Toddlers & Tiaras Recap: Viva La Foreskin!

127 Comments

1. 1
   ellemenop
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 7:32 pm

   dc, was starting to wonder if you were ok. or maybe you were enjoying the breastfeeding my war? either way, yay — I’m off to read!

2. 2
   Hater of Coach Nikki
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 7:35 pm

   Awesome recap! Thank you Crabby! Now let the games begin!

3. 3
   Pageant Mom
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 7:44 pm

   Haha..well dang it.. I was hoping we’d be spared. My little boy didn’t peel his face off… But thanks for not showing me! )

4. 4
   Mynameisearl
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 7:55 pm

   Great recap! I am a bit surprised that Ariana won as much as she did. Her coach
   (Amber) looks like she’d rather be watching paint dry. She’s laughing all the way to the bank I’m sure. Cute kids this week… Nothing too bad.

   I need to have drinks with yaya and justin.

   @ pageant mom, I’ve seen kids on the show do things like that before. Was he showing dimples? (I’m embarrassed I know this..) you have a cute son, btw.

5. 5
   Hater of Coach Nikki
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 7:59 pm

   I think Alyssa is beautiful. too bad she is such a little brat! The mother of the poor little girl she was being mean to should have drop kicked both Alyssa and her mother! I agree with DC. The words kick them in the crotch should not be coming out of that girls mouth! I actually thought it was funny the way Alyssa was running at the mouth. But I wasn’t on the receiving end of the babble.
   Arianna was pretty. She really shouldn’t do the eye brow thing. Creeped me out. At least she’s not explaining the fine details of carving a deer to us anymore. Thank you for that!
   Poor little Natali. So shy but cute when she finally came out of her shell. You go girl! And she CAN do it herself! Have a niece that was painfully shy when she was a kid. She won’t shut up now! So I’m hoping the same for Natali. If nothing else but to drive mother insane!
   Got a giggle out of the pageant director. She really needs a date. Feel bad for the emcee. Think he’s embarrassed? Or does he have a girlfriend now?

6. 6
   Hater of Coach Nikki
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:07 pm

   Justin! I forgot Justin! I think he rocks! He’s got the whole drag queen thing down and is good at it. Like I said in the miniCap, the hairs a little to much for me but I don’t have to wear it…thank god. He seems to be a very sincere, caring person. Sorry this is in three different sections. I’m not a pro at commenting yet. Please forgive.

7. 7
   Penny Ruxpin
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:23 pm

   Nailed it on Natali’s milky mom.

8. 8
   Chicken Lips
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:33 pm

   The only thing wrong with YaYa is that she’s a Steelers fan. I’ve yet to meet a sane one. (GO BROWNS!)

   Maybe I’m just a dumb dumb, but I thought Grecian formula made your hair black/dark, not salt and pepper. I don’t know though – I think I remember hearing discussions about how Reagan used it and I remember Reagan with black hair when he was in office. I’m in the Just for Men generation – Grecian formula was a little before my time (well, before my time where I was paying attention to men’s hair dye because 1) I don’t dye my hair and 2) I’m a girl so I have a lot more options).

   And I still want to know about Justin’s hair – why, how, what. All that stuff. Dear sweet Lord, please let him have a Google Alert set up so he can find us! I also hope one of the moms finds us, too – we haven’t had one of those in weeks.

9. 9
   Wendy
   Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:39 pm

   Eh, I don’t find the extended breastfeeding disgusting, just odd. I’m sure she eats solids too.

10. 10
    Chrismascandy
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    I have been to several NC pageants.
    The little girl Alyssa is always misbehaving. Mom has no control. Its not the first time the child has talked bad to a child, and will not be the last.

    The Ariana girl, her grandma is always blaming someone else for her child messing up.
    Never seen Natali before, but I think she mostly does naturals.
    The director is married, but is always cracking jokes. I hung out with her one night at a bar at a pageant hotel, she is hilarious!

    On the coach Amber’s facebook, she swears she was never her coach, grandma just paid her for an hour of coaching the night before the pageant. So no wonder the kid didnt know it. Blame no one but grandma on that one.

    I have met Fierce by Justin several times, and yes he has male patterned baldmess, and wears a toop over the top. He isnt a real pageant coach, just a wannbe.

    One of my favorite recaps this season!

11. 11
    Robin
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Dear Crabby,

    That was so much fun. Thanks!

    I could watch Granny again and again. She is a hoot.

    I think Natali is one of the saddest cases on T&T in a long time. Nothing to do with the BF nonsense, I just think that she isn’t inherently shy, she lights up when she does her own thing, but her mother is holding her back just as sure as if she had a leash on her.

    Actually, Natali’s Mom is pretty much a wimp herself. Almost an anomaly because say what ya will about those pagent Moms and I can come up with some adjectives that would make their hair stand up, wimp wouldn’t be one of my first choices

    Robin

12. 12
    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    @ Christmascandy. Nice info. Thanks! Meant no disrespect to the director. Like I said before, I got a giggle out of her. What’s this about Justin not being a coach? I was under the impression he was a pageant coach. He’s still funnier than heck. I give him kudos for being so entertaining.
    This show put a bad light on Amber then if she wasn’t the coach for Ariana. Could have sworn they said that Amber had been coaching Ariana for awhile but does kinda explain why her coach didn’t live closer.

13. 13
    Apple
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    Well last time Ariana was featured (I can’t believe I actually remember this), Grandma was complaining that the pageant was rigged because Amber’s kids always won. So now I guess she thinks that if she has some sort of connection with Amber it will help her win. It actually seems to have worked!

