Toddlers & Tiaras: Who Let D-Bag Dad with Teenie Weenie Out of the Bottle?

118 Comments

1. 1
   ANTM Fan
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 5:44 pm

   DearCrabby, thank you for a priceless recap and for putting into words my rage against Kylee’s horrible father.

   My favorite line, though, was this: “I also can’t believe I just had to look up the plural form of baby daddy. We’ve come a long way since 9th grade vocab, haven’t we?”

2. 2
   Madelyne27
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

   Lurch reminded me of the old joke: “a horse walks into a bar and then bartender says, why the long face?”

   Frank Marino was on an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker. Poor Patty did her best, but he picked the jail bait date and it didn’t work out.

   Douchebag Dad was priceless, I couldn’t stop pausing the TV and taking pics to send to my friend.

   Awesome recap, as always.

3. 3
   kiki
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

   did anyone else notice that one of the twins had a mini louis vuitton purse?

4. 4
   StageMom
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 5:56 pm

   Kylees fan page
   https://www.facebook.com/kyleemizrahi

5. 5
   FrizzyPop
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 5:58 pm

   Crabby, best recap ever. I knew when watching this epi that you had more than enough material for the recap. I actually watch the show now and think about what you will say about each little thing. I love the way your mind works, you are the best!

6. 6
   Penny Ruxpin
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:01 pm

   @dear crabby. They are called ‘hip shelves’ , they are a prerequisite for banging Penny Ruxpin.

7. 7
   Chicken Lips
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:12 pm

   Great recap! Loved the judges – we need “Cher” at every pageant Brittany along, too. They can keep that dullard Lady Gaga at home because she didn’t bring it.

   I had forgotten about Aunt Floozy – who doesn’t need an Aunt Floozy? The first thing she offered the kid was a martini – I need an Aunt Floozy in my life!

8. 8
   Jane and Blanche
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:23 pm

   “Let’s hope she didn’t just do the Terry Schiavo act!!!!!” OMG! fell on the floor laughing!!!!!!!!!! great recap!

9. 9
   c8h10n4o2
   Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:34 pm

   Amazing. I’m so glad that you’re recapping this, because just reading about these people makes me feel like I have scabies. If I actually watched this episode, I’d have probably already clawed off half of my skin from the heebie-jeebies.

   I’d suggest neutering douche-dad, but I suspect that it’s not much of an issue (pun intended).

10. 10
    cattyfan
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    “Noni is wearing a denim shirt that she has tied above her waist, her skirt is a few inches lower but instead of a muffin top, she gives us creepy old lady suntan pantyhose top.”

    I’m only to this point and paughing so hard I have to take a break.

    DC…you’re brilliant.

11. 11
    Sam
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Hi Crabby, long-time reader, first-time poster here! I just wanted to say that I’m pretty sure Lurch & Co. owned the pink Hummer limo. If you watch carefully during that scene, they very briefly show the back where the twins’ pageant photos are airbrushed onto the car. I had to rewind to look at it again it was so fast (and also because I couldn’t believe it!)
    Douchebag Dad was un-frickin-believable. There are no words. I wish the producers had asked him about those shirts. It was SO bad, I almost wondered if he lost a bet with someone and had to wear them on camera. Otherwise I cannot believe that such a loser exists in the world.

12. 12
    StageMom
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Great recap. So much crazy in this episode. Crazy is what gets ratings. Crazy is a baby dressed like a playboy bunny carried out by dad, dressed to look like Hugh Heffner. There’s a major daddy issue waiting to happen.

    Georgina was stretched way too thin, especially since Kayla was there. Elizabeth deserved a lot better. The fall looked like crap, and when you figure out what the moms are paying her for coaching along with h&m, you would expect the fall to be attached correctly. That’s just too many girls in the same age group. I would be pretty pissed if I was the one paying for that.

    My google and Facebook stalking has left me feeling very let down by T&T. The hot blond who told Kylee if she couldn’t do the leg lift, they should go home, that would be her mother. It appears that her mother is right there, but having the dad there in douchebag tshirts must be a better story. When he’s not wearing a douchebag t-shirt he even looks like a good dad, as much as you can look like a good dad on your daughters pageant fan page. Oh T&T why do you play with me like this?

13. 13
    Brianna Quinn
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Ahhh…but do take a look at douche bag dad’s Facebook page. More examples of him wearing his signature I hate women t-shirts.

14. 14
    Jazzy
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    @Stagemom – I was wondering who that random blonde was. I wonder if they’re divorced and just both go to the pageants or was it all made up? My theory on the t-shirts is that probably he kept the hoodie zipped during the pageant except when the cameras were on him. Otherwise I’m sure people would have complained.

