Back with Sienna, she’s at the “back-crackin’ “ store, otherwise known as the chiropractor. Sienna loves it. Now, I’m not really sure what a good idea it is just for little kids to go to chiropractors without an actual issue, but I am a chiro-believer. I think they do good work and I won’t lie, when they crack your back, it feels great. And they hate it when you call them “cracks.” They’re “adjustments.” And those cracks are very satisfying!
You’ll do pageants OR ELSE!
Kylie is having her hair done with an extra deep-conditioner because they tease her hair so much. You know, bullying has gotten completely out of control!
But the hairdresser keeps calling Kylie the wrong name. First it’s Kayla and they correct her. Then it’s Kayla again. Then Kaylee. Then Kayla again. Then Kaylee again. Then it’s something like Kayyyyy. Then Kaylee again. Sweet Jesus, how hard is that damn name? I mean, the stylist’s name is Zajari! I would just call her Zoo until she got my kid’s name right. Oh, and Mr. Tip? Is sooo not happening.
Maybe she can’t think straight because the circulation has been cut off to her brain by her extremely tight clothing?
Back in New Jersey, Sienna is about to get her eyebrows waxed at home. HOLY SHIT, that is going to hurt like hell and I don’t know if I trust mommy with the hot wax or the stick. Plus, that kid should be laying down, not sitting up, otherwise the wax is going to drip into her eyes!
The Cliché Monster is let loose by Laura as she tells us that Sienna has to “pick up her game a little bit” and “keep up with the Joneses.” She says she needs to put pressure on Sienna, “Because you know, she got fourth runner up.” You don’t say?
I remember fourth runner up like it was yesterday.
Then Sienna gets what I can only call Beauty Turrets because she starts just talking about how eyelashes are beautiful and lipstick is beautiful and hair is gorgeous and being pretty is fun. I wish she’s put some swear words in there somewhere to spice things up.
Trinity is practicing her routines and her older brothers are her judges, so you know this won’t end well. Trinity walks very stiffly and her mother says they don’t have a pageant coach yet (obviously) but will get one if they want to step up their glitz game. Oh, whatever.
Her one brother tells it to us straight: “A smile is important, because judges judge on her smile.” Truer words were never spoken. The other brother says that if you don’t take practicing seriously, you’ll make the same mistakes at the pageant because you didn’t take your practice seriously. It’s like they are channeling Buddha, these kids. Also, lighten up.
I concur…she sucks.
The boys give their scores and the oldest gave her 5 out of 10. What a douche. So she throws his score in the garbage. Good practice for the upcoming weekend, Trinity!
To the garbage with your bullshit scores, bros.
Pageant day in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania! Turns out Kylie and Sienna are sort of competitors, just not super-angry ones like we’ve seen before, and Kylie has kicked Sienna’s ass, albeit politely. Laura tells us that Sienna, “Has to pick up her game a little.”
Because one time, NOT at band camp, Sienna came in fourth place.
Kylie is almost finished getting her hair and makeup done and Maria says, “Mommy’s never looked this pretty before.” When did you give up, Maria, WHEN?
God, if you could let us win, that would really make me a believer.
Latrine says “they” are nervous about their first big glitz pageant and “they” didn’t get a lot of sleep, but I really think it’s just her. Trinity seems fine until her mother keeps asking about how nervous she is. Shut up about it already. I mean, I know nothing about natural pageants because hello, snore, that would be the most boring reality show ever, but aren’t the moves the same? Pretty feet, walking, “talent” ? I don’t know, maybe the natural pageants are more Amish in how plain they are.