    Ariana (and all the girls for that matter) is really pretty, she just needs to stop doing that weird eyebrow thing. And she definitely shouldn’t take hair advice from justin and she will be fine.

14. 14
    Estella
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 11:39 pm

    Didn’t make it through the first page without laughing. You totally had me with the french model joke. I love that commercial!

15. 15
    Penny Ruxpin
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 2:32 am

    Ariana has always been kind of off putting, and time has not helped. I re-watched her original episode and recalled that at that point the family still held the pretense that Ariana lived with her mother. I wonder what changed, because I believe that grandma originally stated that Ariana’s mom worked quite a bit and was raising a younger son, thus Ariana spent a lot of time at grandma’s. Now grandma seems to be the primary caregiver. I’m also curious because my sister (works in child development) thought that Ariana appeared to have similar features of a child with fetal alcohol syndrome…that might explain some of the strange ticks and wide spaced facial features. Sadly I don’t think Ariana will grow out of her awkward stage for a while, if ever.

    Grandma does seem to blame a lot the failings on someone else. Rigged pageants, bad coaches, changes in routine, people not liking a dress etc. maybe her kid just isn’t right for pageants, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Ariana seems to enjoy comedy, maybe a child improv class would be more fitting?

    I wanted to give Justin props for being himself in a fairly conservative part of America, but I’m sorry, he creeps the shit out of me. Maybe it’s because I live in a fashionable part of the country, but I’ve never seen such a flamboyant semi queen have such terrible taste. I mean I grew up in San Francisco, so I’ve met quite a few beautiful flamboyant men…I see what he’s going for, but he just doesn’t get it. Kind of like grandma, I guess. I do like how much she enjoys a gay best friend though. I should probably introduce her to every boy I dated in high school.

    Anyhow, I suspect there’s a lot more going on in Ariana’s family than a former propensity do gutting Bambi.

16. 16
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 7:03 am

    Oh Crabby, how snarkelicious was this recap, I keep going back to read it, funny shit!

    Is this the season for kids named Alyssa? Seems like this is the 3r or 4th one, anyway, I wanted to kick her behind when she talked smack to that other little girl, what the hell is up with these parents not parenting? My mother would have kicked my behind and removed me from the Pageant post-haste.

    That Director was so horny for the emcee, he was easy on the eyes, but don’t think he goes for crazy bat shit ladies! What fun watching her drool over him.

    Natali without an e is just bland, poor kid looks like a frightened rabbit.

    Love nutso Great Grandma Ya Ya what a hot shit.

    Not even gonna debate the breast feeding crap, just groos, all I can say about it.

17. 17
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 7:04 am

    That’s gross, not groos.

18. 18
    ellemenop
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 7:30 am

    @ pat ledoux — hubby’s 4-year-old goddaughter is an alyssa. when we went to her baby naming hubby mentioned popular names from the ’80s must be coming back around (the girl’s parents are 31 or 32, because they went to high school with hubby), so i wonder if that’s why — parents who are currently in their early 30s having used names they liked as children.

19. 19
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:02 am

    @ellemenop, thanks for the info! Now we just need to know how the crazy names we hear on T&T happened !!

20. 20
    flalady
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:40 am

    Yes, that’s a pug on Ya-Ya’s shirt. I have two of them and love them dearly. They don’t look so good emblazoned across Ya-Ya’s chest!

21. 21
    Samantha
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:55 am

    @flalady, I have a pug too and I am involved with the local pug rescue…now I adore my pug (and others), they are a wonderful breed, however I would draw the line at that shirt. The scary part is I have seen it before on others involved in the rescue so I recognized it right away. Wonder if they’re pug owners or if that’s just another manifestation of YaYa’s dubious taste.

22. 22
    ANTM Fan
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 10:11 am

    I skipped the breastfeeding conversation in the MiniCap, but I just wanted to point that children who nurse past a year (and, really, past six months) don’t nurse exclusively–they eat solids as well, and the older they get, the more solids they eat. I’ve known a couple of kids who nursed past two, and they ate regular meals and snacks just like every other kid. According to their parents, nursing was generally once a day, sometimes even less.

    For what it’s worth, the WHO recommends breastfeeding for at least two years and the AVERAGE age of weaning worldwide is 4.2 YEARS old.
    http://nacd.org/health/protocol.php

23. 23
    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 11:04 am

    @ ANTM Fan…Please…go back and read the miniCap about the bf. Its been discussed. It’s over. That horse has been beaten to death!

    Did anyone else hear that Amber was Ariana’s normal coach or am I hearing voices again? Not understanding why they would want her to come for the just the day of the pageant. Can’t be just to have someone to blame. If Ambers pageant girls win all the time, it’s going to take more than one day to make a winner.

24. 24
    KJN
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 11:30 am

    The T&T editors seriously deserve some kind of a special Emmy for editing. That shot of Ariana, looking for all the world like a miniature psychopath in the shopping cart, while her grandmother talked about how people said she was raising a serial killer was PRICELESS! Just like the way they always manage to show someone cruising down the street on their mobility scooter just before they show a hill-jack family from a hill-jack town. I love you sooo much, T&T editors.

    I remember Ariana from her first episode and they showed that clip of her describing what she would do to any poor deer that she shot on The Soup. Kid was 4! Yikes! I loved YaYa and her George WARSHington.