    @DC – LOVED the recap!! I didn’t get “mean girl” from Elizabeth either. I thought she was cute. “Best personality” is kind of a weird title to give considering that there’s no interview part, isn’t it? I dunno. And yeah, I think all the routines look alike too. Prancing around with some gymnastics moves and usually a split. Their costumes were totally different so i doubt anyone noticed similarities.

15. 15
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    New Money Lurch, oh Crabby, you are truly a gem. When I can stop laughing, I’ll be back to snark.

16. 16
    cattyfan
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    The “Lady Gaga” drag queen (isn’t that redundant?) looks more like Young Madonna in her facial features.

17. 17
    cattyfan
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    The “this year’s Christmas card” is sad…because behind the girl, it says “Nada.”

18. 18
    Detinha
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Forgive my stupidity, but I don’t get the “Terry Schiavo” reference (I know about the Terry Schiavo case, but I didn’t get the relation to Kylee and DaD). Can someone set me straight, please?

    I LOVE to read these recaps, but I think all these girls become ugly with all the make up, hair and fake teeth!

19. 19
    StageMom
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    @jazzy thanks a lot, I went looking at his pictures and now I feel like I need a shower. At least he keeps his pictures with his kids separate from his party pictures. After looking through his party album I can only assume he is using his t-shirts to compensate for his many shortcomings.

    At least he was wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt in the picture with his girls.

20. 20
    cattyfan
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Terry Schiavo ended up in a vegetative (or semi-vegetative, depending on which doctors you believe) state after a head injury. Falling off the stage could have caused a serious head injury…hence the reference.

21. 21
    Veruca
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Douchedad made a lot of his money from very savvy business moves. Bought the website vegas.com and vegas.net when the internet was still in its infancy— along with a bunch of other high profile names. Owns the company that provides 60% of all internet service to Las Vegas. The man is definitely swimming in money.

22. 22
    Jazzy
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    @Stagemom – I think you meant to thank Brianna Quinn! She mentioned his page. I wouldn’t be able to stomach looking at him.

    @Veruca – so is divorced? If so, does he have custody?

23. 23
    Detinha
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    @cattyfan, thank you! Now it makes sense, but I do remember reading that Terri Schiavo ended up in coma because of bulimia.

24. 24
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Crabby, if I wore a hat it would be off to you. Truly the best recap ever! I think I will be laughing into next week, maybe even the week after.

    Douchebag Dad couldn’t be any more gay if his name was Gay Gayerson (Thanks to the awesome Roseanne for that one!) I wanted to bitch slap him to the next century. however, I might do him and his little dick so I could spend his money.

    I thought Elizabeth and Kylee were adorable until they were made up for the pageant. They looked like Stepford girls, no wonder Melty face was pissed.

    Crabby, if you ever come to Massachusetts, I will bow down to the Queen and make you a pot roast dinner so sinfully good you will want to live with me and Mr Ledoux.

    Thank you for making my weekend with your glorious snark.

25. 25
    miz
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    @stagemom: It was a “hello titty” shirt. kitty’s head was made to look like boobs. (I just googled it). Great role model for his daughters eh?

26. 26
    cattyfan
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Detinha…I think the deal was she was bulimic, collapsed, and hit her head. My memory is a little hazy on how she ended up in her situation. What I remember more is the hideous fight to pull her feeding tube and let her die. Her husband (who had vowed to love her until death they did part) wanted to be rid of her so he could marry his new girlfriend, so regardless of Terry’s seeming responses to stimuli, he went to court to end her life. But the doctors were so unsure of whether or not she could feel things that as she was dying, they gave her heavy pain meds, played soothing music in her room, and tucked a stuffed animal under her arm. If they were that iffy on things, they should not have pulled the tube. And on her death certificate, the cause was listed as starvation/dehydration. To me, that’s cruel.

    Not that I’ve dwelled on this over the years…

27. 27
    StageMom
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    It appears that he was married in 2003 then she filed for divorce in 2004 and they had the older daughter. I didn’t find any other marriage/divorce records at the county recorders office so it seems that he was not married to Kylees mom.

    I think the hummer had to be rented and the girls pictures stuck on. The house was rented for filming, they brought trophies and sashes up with them. There’s no way the girls couple have done 150 pageants, they are only 3 and it doesn’t appear that they’ve done more than 5 in the last year or two. The math just doesn’t add up. I can’t stand the people who go on this show and lie, like the mom a couple episodes back who was talking about buying 10 dresses and saying they were $1000 each when they were $75 dresses from china lol. Why do that?

28. 28
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    I read the entire recap – which was wonderful – but cannot get the screencap on page 7 out of my mind.

