to the racist slumber party with all of us over at “Hell’s Kitchen.” We’re going to braid our hair and play “Mall Madness” and “Pretty Pretty Princess!” Calling recappers “racist” has become the theme of this week, I think.

    Thanks for making me laugh each week! I almost want to watch the show because of how you describe it.

36. 36
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I don’t understand how parents don’t recall that when Madonna wore those costumes, they were features of overtly masturbatory dance sequences intended to be sexually provacative.

    I know this is a thoroughly beaten horse, but how is this cute for a toddler? ICK ICK and ICK.

37. 37
    joye
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Ali, I’ll gladly buy you a filter if you can’t afford one. Not sure why you are proud to work without a net…the results are not pretty.

38. 38
    MarianMoney
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    I thought Mia looked like she already had a nose job. And needs another. Poor mud would look a lot acuter out of the stage makeup and lingerie.

    A pageant where they call it like it is would be nice. Beauty could be called” ugly girls in fluffy dresses” and outfit of choice could be ” whorewear for toddlers”

    Keep up the racist comments. The ” against the sub human race” comments oh skim milk colored one.

39. 39
    Moli
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    @MarianMoney, who are you referring to in regards to racist comments? Surely not the ever so pale DearCrabby…whose only comments in the ‘cap I would consider racist(teehee) would be Mia being anemic since she is so damn pale. But, considering how DC talks about her(personal) paleness I wouldn’t think of it as racist…but her pointing out the obvious.

40. 40
    Sharon
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I am almost afraid to watch Honey Boo Boo this week! I am afraid it will cause my head to cave in. from the snark spewing out!!! But, then again, puppies and kittens make my head explode from their cuteness, so maybe I will look at LOL Cats while watching.

41. 41
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    @Moli – I believe Marian’s point is that the only race DearCrabby is “prejudice” against is hilljacks.

    Great recap as always!

    I really loved Casey, great parenting is a breath of fresh air-but too much of it would tank this show unfortunately.

    I am childless and guilty of not being outraged by the various whore-tot costumes on this show… yet that black garter set on the non-featured kid really grossed me out. If it gets to me, you have REALLY gone too far.

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    MarianMoney
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 2:50 am

    @Moli. I was being fresh. ” subhuman” race.

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    Moli
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 4:20 am

    *blushes* a tad defensive when it comes to our DC. Sorry MM;-)

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    Pageant-grandma
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Poor Mia seems to be a 1-2 punch kinda kid, without the 2, at least where t&t editing is concerned. I went back and watched her other episode– decent in beauty, and just kinda lost in the other event.

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    in the know
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I would like to add my 2 cents here. My girls, Laila and Greer, wore the black Madonna and playboy bunny outfits. You are right, they were very inappropriate and we will no longer be wearing the bunny and Madonna (which we are almost done with) has been revamped and has full tights and a skirt added. I got carried away in the competitiveness of this particular pageant with one of the featured mothers(whom I will not name but I’m sure you can figure out) because she was having a fit over who I wanted to portray for my Hollywood wear. My girls win all over the country, they are “REAL” pageant girls and they do not need to use outfits with “shock factor” to win. My mistake, we all make then but I’ve learned from this one.

46. 46
    crockpot
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    @ITK- Awesome. Burn that garbage & your daughters are so cute they don’t need the low trash shock factor even it makes for a good T&T program & fun DC recaps.

47. 47
    Crabbyfan
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Wait… so let me get this straight… if you don’t get called for a princess, queen or whatever title that pageant made up to make you feel good, you pull for a higher title?

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    Veruca
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Thats interesting, ITK– or Lauren. Seeing as your girls wore those outfits for MONTHS and moms bashed you for it for MONTHS, NOW you decide they are inappropriate? Really? I could say much more, but I’ll keep this to strictly pageants.

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    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    @itk – kudos to you for coming here and saying you made a mistake and were rethinking your costume choices. No one is perfect and I think the pageant world is one big game of one-upmanship, which can be really hard to break out of or take a step back from.

    The costumes were really well made (part of what made them so creepy) and the girls were beautiful so I know you’ll come up with something fantastic next.

    Big kudos to the Hairspray routine, that is a great funny original idea that no one is going could claim sexuality overdose for. That mom seemed so fun!

50. 50
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Intheknow– I do realize that t&t episodes are filmed setimes up to a year before they are aired. And you are right– your daughters are gorgeous talented girls who supreme whenever they step on stage– So I have to ask — wHY?!?!?! What lapse in judgement made you think a PLAYBOY bunny (you don’t live under a rock!) was remotely appropriate for Greer ?!?! I can almost forgive you for the tacky Madonna outfit, but what makes a mom think “I know… I’ll dress my THREE YEAR OLD like a woman who hangs out at a gigilo’s mansion and poses NUDE in magazines!! yes! That’s the celebrity I want her to emulate!!!”. ???? It’s as bad, if not worse than, the infamous prostitute outfit, and gives all of us pageant-folk a bad name.

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    in the know
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Well pageant-grandma, to my knowledge the bunnies were not actually the girls whose posed in the magazines, they were more like waitresses. Greer wore the exact outfit for her dance competition solo (minus the ears and tail) and everyone loved it and not once did anyone say it was inappropriate. Either way I will not make any excuses, she only wore it at two pageants and will not be wearing it again.