    Full service gas stations…yeah, I worked at one in 1989. My boyfriend (now husband) managed a Sinclair station and not only was it full service (pump gas, check oil, refill window wash, the whole works), we didn’t have automated pumps. They had to be reset with this metal “key” thing. It was a lot of running back and forth and it sucked. The station was on a busy freeway in the Twin Cities metro area and during the day sometimes no one would come in for over an hour. Then when rush hour started, holy shit! God, I hated it. Did I mention I also suck at all those things we had to do? Well, I could pump gas (even that sucked when people had those stupid gas caps that had to be opened with a key) and ring them up, but the rest, not so much. Luckily, being a girl, a lot of people didn’t expect me to know. That might have offended some females, but it was fine by me!

25. 25
    Frizzypop
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    “I bet tonight she asks for solids and a fork! ” – make me spit water on my iPad!!

    Once again, Crabby, a great recap! You had so much to work with, how did you ever edit your post? I’m sure the original was at least 20 pages long!

    I thought Alyssa was gorgeous and should have pulled for a higher title. I also think there was more to the “you don’t look pretty in that dress” conversation. If you notice in the background the other girls mother/grandmother/whatever was sitting there laughing. I would not be laughing if some little white girl was talking trash to my little one. Just a thought, maybe there was no malice intended….

    I agree with above comment about Justin being a poorly dressed queen. His tshirts and Capri sweatpants were a little too low key for a proper queen. However, his makeup was fabulous! He reminded me of Dr. Torres from Grey’s. if he would get the foreskin removed and dress a bit nicer he would be really FIERCE!

26. 26
    ANTM Fan
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    Sorry! As I said, I avoided that conversation. I couldn’t tell if all the comments about solid food in the full recap were Crabby being her usual, delightful, snarky self or genuine misunderstanding about the situation.

27. 27
    ChinChilla
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    I don’t comment often, but I watch this show primarily for Dear Crabby’s recaps and all the comments. I only saw the second half of this episode and I was VERY confused by Justin’s hair… seriously, I thought he was sporting some sort of wacky foam facinator, like he sliced off a chunk of matress and afixed it to his forehead. So strange looking.

    Because of my schedule, my sad lack of recording implements and the fact that TLC does NOT have T&T On Demand, it will probably be a long time before I get to see this whole episode. Why, WHY don’t they have it On Demand? They have like 100 episodes of Pete Rose and his booby friend and like 1,000 of that TBoZ woman… but no T&T. So wrong. So, so wrong.

28. 28
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    Penny, I think you hit the nail on the head. I kept saying to myself that although Ariana was very pretty, she had a strange look to her. Your friend is probably right and it could be fetal alcohol syndrome. Plus she talks a little strangely and has delayed reactions to a lot of things that are said to her. I, too remember Ariana ‘s grandma complaining that the pageant was rigged for Amber’s Angels when she wore the brown dress.

    Anyone else think Natale looked like one of the kids from The Others? The ones who were never allowed to go out into sunlight? She almost seemed like an albino kid, so pale and thin and fragile. I’m thinking she does NOT receive solid food, b/c she doesn’t look very healthy. Almost like she has failure to thrive. Last thing I will say about BF…even if you do it, why the heck would you announce it on national TV where your kid will suffer from it in the form of teasing and bullying for the rest of their life????

    Is Jabba’s sister the mother of that pageant kid that had a stroke? She looks very familiar…

    I think if Amber had acknowledged even a word Alyssa said, maybe she wouldn’t have rambled on so…you would think Amber had never worked with kids before.

29. 29
    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    @tapnfeet99.. I thought the same thing when Alyssa was talking away to the lady. All she had to do was talk to the child. She was holding still! Keep her busy. Or was this another editing job that just shows Alyssa babbling on? Still think it was cute.

    Does Dear Crabby come comment with us? Or does she stand on the sideline?

30. 30
    Sam
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    oh gah. just stopped at ANTM. oh fer fuck’s sake. please, please stop WITH THE CUNTING BREASTFEEDING SHIT. I don’t give a fuck! I just came here and honestly just fucking stopped at comment whatever of ANTM branch caves’ (Belizean cave) whatever about BREASTFEEDING PEOPLE NOT BABIES AND ZEBRAS MUST EAT AT MUDSLIDES AND WHAT THE FUCK ELSE. I will get over this with a few more sips from the wine box and comment on, Jesus be real, snark on T&R which is why I come here.

    I am really quite impatient with this off-topic discourse much as meanderings usually delight me.

    You rock! is my captcha. And not ATNMs. So there.

31. 31
    Sam
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    oh hokey bejebus; it was just to make sure Crabby got what it is all about. Oh for fuck’s sake, I am going to cite Greenwich notables every fucking time a recapper here mentions, like, a time, so, like they FUCKING UNDERSTAND IT IS NOT RELATIVE.

    I think and pray to all that is plastic that all understand that all people on this site reverantly (cause you know, this site would attract just such unlike, oh, La Leche or NBC News or Ntl.Geographic) now know that breastfeeding is not only about nutrition.

    WE GET IT. THANK YOU LORD EVEN THOUGH MY SON WASWEANED DECADES AGO THAT I HAS BEEN EDUCATED.

32. 32
    Frizzypop
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    @Sam – maybe tonight should be a two straw night? Lol. I was hoping for less boob talk and more snark too. Hopefully that will be the last of it?

33. 33
    Joey
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    Hey, Sam watch the language, please.

34. 34
    KJN
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    I think Sam was within the guidelines language-wise per the rules put forth on the minicap.

35. 35
    Schadenfreude
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    DearestCrabby, not even finished reading the happily-awaited recap yet, but….

    “two round meals” !!!