    Seriously, your daughter in a Playboy Bunny Suit and Daddy in a Hugh Hefner robe? That is so beyond gross and disgusting and disturbing… I feel physically ILL at the thought. *UGH*

    (But, great recap!)

29. 29
    StageMom
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    @miz I must need glasses. I don’t even want to go look again, I’m taking your word. Now that’s pretty disgusting. Here I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I won’t do that again.

30. 30
    michkabibbles
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Seriously, your daughter in a Playboy Bunny Suit and Daddy in a Hugh Hefner robe? That is so beyond gross and disgusting and disturbing
    @mummy butterfly-my thoughts exactly. someone commented in the minicap (sorry don’t remember who exactly), that hefner dad is also the dad of chippendale buddy from page one of the recap (and evidently he has a delightful sense of humor!). the whole thing was vomitorius.

    also, i believe the scientific term dearcrabby was looking for this entire recap is ‘micropenis’-it’s a recognized medical condition!

31. 31
    Joey
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    I thought that the one judge was introduced as Madonna, not Lady GaGa, but I could be wrong.

32. 32
    BedHeadJen
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Was Frank Marino supposed to be Rio from Jem and the Holograms?

    Thank you DC. Your fucking fabness brings me more joy than an audience member at a taping of Oprah’s Favorite Things. XOXO

33. 33
    Crabbyfan
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Great recap! I would have laughed more if I hadn’t been so busy getting sick at every picture posted! Between melting face, lurch and t-shirts its kind of hard not to get an upset stomach.

    2 blondes, 1 to go. Anyone know who the other blonde beside the coach and mom was? Mom #1, mom #2? Stripper?

34. 34
    Pageant Pro
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    Fabulous recap as always DC!

    As I was watching this episode and all the money being thrown in our face, I couldn’t help but wonder why in the heck Seabiscuit, Douche bag, and Noni didn’t fly in via airplane/helicopter a professional coach and hair/make-up artist???? Although the judge commented that Kylee was so poised, her performance level was borderline average for her age. Elizabeth was a mess and the twins need a new hobby. Personality generally equates to only 20-25% of the score so that will only carry you so far.

    As far as Elizabeth aka “mean girl” — I was at a pageant she attended and witnessed her pushing a little girl down the stage stairs during rehearsal for the opening number. It just so happened that the little girl that fell down was Elizabeth’s biggest competition in her age group. Accident or coincidence? My first thought was that it was an accident because they were hurrying to exit the stage but after seeing her behavior throughout the weekend, I was convinced she was not a nice child. I missed the comment about the “mean vibe” but whoever caught it was spot on!

    T&T makes me laugh and it is the perfect example of “what not to do” at a pageant! lol Comedy gold from episode to episode with so much snark value! Thanks DC!!

35. 35
    Stephanie
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Can someone post a link to douchebag dad’s Facebook page? I can’t find it…

36. 36
    kay reid
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    I didn’t notice that d-bag dad had that many misogynistic t-shirts. What an asshole.

    Great recap DC! It was gloriously long and hilarious.

    The judges in this episode were wonderful. Dear Pagents, please only use drag queens for judges from now on. Sincerely Me.

37. 37
    kay reid
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    And of course Kayla won( its unfortunate that child and I share the same name :/ ) she must have good stage presence.

    I feel for Kayla- poor kid is denied food when practicing! No wonder she wins. Mum probably won’t feed her till she supremes XD

    I kid. (kinda).

    Eeeeeeew to the playboy outfit. Pagents bring out the best in these parents. Clearly.

    That outfit deserves another ewwwwe and a *shudder*.

    Just no, pagent parents! No no no no no.

38. 38
    Detinha
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    Thanks, cattyfan! Now I remember it better! Her husband gave me a bad vibe! But I also remember when the Government got involved and I was terrified! The last thing we need is for they to decide when we should live or die!

    In another note, is DaD related to the designer Issac Mizhani? Is the same last name, isn’t?

39. 39
    Penny Ruxpin
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 12:18 am

    I think the designers name is Mizrahi..

40. 40
    StageMom
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 12:32 am

    @pagesnt pro I thought the twins had been strutters. I don’t remember why maybe I saw them on a strut banner. Then the mom posts pics of them at winning wand. If they are strutters why not have Cambrie do h&m since she’s in Vegas. This was more of a winning wand pageant I guess. In that the majority of contestants were from one coaching team.

41. 41
    GasmFood
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 4:47 am

    cattyfan, your recap of the Terri Schiavo case is overly-simplistic at best, and inaccurate at worst. Perhaps you should refresh your memory before making snap judgments on Michael Schiavo until you have been faced with eight years (and the huge costs) of your spouse being in a persistent vegetative state. The man didn’t run out and get a girlfriend within two weeks of his wife’s accident, and I highly doubt that it was easy for him to sign over the order to be “rid of her”.

