Now THAT’S a crown! I need to get one of these for my yard.
Pageant Die-rector Annette Hill introduces us to this week’s Toddlers & Tiaras Universal Royalty Pageant, a Tribute to Motown! Yay whiteys who compete! “It’s all about old school glitz and glamour and Motown music,” she says. Or at least music that sounds Motown-y, given that the rights would be impossibly expensive to pay for.
The years Motown would like to forget.
Annette says it’s lots of fun for the kids because they get to be creative no matter how much they have no clue what Motown is. “I’m gonna be dancing wif them,” Annette says. Oh no! Not the “wif” word, Annette. I expect more from you, a pageant die-rector!
But this is NOT the face of a scam artist!
A sneak preview of the pageant shows a lot of kids seem channeling Aretha Franklin, as Annette says she has some rhinestones for Berry Gordy. And he has a cease and desist for you! Not as shiny and more binding!
Is this an outie or is your umbilical cord happy to see me?
First up in Commerce, Texas, crazy mom Loni asks to see her daughter’s spin and her son’s salute…except in the confusion, he almost starts to spin. Don’t ask, don’t tell, kid! “With two kids in the pageant, we’re sure to bring home the MOOONEY!” Loni says. Don’t hold your breath.
The face of cluelessness.
Mackenzie tries to tell us that she’s the oldest at 10, but per every girl’s agreement with her little brother since the dawn of time, brother Christian butts into what she’s saying, commandeers the conversation, and says he’s the youngest at 7. Then he elbows Mackenzie. Been there, sister.
She ought to elbow him back in the nads as soon as the cameras are turned off.
Loni tells us that she didn’t do pageants as a kid but she loves all the sparkly clothes. Preaching to the choir, Loni. Loni tells us that she had Mackenzie registered for a pageant “When she was still in my stomach.” Loni, it’s called a uterus and if you didn’t know that, get thee to the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo recapto learn not only that, but how it is different from your biscuit.
Too bad that fist isn’t coming at your chin full-force.
Loni tells us that really, she’s living her dream, then she puts her fist under her chin and makes that creepy pouty look all the girls do to give pedophiles their kick for the day. Then she bats her eyes and jokes she’s “Not near as good as the kids.” And your kids suuuuuck as we shall see.
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