Pageant Day! And what a fiesta it is. The emcee is adorable and wearing a tux. Let’s see how that affects Pageant Director Carla.
It’s as if George Clooney and John Hamm mated…and then needed lifts!
“Our emcee is Mr. Tony Prado and he’s handsome,” she says, as they show a picture of him and start playing porn music. “Very handsome.” Uh-huh. “He has beautiful hair, like Grecian 5,” she says. GRECIAN 5? Oh, man, Just for Men is so pissed right now!
Seriously, Grecian 5?
“And he’s always tanned. He’s straight!” she whispers that last part. “Anytime he’s ready to get down with the big girls, he just has to give me a holler,” she says. “ANYTIME.” Oh this poor guy.
I’d play his taut ass like a fine timpani drum!
“PLEASE BE MY BOYFRIEND,” Carla interviews as the camera crew laughs. Looks like it’s cleanup in aisle 5.
She like her own dream catcher, isn’t she?
So the girls are showing up and Justin is FIERCE in his circumcision hair, sombrero and off-the-shoulder ensemble from the Hoda & Kathy line of Menopausal Mode.
Natali shows up, whiter than snow, hating on life.
Production crew, STOP STALKING ME!
Alyssa shows up with tons of pep and we are informed this will be the first time she’s in the 4-year old and up age group. Draaaaa-maaaa!
And Alyssa won’t shut up! She’s the anti-Natali with makeup artist Amber, who looks like she’s got no personality or interest in humans, let alone children. I mean, if you are going to work with kids, at least nod once in a while.
Kids – can’t live with ‘em, can’t ship ‘em off to Thailand fast enough!
So here’s how it goes with Alyssa: “Guess what? I have “baracas”! I have “baracas”! Really! Did you know? I got new earrings. Purple. Guess what? I make my puppies smell good. I dreamed about scary brains and scary monkeys. Scary. I grew in mommy’s stomach when I was a baby. I told her to open her mouth so I can get out of her stomach. I get to go to Nana’s house. And guess what? Her don’t have real teeth. Mom tells me there is magic cereal. It talks. And guess what? Coco loco in blizzard.”
“It’s going to be a very long day,” AmyLeigh says. It has already been coco loco in a blizzard long.
That mouth goes for 36 hours straight without her taking ONE BREATH!
AmyLeigh does tell us she could totally school the stylist she used because what do you know? She highlighted the hairpiece and it worked. I think I’ve gone to that incompetent hairstylist before! Like last Thursday and then again on Friday for a fix-up.
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