    That being said, great recap Crabby!

42. 42
    snowshoecat
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 5:50 am

    @PPro, thank you, I guess, for backing up my comment about Elizabeth’s having a mean girl vibe. Everybody contradicted me, so I figured I had misread the cues and that I was wrong (as I so often am).

    That said, I am so sorry to hear that she just might be mean enough to “accidentally” knock somebody down some stairs. I figure when she has a major influence in her life like Noni throwing money at her and telling her how perfect she is, she will eventually buy (pun intended) into it and turn out to be a mean girl.

    Rich kids do not have to be mean, and most aren’t. But the ones we saw on this show, twins def included, have all the ingredients for it. Intervention by someone smart and loving needed ASAP!

43. 43
    whoochile
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 6:29 am

    You know I have a thing about eyebrows! Please makeup people, please, if a girl is blond, tan and heavily made up, please pencil in some eyebrows! Kayla and maybe Elizabeth (?) could have benefitted from a little eyebrow penciling.

    Also, not buying that buddy the boy is really a boy. I want some genetic testing, end of story.

44. 44
    Closet Fan
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:02 am

    I am sorry if this has been covered… I have not read the recap, comments or watched the episode. I am stuck on the pic of the “boy”. I have been staring at it and I really can’t figure it out. Either way, where is social services when you need them?

45. 45
    cattyfan
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:02 am

    GasmFood…It’s impossible to boil such a complex case down to a short paragraph. But I wrote a six page news article on the case after her death, so I am pretty familiar with what happened during her starvation.

    Good ol’ Michael didn’t remember Terri’s end-of-life wishes until years after Terri had lain in a bed for years…coincidentally he recovered these startling memories right after he got his new girlfriend.

    The details on how they handled removing her feeding tube and “keeping her comfortable” came from the statement made from Michael’s own lawyer. I stand by my statement that if they were so certain she could not feel anything, they would not have given her pain meds and played soothing music…and if they had doubts, they should not have removed the feeding tube.

46. 46
    Lizbot
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Ugh! I don’t watch this show at all (I absolutely refuse to), but I do come by to read the recaps every once in a while. The best of these parents seem simply misguided, but this episode seems to have highlighted some of the worst of them.

    As for the twins, the problem is not with the children — they’re 3 years old, for chrissakes, and they’re acting what 3 year olds would act like if they were put through this kind of torment. The problem is with their pathetic hag mother and lame, unprotective father who actively participates in said hag’s torture of his daughters. I read on another thread that Child Protection Services was investigating Honey Boo Boo’s mother for giving her an energy drink? Again, that family seems misguided, and there seems to be much bigger fish to fry on this show. They should really start treating TNT like the child maltreatment version of To Catch A Predator — especially as these moms and dad’s are basically creating fodder for said predator crowd. (A Playboy Bunny outfit on a 3 year old? Really? While dad wears a playboy robe? Ugh.) Those pics aren’t an ad for birth control, they’re a plug for forced sterilization of douchebags.

    Ok, rant ended…

47. 47
    Veruca
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 8:43 am

    From what I can gather from the internet resources I have available… DoucheDad is a weekend warrior dad, and quite a good one. He is big on the LV party scene, but not when he has his girls (plural, there is another daughter who is 2 or 3 years older) Now, I could be wrong, because often times party boys meet party girls who are just as, if not more, wreckless and irresponsible…. but all signs point to him being a weekend dad.

48. 48
    Zedd
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Jazzy – I thought the same thing. I thought he was wearing his hoodie so he could zip it up when the cameras weren’t on him and then he’d unzip to show off his shirts. Not to mention why did he wardrobe change? The beginning of the pageant it was the lesbians shirt and then at the end of it it was the stripper shirt. Maybe it was a two day pageant or maybe he was just trying to get in as many shirts as he could!

49. 49
    Lizbot
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

    “DoucheDad is a weekend warrior dad, and quite a good one.” – I guess that all depends on your definition of being a good dad.

50. 50
    Clair
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Not buying “Buddy the boy” either. Her hair is down to her waist, for christsake! AND there was an audible audience gasp of shock when she ripped off her shirt.

    The flipper makers need to tone down the Paula Deen whiteness. It’s blinding!

51. 51
    2muchbravo
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

    I definitely got the feeling that Elizabeth thought very highly of herself. It’s one thing to have good self esteem but she was teetering on snotty. She is a very pretty little girl but her personality turned me off. I was glad to see that Kylie beat her especially after coming back from her fall.

52. 52
    snowshoecat
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:47 am

    This epi just made your recap way too easy for you CrabbyDear. Many more like these and you’ll lose your edge.