    You’re priceless! Thanks for my Laugh-Of-The-Day.

36. 36
    KJN
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    That should probably say “in” the minicap.

    I have a serious question though: I didn’t breast feed my daughter, am I going to Hell? Just askin’…

    Hilarious recap as usual, DC!

37. 37
    Sam
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    Sorry Joey; pls. wrap ears before reading–spoiler for profanity lovers–sorry no hard hitting news for those here instead of CNN and no background for readers of Utne or Atlantic Monthly– OK have I covered all bases;
    I love and participate in many forums online. I understand that they generally have a topic of interest. My darn tootin’ (I am jes sayin’) interest here is anything pageant; from dyed ponies to deluded mamas (not mofos but sometimes could be) to bratty kids. And speaking of which, I was gobsmacked when Alyssa said the “you’re not pretty,” thing–I chuckled at the crotch thing and only after the true brat came out did I look back and think geez where the FUCK did she get that?
    Thanks HateNikki; I think I may need an Octoberfest stein for the wine now. Oh hell straight to the hidden tequila. Hidden to keep it all to myself.

38. 38
    Robin
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    Yeah, I get it. Some folks don’t like the direction that the conversation was taking. They didn’t like what folks were discussing in a discussion group. Especially in the mini-cap.

    They are here for the snark, after all! So instead of snarking on the subject, they tell a group of people, some who apparently wanted to discuss the subject, to shut up in no uncertain terms.

    Better yet, we are told to “take it to the forum”. While I am sure that the forum would welcome a BF Thread, some folks are under the mistaken impression that the forum is some kind of “time out” room for people that don’t agree with you. It isn’t.

    When this thread hits 100 I plan to yell BOOBIES. Because I can.

    Robin

39. 39
    WerkItSmoochy
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    I’d personally rather read Sam’s language than read about someone defending breastfeeding an almost 4 year old. I mean I know we’re supposed to be over talking about it and whatnot, but the kid is almost in kindergarten and really, people wondered why she was so shy and attached to mom? That would be why!
    Besides all that, I actually thought poor Natali was really pretty glitzed up. Interestingly, I found Alyssa to be a lot prettier natural, I didn’t feel that the glitz suited her as much. She is very cute, and her babbling was hilarious. The comments she made at that other girl not so much though. Mom needs to nip that in the bud, because before long that “attitude” won’t be cute anymore.
    Ariana…..she will always be the deer slayer to me. I was less than impressed by her drag queen coach, but then, I’m picky about my queens, and in WV that might be as good as they come.

40. 40
    Sam
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    That is so interesting WerkIt; actually I thought Alyssa was really, really pretty all glitzed up but yes, very pretty natural; I thought her babbling was cute as well. Thing is that Alyssa could be or is pretty enough that the glitz IMO wasn’t overwhelming on her like it is on so many other girls. Once I saw ugly child (but of course she had to have heard this in her home) I just couldn’t get over it and alas disliked her from there on in.

    I laughed so hard at Crabby’s recap; well, where to start–but yes, how could Justin approve that hideous orange dress?

41. 41
    Samantha
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    They breastfeed until that age in third world countries because they don’t have access to nutritious food regularly. We live in a first world country with access to plenty of food (or at least most of us do).

42. 42
    ellemenop
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    well, theoretically we could all still walk five miles each way uphill in the snow to school, with no shoes on, but we have cars and stuff.

43. 43
    crankyguy
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    I don’t come to the T&T thread for the snark. I don’t even watch T&T. I come because of the comment wars. If I see over one hundred comments in a minicap, that means a war is goin’ on, and if breastfeeding is what caused it, then I wanna see some more breastfeeding comments.

44. 44
    Chicken Lips
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    Oh, Crankyguy – are you cranky because you weren’t breastfed until the age of 7?

    For all of the people that are fed up with the breastfeeding talk, they certainly are hopping on here and talking about breastfeeding, no? Breastfeed. Breastfeed. Breastfeed. If I cared that much about not wanting to read about breastfeeding, I wouldn’t make comments about how awful people are for talking about breastfeeding, I would just talk about something else.

    Breastfeed. Whew – I think it is out of my system now!

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    Sam
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    But admit it crankyguy you like the thought of profanity too doncha? hehe; I know, this is getting so much, so silly that it’s kind of entertaining for its own sake.

46. 46
    Dear Crabby
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    No, no, I’m here…sometimes I comment, sometimes, you know, I nap.

    @ANTM – part was snark, part was I truly think that if you can chew, get off the boob. I did check out the link you sent and my guess is given how many 3rd world countries there are on our globe, breastfeeding until the age of 4 is probably more for survival than anything. Haven’t we all seen those commercial of the kids with the flies all over their faces? It’s because the flies want the milk on their faces!

    The WHO did note that in the U.S., most breastfeeding stopped at 3 months and but 2 years was what they suggested for maximum immune system boosting…either way, 3.5 years? Now it’s about the mom not letting go, not about what the kid really needs.

    As far as breastfeeding goes, I am calling it…AND…SCENE! No more boob talk, I promise! I seriously thought there would be more comments on the foreskin on Justin’s head. Or the horny pageant director who really was a hoot! She can drink with us anytime! Something tells me her purse is full of singles in case we stop by Magic Mike’s…and maybe Justin can go with us.