52. 52
    Sharon
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Pageant grandma she said she learned and won’t do it again. Let’s give her some credit. A lot of the moms are so defensive they would cut you off at the knees for even suggesting they were wrong.

53. 53
    Veruca
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 1:00 am

    Sharon– those of us who have been around them in person can tell you that the real reason she “learned” and “won’t do it again” is because at a few pageants this year, her girls got low or no titles at all because of the gross inappropriateness of their costuming. Not to mention the horrid backlash she received on the pageant boards about not only the bunny costume, but the fishnet Madonna thing she had Laila in. It has hurt her girls ability to bring home a crown. I’ve seen her in action too many times to give her credit for “learning”.

54. 54
    Bluedog
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 4:17 am

    ITK even if the “bunnies” were waitresses, surely you would have higher aspirations for your daughters?

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    Moli
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 4:26 am

    I can’t believe I’m going to type this, IDK saw the error of her ways. Regardless of the reason, she admitted her mistake and is trying to move on to more age appropriate costumes for her girls. No need to keep going on and on, what can you gain?

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    Moli
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 4:28 am

    ITK oops

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    Bluedog
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 4:31 am

    Can anyone help me? I can’t find this episode on U Tube.

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    Pageant-grandma
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 6:18 am

    I would guess its not on YouTube yet– only some are. I get that she’s not using the costumes now, and I am glad– I really was just looking to find out what was going through her head when she had the costumes made. I’ve seen the girls compete before, though I don’t know her or them personally, and she didn’t strike me as the sort to resort to “shock factor” costumes. Both girls are beautiful, and genuinely do well on stage and seem to love it. But regardless of the temporary insanity, I am glad the bunny costume is no longer in use, and the Madonna costume has been revamped. I do appreciate how hard it can be to come up with something original for these themed pageants– we recently did one with a “princess” theme. One child I design for really wanted to be the little mermaid, but I couldn’t come up with a way to do that where she wasn’t half-naked, or at least look like she was, and I wasn’t comfortable with anything that resembled “shell bra” on a 3-yr-old. We ended up going in a completely different direction. (princess of punk) and it paid off.

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    Tara
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I think the girl in the couch on page 3 is Ellen DeGeneres.

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    sagittariuskim
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:04 am

    @Bluedog http://www.youtube.com/user/toddlerstvshow

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    sagittariuskim
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:08 am

    @ Pageant-grandma Why didn’t you make costume that looked like Ariel’s dress while she was on land? Or like she wore at the end?

62. 62
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    This was a small natural pageant– anything that elaborate would have been more than mom was willing to spend, and frankly, it would only be recognized by people who are more than passingly familiar with the movie.

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    StageMom
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Laila and Greer are two of the top pageant girls in the country. I’m glad the judges hated those costumes because they simply didn’t need to go there. My biggest fear was that other pageant moms would try to copy because these girls are among the best of the best. Very happy to hear the bunny and Madonna are retired, hope I never see them again.

    Other than that, this episode was pretty boring. I had to laugh at Mia popping her flipper in and out. We always try the flipper out before hand, practice wearing it while doing the routine a couple times. We had one that fit one week, and didn’t fit the next week, and noticed it when we did the run through before hand. It’s better to go flipperless and be happy then to wear the flipper and be uncomfortable.

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    Bluedog
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Pageant-grandma I teach singing and one of my mums made an Ariel costume for “Part of your world” using flesh coloured material on the top with the shells sewn on. Covered up the child and looked great on stage.

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    Gwen
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    I’m not sure if anyone has said this yet, but I didn’t really feel like reading 64 comments lol. But that’s not Calamari (in the third picture), that’s Kiley or Karley (can’t remember which is which) from Paisley’s debut episode.

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    Ellen Mom
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 8:02 am

    My daughter is the “boy.” She was dressed as Ellen Degeneres. She has a standup of Ellen when she first goes on stage and they are dressed very similar. We definitely were looking for something age appropriate and original. My girl loves to watch the Ellen show because Ellen dances when she is introduced. And, because of who it was, my girl loved the routine and was excited to be on the stage for it. Thanks for all the positive feedback!

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    jessicad519
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Kudos Ellen mom! That outfit was cute, not slutty, and it looked like your daughter was enjoying it. I’m so glad that I’m not the only mom with a young girl who thinks Ellen “is so funny”.

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    Ellens biggest fan
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    @ellens mom, I freaking adore the outfit and I think she rocks it! And the act is adorable as well! I maybe a little biased though!;)
    <3 J.R.B.
    Come back to Florida!!!!

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    Dear Crabby
    Posted August 11, 2012 at 11:42 am

    @Gwen – thanks for the clarification, that kid seemed too pretty and too alert to be Calamari! Ha!

    @Ellen Mom – sorry I missed what that outfit was but I LOVE IT! I thought it was refreshing to see a little girl’s stomach/legs/arms/hootie covered up for once at a pageant – nice change of pace and very original. Nice job and welcome to TVgasm…dish and gossip all you want. And keep up the good work with your daughter, we appreciate it!

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    crockpot
    Posted August 11, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Two thumbs along with others here on Ellen Mom doing a great job with her daughters routine.

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    Ellen mom
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    Thanks y’all! She didn’t win, but she loves it anyway. And, that’s what matters. =o)

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    Kathy R.
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    boring episode, Director Jonel whateve is hot for a pageant director, but the episode was boring , is TLC going soft??