    Nah.

53. 53
    GasmFood
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:48 am

    I’m sorry cattyfan, but it’s impossible to boil such a complex case down to a six page artic— wait, SIX WHOLE PAGES you say? My apologies, I didn’t realize you were the resident expert on PSV patients, I bow to your extensive knowledge and research, that surely beats out all those people who wrote BOOKS about it, or the doctors who worked for years on Terri trying experimental treatments, treatments that were pursued by HER HUSBAND. Your incredible six-page expertness aside, my point is that unless you’ve been faced with a similar situation and have had to deal with a bunch of other people trying to tell you how to handle business that is LEGALLY YOURS TO HANDLE, well… ah hell, I shouldn’t have to say it would be smarter (and kinder) to not talk about what you don’t really know, but that would defeat the purpose of internet commenting…

    BTW, Crabby, great recap!

54. 54
    Schadenfreude
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    The first facelift I ever saw as bad as Patty’s (Noni’s) was Mary Tyler Moore’s. Here at Haus Schadenfreude, we call that a “Maunkey Lady.” After MTM, Carol Burnett also became a Maunkey Lady. It would appear their plastic surgeon is alive, well and still churning out Maunkey Ladies on his assembly line.

    @Dear Crabby: I had the same take on Douchebag Dad’s braggadocio regarding his daily two hours of sleep. IF he can actually manage that, there are chemicals involved, and I don’t mean caffeine. Another reason to worry about Kylee….sigh.

    And for corn sakes, Georgina, the accessory that accompanies a crown of royalty is called a SCEPTER (sceptre for our Canadian friends), NOT a wand! Please rename your dubious business immediately to Scamming Scepters!

55. 55
    Glitzy
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Elizabeth looked like a cross between a monkey and a piglet. I’m just saying.

    The girls had similar routines because let’s face it… there are only so many moves they can perform.

    Nothing really bothers me about this show because we’ve just about seen it all. If you watch it though and your panties get all bunched up, it might be time to change the channel.

    Oink!

56. 56
    ellemenop
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    damn it, i’ve been busy casing out fauxgeant locations in atlantic city and couldn’t get to read this until many, many comments had already been posted.

    so, douchebag dad’s first t-shirt was the t-shirt to end all t-shirts … until his next t-shirt appeared … and that one was beaten by the following … and so on. i also have to wonder if he includes his kid in this “we” statement regarding nightclubs. maybe he has single moms he’s creating babysit her while he par-tays. i wouldn’t put it past him. douchey is as douchey does. i enjoyed that he felt the need to have MORE COSTUME CHANGES THAN THE DRAG QUEENS NORMALLY WOULD just to prove what a fine collection he has.

    why do people get plastic surgery to the point that they look like melted wax? i really don’t understand it. i saw a total noni at the supermarket yesterday and my husband and i were cracking up when we saw her. also, $80-$100k on her pageants? yeah, maybe if she’s done, like 10 of them. there’s no way that’s all that’s been spent.

    i am with everyone else who wants drag queens to judge every week … how can you go back to office supply store creeper & EYE CONTACT judge after this?!

    truly GENIUS recap, crabby. i salute you! and now, to read the comments, which will be a treat on their own, i know.

57. 57
    joye
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Well, Dear Crabby…I’m in awe. When the nominations for Recap Oscars come out, this is the one that will shine for you. I can’t pick a favorite line, but am partial to “Luckily, we don’t see any cuts or bruises on her face – a head injury really would not have been funny and making fun of it would have been bad. I would have done it, but still…rude.” Don’t you wish you could be around to hear Noni’s next conversation with Georgina? Her face couldn’t manage indignation, but you could hear it lurking (that’s “lurk” and not “lurch”) in her voice.

58. 58
    kthxbai
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I’m still part way through. I’ll read the rest of it when I can quit laughing enough to get the Kleenex out of my eyes.

    And praying. Oh please baby Usual Suspects. Send everybody that’s been throwing a hissy fit about kids drinking sweet tea to come read this. And then send them to their rooms. To think about what they’ve done. While they write their thank you DearCrabby letter.

59. 59
    Lenoru
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    So where did the twins’ nanny, Garth, go?

60. 60
    ellemenop
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    @stagemom (4) — i really want to go to kylee’s fan page & post how big a douche her dad is, but then, she can probably read & i’m sure she doesn’t need additional reminders. poor girl.

    @cattyfan (17) — it says “vada,” as in the end of “nevada,” but i guess it would be fitting.

    @detinha (38) — mizrahi refers to a jew from “the east,” like how sephardic jews are spanish & mediterranean, and ashkenazi jews are european, so they’re definitely not necessarily related (source: i’m jewish). however, if this makes douchebag dad jewish, i want him kicked out of judaism.