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    Estella
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    @DC… I swear, it’s all the kid. I’ve been lactating for eight years straight this coming month. Trust me, there’s a great big list of things I’d rather do than nurse my three year old. Scrubbing public toilets included. However I do, I feel obligated to. And while I know it was snark, children who nurse do use forks and cups at a normal age, if anything, they do it sooner. Every time I sit down to nurse, I lose time. Bottle feeding doesn’t tie up a mother’s time. Many just hand them a bottle and walk away. I can’t do that, so my kids always had more sit down snacks, etc, using spoons and open cups.

48. 48
    Frizzypop
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    Some people just don’t get the memo, Crabby, even when it’s emailed to them..SMH…

49. 49
    Chicken Lips
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    You know, Crabby, you keep talking about going out drinking with our faves, but I’ve never gotten my invitation. Y’all aren’t going without me, are you? I will be horribly crushed if that is the case.

    I just don’t even know what to say about ForeHair. If it is a toupee to cover some male pattern baldness you would think that he would ask for his money back because, and I hate to be the one to tell him this, it doesn’t match his real hair. And it looks kind of silly. He should have gone to Ted Danson’s guy – that guy had a rug for YEARS and no one even knew! That was some great faux hair!

50. 50
    Bluedog
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    One the the big advantages of being mature? or at least older is that you can make comments about men, especially younger ones and what you would like to do to them and nobody takes you seriously.

    PAGEANT DIRECTORS our dance competitions have rules about contestants being mean (bitchy) to other contestants. If you do it you are disqualified. Why don’t you try adding that to your rules?

    Dear Crabby I too wish for the days when you could tell the boys from the girls. I judged a singing competition recently and wrote on one paper. \You need to dress her up in more than jeans and a shirt if you are entering a competition\ Irate mother told me that she was a boy. How am I supposed to tell when the kid had waist length hair?

51. 51
    Sam
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    I know Frizzypop; the memo the memo from Crabby I adore you coming here in the comments oh a hundred times more than Cooch and crazed pageant moms–and yet, just like the Messiah, they do not hear, they do not listen. Indeed, they continue on the same milky sad path. but now the old testament folk will use this as ammo to continue their not-found way despite Crabby enlightenment and only tally; bit one! that another talked about not talking about the subject we dare not name.

    That’d be Justin’s hair; I just cannot get over it–I loved him so and he thought that looked good? Fuck, fuck, fuck and what the fuck?

52. 52
    Hayley
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    I was shocked that Ariana won such a big title! Her beauty was meh, and her fiesta wear was horrid. I was not expecting that at all

53. 53
    Frizzypop
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    @Sam – ummm…thank you? Lol. Not quite sure what you said! Lol. It looks like you might have found that hidden bottle of tequila! Party on!

    I do agree that Justin would be quite lovely if he fixed the hair and tweaked the wardrobe. I thought for sure he’d come on and talk to us…

54. 54
    Gracie Lou Freebush
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    Please stop discussing breastfeeding here. Just stop.

55. 55
    Robin
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    Well, since you said please and all…..

    No ;}

56. 56
    Estella
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    I can forgive the hair. I know he was trying to do something with it. Especially if it’s true about the baldness. Bald in drag, not so good. Unless, of course, Sinead O’Connor is whom they are trying to imitate. The clothes are another story. What was he thinking?

    As for the FAS theory, I’m going to go back and watch. I think that is something that would have jumped out at me, but I could have missed it.

    And the director? I think she’s a hoot, too. What good is life if you can’t have a crush or two or three?

57. 57
    Robin
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    Oh forgot to mention, I pulled up Carla Smith/T&T (she is so much fun to watch and the tacky wear just makes her more fun) Anyway, I got 2.5 million hits on her!

    I think the fact that she is so comfortable with her tackiness is what makes her popular. Kinda like a K-mart version of Dolly Parton. Dolly has always said that it costs alot to look that cheap.

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    Sam
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    haha Frizzy; now working on a chute to the Jamiacan rum; the straws weren’t long enough to vivisection from the box of wine. I had no idea that Sam Malone was bald! Justin–get ahold of Ted Danson’s wiggeur or what the fuckever you call it.

    Crabby–thank you so much for deigning to visit us! Oh God, can anyone match your way with words? Yes, you gave a directive and alas, (tip of my hat to Gracie–thank you Lord a voice a voice non-slurring so I know it wasn’t the tequila), the very FIRST fucking comment went against it.

    Anyway, on to things that matter–WTH would a drag queen outfit be either orange or kid-sized? Has Kyle from RHWOBH been auctioning off her discards? (she is about 5’2) Are mini mockups of outfits made and discriminating drag queens veto?

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    Frizzypop
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    @Gracie Lou – LOVE the moniker! Wish I had thought of it…

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    Ariel
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 11:13 pm

    When I saw Natali she immediately reminded me of another little girl I know, who has a genetic disorder that makes her small and weak. One hallmark of the mutation is actually red hair (the girl I know is a redhead with 4 blonde siblings, including her twin sister). It made me wonder if something like that could be going on with Natali.

61. 61
    SwarleyMarley
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:19 am

    I absolutely love your recaps! I actually just discovered them and now I cant stop reading. My roommate had to come in my room to see why I kept bursting out laughing.

62. 62
    rollingeyes
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:38 am

    @WerkitSmoochy…hilarious monkier! Love it!

    @Sam, I agree about not liking Alyssa after she made her comment. I’ve always said that no matter how cute a kid is, if they have a nasty personality it totally changes their appearance.

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    ellemenop
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:39 am

    @ariel — hmm, well, though she looked like her mom to a degree, I WAS wondering where the hair came from. the dad looked potentially blondish, but not red.

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    Smarlo
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:49 am

    chesticle juice!!!

