And finally, in Corbin, Kentucky, we meet Emma, 8, who is known for her “Emmatude,” which as we will find out means she’s just a bitch-ass brat. Mom Vikki says no one wins against her. I bet Miss Manners would.
Emmatude is very shocking, even to Emma herself.
Vikki is also sporting some serious 80s hair – perm in back, big bangs in front. I miss big bangs. She might also consider a ShamBrow™ as those things are getting out of control. Vikki is practicing with Emma and announces her as contestant number 1, and Emma throws a fit because she doesn’t like number one. Trust me, being number one is never going to be a problem for you when you grow up.
I won’t lie, I’m kind of scared of Emma.
Vikki tells us she swore she’d never but her daughter in pageants, but last year Emma really wanted to be in one, so she relented because God forbid parents of today should tell their kids NO about anything. Jesus!
“Emma’s very bubbly and energetic,” Vikki interviews, “but she wants to watch TV all the time instead of practice.” First of all, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WATCHING TV ALL THE TIME. Ahem. Second, yeah, you might want to get her into sports because kid is sporting a gut that would rival mine right now.
Come on, mom, I already have the gut to go with all that TV watching!
Emma admits to us she only practices maybe once a month. Hope that doesn’t catch up to you, Gen Lazy. Now go eat something sweet and make the need to practice go away.
Ava is having her picture taken at a little table set up for a tea party. She looks adorable as Jessica tells us she’s entered natural photos for Emma’s photo category and won. Jessica says she’s a very competitive pageant mom, then makes a cat noise and says, “My claws come out!” Mine do too, mostly when I’m behind the wheel of my car.
I may have to give up my love of tiaras for this Headpiece of Heaven™.
Ava goes to take a bite of a donut then says it’s hot. No it’s not! But if you aren’t going to eat it, can you pass it my way? Wipe that baby spit off of it first.
Don’t waste that donut, dammit, I don’t care how hot you think it is.
Jessica says she really gets her feelings hurt if Ava loses to some fugly girl, but not to ones that are as cute or cuter than Ava. Jessica says “I’m like, ‘WHAT THE CRAP? You’re kidding me?!?!?! Gah. GAAAAH!” That was hilarious and at least a mom admits to hating it when fugly kids win. Heh.
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