    @whoochile (43) — omg, that’s a good point. i thought part of what makes kayla so icky looking is her huuuuge forehead, but her lack of (visible) eyebrows definitely makes it look even bigger & more unattractive.

    @lizbot (49) — a “weekend warrior” is someone who parties super hard … so i think they were referring to him being good at partying, not at being a dad.

61. 61
    Detinha
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    @ellemenop, thank you! From what I read online he owns companies involved in the porn industry (I made a post with a link, but it’s gone). If you google his name, Marty Mizrahi, you’ll find even his own website with a picture of him from when he had a full head of hair! That guy is icky!

62. 62
    kthxbai
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Is this Tammy?

63. 63
    MarianMoney
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 3:55 am

    The funky faces Elizabeth was making during line up made her look like a French pig routing for truffles. Noni must have cashed in her fake facial parts discount coupon to purchase this.

64. 64
    ZipLock
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Craziest episode and funniest recap ever. So much nuttiness it almost seemed like fiction. I am hoping and praying that D-Bag Dad sees this and it finally hits him that, duh, those are NOT appropriate expressions toward women to wear around his daughter. What a fucking idiot. If I had been at that pageant (which would not happen in a zillion, trillion years) I would have told him so.

    Save Kylee!

    Also, wanted to weigh in on the minicap discussion about where Lurch’s hubby gets his money. There’s an ophthalmologist who lives in our town and he mostly does cataract and LASIK surgery. The LASIK has enabled him to build a house the size of Caesars Palace. Not exaggerating, either.

65. 65
    Tx gal
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Hizzy Royal Glitzy How Highness Crabby and fellow Duchasses of Glittery Snark,

    After the thread on the minicamp about the importance of proper address I hope I got it right.
    Awesome Recap!
    LOL – “he felt the need to have MORE COSTUME CHANGES THAN THE DRAG QUEENS NORMALLY WOULD”.
    I also got the mean girl vibe from Elizabeth. I think she said “I’m spoiled, which means I get everything I want. And, others don’t.” The one upmanship of the last sentence crossed over into bitchiness for me. She seems like a sweet girl who is being coached to be a mean girl. Hopefully her parents step in and put a stop to it because she’s got a great sense of fun and silliness to her.
    On another note, I recently heard a comic say that glitter is the herpes of the craft world because once you touch glitter it spreads and you can’t get it off. Every time one of you uses “glittertard” (which I love BTW) I can’t help laughing because I think that poor kid has a bad case of the glitter herps.

66. 66
    rebecca pressley
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 7:29 am

    I didnt have time to read thru all the comments, so sorry if this has been said already….but exactly how does Gay Daddy create single moms??? is he saying that women would leave their husbands for him??

67. 67
    timgunnssister
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Clearly douchebagdad wrote his own Wiki page. He makes my skin crawl but hey, there’s obviously money to be made if you’re douchey enough.

68. 68
    ellemenop
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    @rebecca pressley (66): that appears to be the shirt’s implication, yes. unless he also likes to shove men out of his life, like his “problem solved” t-shirt indicates for women.

69. 69
    FrizzyPop
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 9:04 am

    @rebecca pressley & ellemenop – I took the creating single moms shirt as he would happily knock them up and then leave them with a kid.

70. 70
    ellemenop
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 9:09 am

    @frizypop (69) — that also makes sense, either way … douche!

71. 71
    crockpot
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Dear Crabby …… awesome, awesome recap!!!

    I think Douche’s mother was a woman of ill repute causing Douche to grow up in a house of women that provided “services” to male cliental. Alas the result was that some of the single women got knocked up pissing Douche off.

    But what really made Douche mad & scarred for life was when these single mothers pointed & laughed at his little tiny pee pee. Poor, dumb, nasty Douche.

72. 72
    flower child
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I noticed two things during this show:
    1. The screen-capped twin looks like Aunt Bea from the Andy Griffith Show and 2. Douchebagdad looks just like my sister’s next ex-husband. I’ll tell her where to find him.

    Great recap – as always!

73. 73
    rubinia
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 11:23 am

    My friends and I call those indentations “sex lines,” or, more colloquially, “cum gutters.”

74. 74
    TurtleGirl93
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    OMG. I feel like a freakin’ celebrity!!!! My name is in print (or whatever the innernets version of print is).
    Okay, back to the recap…

75. 75
    TurtleGirl93
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Did anyone else ever see the movie “Sleepaway Camp”? When “Buddy” stripped of “his” shirt, it somehow reminded me of the big reveal from that movie. (Or “The Crying Game” for people with more sophisticated taste)

    There are no words left for the awesomeness of this recap. We had fauxlebrity drag queens, little people, House of Wax melty faces and so much more. How can T&T ever top this one???