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    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 6:43 am

    @ Sam…it was me that used the captcha “you rock”. Not ATMN. I can’t in good conscience let someone else take the blame. Didn’t know it was ” yours”.

    Also didn’t quite understand why I am the one that sent you straight to tequila. I couldn’t pick up on what you were saying. Guess I’m still to new to this.

    Thank you DC for coming to comment. Appreciate you saying no more talk about bf, but alas, don’t think it worked. Some won’t let go of the teat.

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    crankyguy
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Clarification needed. Did DearCrabby say only that SHE would talk no more on the wonderful topic of breastfeeding, or did she lay down the law and prohibit any more talk of it? The way I read it — as I naturally would since I am pro-breastfeeding talk — is that she would not do anymore of it herself, but said nothing about what anybody else should say.

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    Estella
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 9:56 am

    @crankyguy That’s how I read it, too. “No more boob talk, I promise!” implies that DC promises not to speak of boobs again.

    As for Natali’s red hair, I suppose it could be related to a genetic condition, but you can’t discount her parents contribution. Her mother could very easily be a carrier of the gene. There are two types of pigments in our body, one usually needs two copies of the gene for red hair for it to show, but then it will only show if they don’t carry genes for too much of the other pigment. People who have very red hair have two copies of the red, and then very little of the other. Without the red genes, they’d have light blonde hair. One copy of the red can show if they have very light blonde genes, too. So basically, her mom can totally be a carrier. Hell, she could even have two copies, but it doesn’t show because she has such dark hair. I’m certain her father is. All of my kids have brown to very dark brown hair, but two had red eyebrows when they were very young, and the third, with the darkest hair, has hair that shines off as red as mine if you catch it at the right angle. FWIW, my sibling and I are both have very red hair, but both of our parents do not- one did have strawberry blonde hair as a child. Aside from us, our two great grandmothers were redheads, as were the six half siblings of one of our grandparents. It totally pops up where you don’t expect it.

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    Classy Drunk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:24 am

    So I assume Breastfeeding is what we are yelling when we get to 100 comments right??!?!!? I just need to be in the know as I only come on T & T for the comment wars like Cranky.

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    ellemenop
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:33 am

    great … hubby and I both have red headed mothers and grandmothers. I hope I don’t have a redhead boy.

    (btw, my bro and husband — both very dark brown haired) have red beards. haha)

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    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:52 am

    Agree. Hit 100 comments and its time to yell BOOBIES! Or whatever else is in your heart!

    I read also that DC will no longer talk boob talk. Maybe we should get the controversy of foreskin going? Maybe then she’ll come back!

    As for red hair, I also am a redhead. Auburn actually. Of course with a tint of gray. Darn it! My son had darker hair but an auburn beard. He was a toe head when he was small. Funny how hair changes as you age.

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    Smarlo
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:02 am

    my youngest was born with red clown hair, now it’s platinum blonde. go figure

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    Estella
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:44 am

    @ellemenop I hoped for a curly haired redheaded girl with my ears and chin and DH’s face otherwise. I got the absolute exact opposite with my first. Poor guy is the most awkward mix of me and DH imaginable. Try not to hope too hard, lol.

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    LadyStardust
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    Re: the mini drag queen dress – I’m pretty sure I heard grandma say that she saw an adult size version online and liked it, so she emailed the guy who made it and asked if he could make a child’s size one.

    Also, as a natural redhead, I was always told it takes both parents to carry the genetic mutation to cause a redhead. In my case, I’m the only one in my huge extended family (over 100 living relatives on both sides) who has red hair. My mom’s whole family is very blonde and my dad’s family are all dark brunettes. Genes are weird.

    Wasn’t Ariana the one who had the pageant trailer (an actual mobile home they used as a sort-of closet for her pageant crap) in their back yard?

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    crankyguy
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    If anybody wants to go and put a stop to it, they are talking about kids seeing their mother’s vagina on the RHOBH recap.

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    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    http://www.tvgasm.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Hello-Titty.jpg found this on another recap. Thought appropriate .

76. 76
    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    Are we going to make it to 100 comments? It’s slowed down. I will admit I did take the time to go back and read some older recaps. You guys are hysterical! I happened upon one with a mother posting, Ali, I believe her name was, (Sorry, don’t remember which recap it was) but I was very amused at the way you all put her in her place. I had wondered how they found the families to follow in these episodes and was also pleasantly surprised to find that some of the normal people also posted. There are a few of you that just blow me away with your snarkiness and your way with the English language. I mean that in a good way! I thank you all for keeping me so entertained! The way you all stand up for each other is very warming. Just like a family. Getting mushy…so sorry.

    I would like to state that I use an iPad and the dang thing does auto correct and inserts some of the weirdest things at times. I try and proofread, but alas, at times I post before taking the time. I do talk correctly, or at least in my mind I do. I will learn with time. Lol. I have said before, that I will try my best to NOT say the quotes that have offended you in the past. “just saying”, ” you rock” (yes Sam, I remember that’s yours. Lol) ect…so can I be apart of your family? I will behave. Hmmm. Maybe?

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    crankyguy
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    @HoCN — sometimes I try to help nudge the count up. I’m a giver.

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    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    Thank you cranky. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m not not sure if its because I want to just make it to 100 or if I just want to type BOOBIES. Are you a West Coaster also? I’m thinking the East Coaster’s are eating dinner right now and will come to play later?

    Are there other good shows that can be suggested for me to watch? I’m new to all this fun and would appreciate any suggestions that can be given. Does DC recap any other shows or just T&T? I just love the way she gets to the nitty gritty.

