Hailey says she’s scared about her first pageant because the other girls “might be better than me.” Oh, honey, that is a given. I mean, you are in the mother ship of pageants: Texas. Most of these girls have been pageanting (Webster: take note of that new word!) since birth and only premies have been doing it longer.
Finally, in Pearland, Texas, we meet the heinous brat of the episode and her dumb mother Monica who says, “My daughter likes to shake it high, shake it low, shake it to the flow,” which, what? Is she shaking it to Aunt Flow? Help me out here. Where is “to the flow”???
Ava, 3, tells us that she’s going to the pageant and she’s going to win. Let’s just hold that thought for a few moments.
She looks innocent, but don’t let that fool you.
Monica tells us that Ava’s personality is “hot and cold” which we all know is code for “undisciplined little brat from Hell.” We see Ava screaming at the top of her lungs as Monica tells us that Ava can turn on her bad switch very easily. You know what else is easy? Turning your hand into a paddle! Then Ava grabs something and hits her big brother on top of his head with it. And they don’t do a damn thing about it!
My daughter’s awesomeness will shock you!
“I just give her whatever she wants,” Monica says, proving how she is raising a completely useless human and an absolutely unproductive member of society. Screaming and crying again, Monica continues to give us that bullshit line of how it will help Ava’s confidence and she says, “It will help her come out of her skin.” I think you mean shell, although I’m guessing someone will finally have enough of Ava’s screaming and will skin her like roadkill someday. So perhaps that is what you meant?
Her personality is really spectacular. Like we’ve never seen a spoiled brat on this show!
Monica calls Ava beautiful inside and out as we see footage of Ava punching her brother three times – the back, the stomach and the neck. And what do her parents do? Say, “Hey, why are you so mean?” and they do nothing else! I’ll tell you why she’s such a mean little bitch: because you don’t discipline her. Bet she bites too. Here’s hoping there’s an abandoned well near their home and that her brother doesn’t leave any prints on her body.
I would be the shit out of a sibling who did this to me.
Back in Houston, the three K’s (KKK? Okay, maybe not…) arrive at dress designer Michelle’s house to try on Katlyn’s new dress. Katlyn throws a fit and screams that she doesn’t want to try on her dress, so Kymberli picks her up and carries her to the bathroom to put the dress on. Hope she gives her a swirly while she’s in there.
The REAL victims of the Hostess bankruptcy debacle.
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