    (Yes, I have absysmal tastes in horror movies.)

76. 76
    Juliet
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    I’m wondering how Douche was able to wear white shirts? When we filmed, they made my Husband, aka I have a slew of Lawyers! Change out of white shirts because they didn’t show up well on camera. Ugggg, he is just nasty. And the Playboy Bunny Baby with Daddy as Hugh is just awful. They are Babies, why can’t parents keep it cute at that age? And the stripper child? I have no wordS!

77. 77
    StageMom
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Well obviously they make an exception if the shirt is douchebaggy enough. Bonus points if it’s offensive to wear at a pageant full of kids!

78. 78
    Chicken Lips
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    @flower child (72) – “2. Douchebagdad looks just like my sister’s next ex-husband. I’ll tell her where to find him.” HAHAHAHAHA!

    @rebecca pressley, ellemenop, frizzypop (66, 68, 69, 70) I had also opined that he is a hit man that kills ladies’ husbands (only if they have kids, of course because of, you know, that whole “I make single moms” thing). Think about it – who would even suspect that someone that is that big of a douche is a professional killer? It’s a perfect cover! Now, the fact that he was advertising it on his t-shirt makes me think that he’s NOT a hit man because who would be that dumb? Oh wait…

79. 79
    Lizbot
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    @ellemop — (re: a “weekend warrior” is someone who parties super hard … so i think they were referring to him being good at partying, not at being a dad.)

    Ahh! Thanks for the clarification. I misunderstood that reference. That makes much more sense.

    I still find it hard to compute “good” in any sentence referring to that particular dad, though…

80. 80
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    This recap was a high point in a history of great recaps, well done Crabby!

    I agree DoucheDad was, well, a douche. I think all reactions here are exactly what he was going for though. I actually think he is a typical tech millionaire, a geeky tech guy struck it rich and now wants to buy the popularity he couldn’t achieve in school.

    I think he loves his kids and is a good dad (part time or not) but doesn’t want to lose his “cool cred” and so tried so hard to look like an asshole so his friends wouldn’t tease him for spending his weekends with cupcake skirts and flippers. I can just picture him sitting around watching the episode with his pals and goofing on the whole thing so he doesn’t have to look like a loving dad who supports a girly hobby.

    You guys would offend him more if you called him adorable and loving daddy who clearly has no connection to the Tees he wears. That would drive him nuts. The tiny penis allegations are probably dead on though!

81. 81
    Gina
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 1:09 am

    where is Gina Kennedy, Scarlett and Isabella’s Nanny? DC said once “We can safely say no one is banging the nanny” )))

82. 82
    ConfusedinCanada
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Crabby, wonderful recap. Horse face hasn’t changed has she still trying to show the world what a big shot she is and it’s really sad that someone feels that this really matters. As for small penis, small brain, large wallet…one day his daughter is going to come to him at 12 or 14 and tell him she’s preggers and maybe then the shirts will change but then again might not

83. 83
    Reagirl
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Noni should move to Miami and get a role on the Real Houswive of Miami, she could be the long lost aunt to Marisol. I love her mother “I am a witch!” Wonderful.
    Speaking of Bravo crossovers, I recognize the pageant director from being on an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and he kept going on and on about how hard it was for him to date in LV because he was soooo famous. Other than that little bit of pretension I thought he was very sweet and down to earth. I was rooting for him to find Love, but that never happens on that show.

84. 84
    Gilty Plezzur
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Wow, this episode really was a feast. First off, I gotta say that Elizabeth and Kylee’s flippers made them look so ghoulish that they reminded me of Lon Chaney in “London After Midnight”:

    http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3041630208/tt0018097

    With the two little ghouls, Lurch Mama and House of Wax Granny, this was a veritable Saturday afternoon Creature Feature! Some surrogate somewhere must be paying for her Master’s Degree with the $$ she’s receiving from Lurch, who looks to be well into her 50s. I was gobsmacked when she brought out an infant son. In defense of her seemingly bratty twins, at three years old, they have a right to be pitchin’ hissy fits at being made to be in these pageants. With all the dough that family has to burn, the girls should be spending their toddlerhood riding ponies or playing in a lavish six-bedroom dollhouse instead of being prodded with mascara wands and being made to wiggle their butts for a lousy Ultimate Grand Supreme title, which reminds me, I’m hungry for lunch.

    Kylee’s douchey dad must be a graduate of Exodus International. The gaydar was radiating all over the place and then here come those T-shirts. WTF? His closet must be as deep as the core at the center of the earth. It looks like he was trying to appear as straight as he possibly could by wearing completely misogynistic apparel. Let’s hope those “cute” sayings on his T-shirts go completely over his daughter’s head.