79. 79
    CrisB83
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    Not to make anyone mad by bringing up the dead horse… I think that the only thing worse than a parent telling you all about their extended breastfeeding as if they expect you to suddenly transform from a look of disgust to a standing applause is the whole “movement” of women who decide to publicly force the sight of their boobies on the rest of us by having sit-ins and breast-feeding their 4 year old as an exhibition… Ick, ick, ICK.

80. 80
    crankyguy
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    @HoDN, I’m in the Eastern time zone, sitting in my recliner, eating fried chicken, and getting grease all over my wireless keyboard to be followed by Little Debbie crumbs. I abuse it with food droppings because it is much cheaper and easier to replace than a laptop.

81. 81
    crankyguy
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    @CrisB83, I think it is perfectly beautiful and natural for me to take a piss on the sidewalk of a downtown office tower, but unfortunately, we live in a backward and repressive society.

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    sagittariuskim
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    @CrisB83:I think you meant to say digging up the dead horse. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. I’ll go sit in the corner now.

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    CrisB83
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    I figured that, even as dead as it is, we could still ride that pony to 100…

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    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    @ cranky. Your too funny!

    @ Sagittariuskim. Get out of the corner! You never know what’s lurking there.

    @CrisB83. I don’t wanna ride THAT pony. Unless it has blue food coloring on it.

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    lovethecrazies
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    Oh, goodie, goodie, we’ve acquired a bored housewife. However did we get so lucky….

    Great recap as usual, Crabby. You never disappoint!

86. 86
    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Im assuming your speaking of me when your talking of bored housewife? Yep. Housewife. Bored? Yep. Im actually on day 3 of sitting in a hospital bed. Geez…I get slammed no matter what I say.

87. 87
    ellemenop
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    bitch, please. you already had a bored housewife. *raises hand* but i’m cool if anyone wants to hate me. especially crankyguy, because we have had a very special love/hate relationship in the past, and i do have to say he is a formidable opponent.

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    CrisB83
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    Hey, bored housewives make this world go round! If it wasn’t for is, there would be no such thing as child beauty pageants!

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    Hater of Coach Nikki
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    Not asking for sympathy about hospital stay but what the hells wrong with chiming in? I guess the “family” part was alittle premature. Excuse the outta me!

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    rollingeyes
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    *hater: Maybe we should get the controversy of foreskin going?

    THIS was awesome! I actually spit out my tea all over the keyboard!

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    lovethecrazies
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    Doing my part to up the comments. See there, already boosted it by 5…

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    Whatever
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Can no one join the “family”? Or do we have to skulk in the shadows. Been following for awhile but have never commented. AND I am a housewife.

93. 93
    Chicken Lips
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    I used to have red hair that made me look like Little Orphan Annie – especially that time Mom gave me the Ogilvie Home Perm. My dad had a red beard, my mom’s brother had a red beard, but I’m the only one that was “blessed” with a full head of red hair. It had lightened some and I looked strawberry blond, but I’m noticing that it’s starting to get darker again and more auburn. And I want to shank anyone that says, “Oh my God! I would kill for your hair color!”

    Whoa – did I ever go off the path! Must be the fiery red head demeanor.

    And just in case this ends up being magic 100 (sorry Robin!) – BOOBIES!

94. 94
    Robin
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    These last comments are a blast! Looks like we are gonna milk it for all it’s worth!

    Robin

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    CrisB83
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    Please tell me y’all have seen this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuPBbFOiygo&feature=youtube_gdata_player
    So, so FUNNY.

96. 96
    CleverUsernameToCome
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    OK, this is slightly off topic, but perhaps it will get the comments to 100. (Before I begin, I must say that I heart Dear Crabby and these recaps, but I hope that goes without saying even though I just said it.)

    Last night I dreamed I spent time hanging out with Flipit at his house where he still lived with his parents. And he was funny and awesome and dressed up like Chiquita Banana. Also, he had many dogs.

    Have any other people had dreams of TVGasm recappers?

97. 97
    sagittariuskim
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    I love red hair. I always tell my friends that if I was white I would want to be a red head. The Christina Hendricks kind though, not the creepy ginger kind.

98. 98
    Frizzypop
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    @CrisB83 – that’s awesome! Thanks for the laugh!

99. 99
    Moli
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    I’ll help the 100 mark. Welcome HoCN

100. 100
     Robin
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:43 pm

     @HoCN,

     Well, it would have been nice if you offered us some of those drugs and great Hospital Food you are getting! We would share with you!

     Robin

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     S-Natch
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:47 pm

     99

102. 102
     S-Natch
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:47 pm

     BOOBIES!!! COCK!!!! SWISS CAKE ROLLS!!!

103. 103
     Robin
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:48 pm

     BOOBIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

104. 104
     Hater of Coach Nikki
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:53 pm

     BOOBIES!

105. 105
     Hater of Coach Nikki
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 6:06 pm

     You don’t want the nasty ass food here. The drugs are pretty awesome but you’ll have to come to me. The nurse, who which reminds me of Kathy Bates (shutter as I’m laying here) wont let me go! The cow! I got in trouble for yelling boobies! She just didn’t understand.

106. 106
     Sam
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 6:38 pm

     snatch you didn’t warn self=appointed tit (gah, a life even more boring than mine to want to monitor and scold on these forums but what the cunting hell eh) Joey that there might be fucking bad language.

107. 107
     S-Natch
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 6:45 pm

     @Sam – sorry – I didn’t mean to say “Swiss Cake Rolls” in public – just kinda slipped out!

