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Buster is getting ready to leave for the pageant with Chante and Kali, and he is pissing up a storm all over the outside of the house and yard while they head to the car. Chante tries to grab him to put him in his crate, but he wants none of it. So someone (her mother?) holds him during the trip while Chante drives.
HOOOOLY SHIT! The twins got a tour bus for Christmas from dad. Seriously, what does he do for a living if he can offer his bitch-ass mother-in-law $100,000 to go away and buys a tour bus for two four year olds? I picked the wrong career!
The creepy thing? The tour bus has pictures of the girls ALL OVER IT. Basically, it’s the Pedophile Express Tour of 2012. Why do people not understand this?
Kelly tells us that they do have an entourage that travels with them – I’m guessing more than just the lamb and turkey.
No, wait…here’s the creepy thing! Kelly says the girls have their own personal bodyguards whose job is to “keep them safe because they are little mini-celebrities.” By whose standards? Because they sure as shit aren’t Eden Woods.
There are two bodyguards in one shot, but we only meet bodyguard Carl, and he freaked me the shit out. “I love the twins. And if someone tried to harm the twins, I’d be in a situation,” he says, in a very odd and creepy way. Did anyone else get the feeling he’d have no problem killing the parents and hijacking the bus to Mexico with the two girls? Because I did. And I peed a little just thinking about bumping into him at the grocery store. You know he’d be buying a lot of coconuts for like no reason.
Kelly reminds us once again that they will spend any amount of money on their girls to make sure they succeed. But only in pageants, not in life? Because that money is probably better spent on education than being pretty. I’m not saying you can’t do both, but beauty ain’t going to get you that CEO job at Google. Just some pet food for thought.
“Arkan-sauce, here we come!” one of the twins says. Hahahaha! Arkan-sauce. I love that on pork chops.
Pageant day in BlytheDannerVille, Arkansas!
I see they have blurred out the name of the hotel, probably because no one would stay there after seeing the poop all over that place. Pageant Director Joy points out that luckily the pets won’t be judged on facial beauty or poise. Phew!
Huh. The twins and their entourage pull up in a big white van. Are they being shuttled from their tour bus? Nope. The bus broke down and they had to rent a van. The best part is the lamb wouldn’t stop crying unless someone held it, so they had 13 hours – 13 HOURS of holding the baby lamb. And do you know what the top prize is at this pageant they just spent 13 hours driving to? A trophy, crown and $250 cash. Which is what it probably costs per day to rent that van. America, I really do weep for you sometimes. But mostly I just judge you and your squid.Seriously, where are we on that marinara?
Karley shows up and says she wants to win ultimate grand supreme so she can get a crown. She also hopes Slither gets a crown because they lost his.