“I thought it was good,” Joshua says, stupidly adding, “I don’t know what the little people…down at the table…that are judging…” (you mean THE JUDGES?) “…are looking for…” What a dumbass. “‘That was a really sharp turn, way to go,’” he jokes. “It’s like, she’s three. You’re not gonna get like a bunch of crap out of her.” You might, if she’s not totally potty trained. Is this guy for real? Maybe the reason Lana didn’t want him too far away from her is his inability to find his way home on a consistent basis.
Could you please stop listening to Styx for one goddamn second and pay attention to your daughter?
Points off for Chloe’s stupid dad.
Boys are up next and it looks like they have a total of THREE. Gee, Christian is sure to sweep the pageant, isn’t he?
And this does a nice job of replacing actual practice!
Christian gets onstage and looks cute with his hair slicked back and the once piece on his forehead. But he is stiff, has a fake smile and low energy. Oooh, bummer.
Cute, but stiff as a tree branch.
Hey, there is Jaclyn – redhead, remember her? Her stepmom was totally quirky and her family was totally supportive. She’s adorable!
Annette calls Jayla and they act like she’s running super late while they fix her hair and choker, but I don’t think she really was. She’s cute onstage but I’m gonna say it…girl needs fake eyelashes. And I think the makeup looks a little clown-ish, but if Barbie the Bozo did it, then I think we have the reason why.
Eyelashes, Bozo! Eyelashes!
Suddenly, Music of Crisis™ plays and something’s wrong…what is it? I don’t see it! I don’t see it! Then a judge incomprehensibly says, “Jayla started out her beauty routine professionist.” Closed captioning showed the word “professionalism,” which still doesn’t make much sense (and I don’t think that is what she said when you watch her mouth) but people, stop making words up. Also, I don’t think Jayla really mucked anything up, she was fine. Seriously, what was their damage with that kid? I thought she was fine, but I’m not a trained person sitting at the table doing the, you know, judging. Fax Machine knows what I mean.
Next time mommy tells you to go to a pageant, you’d better do it, or the left arm is next!
Oh, hey, guess what? Mackenzie has 16 girls in her age group. SIXTEEN. Mackenzie is nervous as her mother tells her that her only competitor is herself. Oh, and the 15 other girls in her age group, all the other kids at the pageant, and her brother, lest we forget that little numbnut.
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