108. 108
     Gracie Lou Freebush
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:23 pm

     Boobies!! Vagina vagina vagina!!! VAAAAAGINA!!!

109. 109
     EmWynn
     Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:24 pm

     I loved Pageant Director Carla! She’s right up there with the Awesome Annette Hill in my book!

     Thanks for the as-always hilarious recap, Dear Crabby!

     That is all.

110. 110
     Dear Crabby
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 5:46 am

     @Hater of Coach Nikki – we’re all family! We put the fun in dysfunctional family for sure! Please come play anytime and get well soon!

     @CleverUsernameToCome – hee, Flipit as a banana. Awesome!

111. 111
     Whatever
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 7:51 am

     Thank you for the welcome and well wishes DC.

     Goodie, goodie, this bored housewife gets to go home today and just in time for T&T tonight! Yippee! Can’t wait to read the recaps. And irritate lovethecrazies with my comments. Hehehe. Wine and little debs are on me!

112. 112
     Hater of Coach Nikki
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 9:18 am

     Hmmm. My name changed to whatever. That’s what I get for messing with my profile

113. 113
     KJN
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 9:19 am

     @HoCN/Whatevs I’m a bored housewife, too. I lost my job of ten years a few years ago and somehow haven’t gotten around to getting another one (tho I’m sure I will someday, when I figure out what I want to be when I grow up) and then my only child left for college. So by default I am now a housewife again. We can form our own desperate housewives groups. I know there’s a few more around if they want in.

114. 114
     Hater of Coach Nikki
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 9:23 am

     @KJN. Sounds like good plan to me. Sorry about your job. But when you do figure out what your going to be, please let me know. I’ve a few things I want to be and maybe I could add that to my list.

115. 115
     KJN
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 9:33 am

     Hmmm…maybe an astronaut, a veterinarian, a superstar, wait…that’s Barbie. I literally have NO idea as of now. I know I don’t ever want anything to do with water conditioning ever again, I’ll tell you that much!

116. 116
     Whatever
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 9:47 am

     Barbie is a fine job. The veterinarian job sucks. Trust me. (Well, vet assistant) Hard to see what has happened to the animals. Some people should be banned from having them! I could tell you horror stories. But won’t. I’m finding being a commentor is rather fun. At the top of my list right now.

117. 117
     KJN
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 10:01 am

     I have a hard time just going into the vet’s office. Twice I’ve seen things in there that have stayed with me and made me feel awful. I always dreaded the day I would have to go and put down one of my pets. Then it did when my cat was 18. I had her my entire married life. The vet was so kind, but it was horrible. I give all the vets and techs major props cause I could NEVER in a million years do that job. My dog is 11 now and I wish I could turn back the clock and make her the little puppy she was in my avatar.

     I’m glad you’re finding something to entertain yourself with. Being in a hospital bed must suck really hard, lol. At least there’s a new T&T on tonight. Yay!

118. 118
     lovethecrazies
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 11:26 am

     @whatever – good for you. I don’t know why you are so concerned over what I think about you or your comments. I really don’t give two shits what you think or do, but thanks for worrying so much about me.

     Whatever is a good name for you.

119. 119
     Hater of Coach Nikki
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 12:58 pm

     @ LTC. I really don’t give a rats ass what you think of me. Your a nasty, snotty little bitch and obviously I irritate you. As you’ve proven by all your snide comments. Oh well.. I’m sure Ill get over it. Will you? I’m glad there are some nice people that are in here.

120. 120
     Parisi LaRoe
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 1:15 pm

     I don’t normally comment on T&T except to see if there are comment wars because they always make me giggle. However, I haven’t exactly “latched on” to whatever the conversation about breastfeeding has been on this whole time. It must run in the family. My son never did and neither do I. However, my ex-husband at 33 years old still seems to be latched on to his mom.

     There goes the vomit I have been trying to hold in for 3 days just spew out of my mouth since I am sick.

121. 121
     Parisi LaRoe
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 1:19 pm

     And in the whole boobies thing…….

     I HATE THERESA!!

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     ellemenop
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 1:19 pm

     bewbZ

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     Frizzypop
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 2:18 pm

     @ Parisian LaRoe – you crack me up! I think there may be many, many ex’s out there that bf too long…they talk about men hanging on to the apron strings too long, maybe it’s really the boob? Lol

     @ Hater – not sure why you are engaging lovethecrazies, didn’t see anywhere where they called you out. There are lots of housewives on here, I’m one too, but I didn’t take offense. Some of these guys (crankyguy, this ones for you with lots of love and admiration!) just come on to stir things up. When there isn’t a pageant mom going batshit crazy it gets boring so they do what they can to entertain.

     @ellemenop – my favorite spelling yet. My creative hats off to you.

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     Hater of Coach Nikki
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 2:33 pm

     Your right Frizzie. The comment about the bored housewife (and another snide remark) got to me and I shouldn’t have let it. I guess being bored is getting to me.

     Lovethecrazies- I applogize.

125. 125
     Parisi LaRoe
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 3:44 pm

     Where are all the psycho mom’s and Coach Cooch????

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     crockpot
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 3:51 pm

     I want to be Angelina Jolie Pitt when I grow up. Love me some Brad !!!!! He can have my BOOBIE anytime he wants.

     Love your recaps DC.

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     Hater of Coach Nikki
     Posted January 30, 2013 at 4:12 pm

     Coach Cooch would be awesome! Saw she came in before and just LOVED all the comments.