    What better judges for a kiddie pageant than drag queens? Actually, they should be the required judges at ALL beauty pageants. (I too, couldn’t see Lady Gaga at all in the one who really looked more like Madonna. Brittany and Cher were right on, although Chad Michaels is a more accurate Cher.)

85. 85
    CrazyTrain
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    This quote is on Douchebag dad’s MySpace… very fitting: http://www.myspace.com/lasvegasnet/photos/23628278

86. 86
    nelliebelle1197
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Every little girl should have her very own fairy drag mother

87. 87
    Closet Fan
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I finally watching this episode. I still can’t decide f it was a boy or girl who ripped off their top.

88. 88
    Closet Fan
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    3 girls and one routine. I wonder if Georgina is still in business?

89. 89
    Moli
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Olivianna…really?

90. 90
    nelliebelle1197
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Since I cannot wait for the mini cap I am going to go ahead and admit that my family is from Corinth, Ms., and even though I left as a child I am humiliated that TnT had to subtitle. My mom was humiliated she went to high school with Ava’s grandfather.

91. 91
    FrizzyPop
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Big HAYer and “don’t forget to smoke”…. I’m not even to the halfway mark on tonight’s epi (Beautiful Me) but I can already tell Crabby will have a ball with this one! Can’t wait!

92. 92
    Beth
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Oh I for sure can’t wait to read Crabby’s take on it. Being there and now watching again made me completely agree with my original take on the whole thing!

93. 93
    Jeanneo
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 12:17 am

    U guys those shirts douche was wearing come from Tshirthell.com. All of them are on that site so either he works for them or did it because they r so adult humored he thought he was funny. Seemed gayer than a three dollar bill.

94. 94
    david becks
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 1:44 am

    Hey everyone I know the douche
    bags ex wife.she married him in 2OO3 then divorced him because she knew he was gay/
    dragqueen. she’s so beautiful and has a daughter that looks just like her. She leads a private life do to the fact that she’s going to marry a very well know personality in las vegas.

95. 95
    Gina
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 2:32 am

    david becks, is this the mother? http://www.myspace.com/lasvegasnet/photos/2298480#{%22ImageId%22%3A2298328}
    And I guess that the other girl, Autumn, is Kylee’s sister.
    These photos are public, Douche Dad posted them on myspace a few years ago.

96. 96
    nelliebelle1197
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Um, David, you are not “gay/a drag queen”. Drag queen is a career choice and not part of the human sexuality spectrum.

97. 97
    Bluedog
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 4:24 am

    Our latest episode over here is the other Kylie (the model child) and since it’s too late to comment on that one (although it was fun rereading JLo’s comments) something came up that I was wondering about.

    Is there a different walk for natural pageants and for glitz pageants? If not, wouldn’t the same rules apply except that the dress is glitzed up and the child is wearing one ton of make up and a hair piece etc. etc. It always seems to be such a drama when the child is doing their first glitz when they have only done natural. The basics would be the same surely. Walk to the X’s, smile at each judge, pretty feet, pretty hands, throw kissy kissy, wink, draw a heart around the face. (Oh my god I have been watching this programme too long. I really should not know all that.)

    Hopefully Pageant Grandma or one the pageant mums can enlighten me.

98. 98
    ohthelulz
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Did anyone else notice that around the 25 minute mark (during the segment when they talked about how Kylee and Elizabeth looked so much alike) they spelled ‘pageant’ wrong when Georgina was interviewing? T&T, hire an editor, please don’t look as dumb as the families you feature!

99. 99
    Beth
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 5:55 am

    This pageant was supposed to be a full glitz pageant. So for beauty, all girls under say 10 or 11 should have been wearing typical cupcake dresses, not long dresses, full hair and makeup, tans, etc. The walk for a natural pageant is sometimes more runways style w/ little “routine” to it and girls wear longer flowergirl/Cinderella type dresses. Glitz beauty has a choreographed routine where you hit all 3 x’s and keep your hands and feet a certain way.

100. 100
     Mallory
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 9:55 am

     I’d just like to say a few things about Kylee and her dad. Kylee is a wonderful child and there is no reason under any circumstances to say anything about her. She is an innocent child CRABBY!!! For her dad, he is one of my best friends. He is definetly is not a douche bag. He’s a loving and caring father and friend with a great sense of humor!! Even my parents in their 60′s think that his shirts were funny. If you knew him you’d think they were funny too. Anything said on TV is going to be taken out of context we all know that. He does get more than 2 hours of sleep and he does go out sometimes we he doesn’t have his kids. When he does have the kids he spends quality family time with them. He also doesn’t drink or do drugs. He has a wonderful peppy personality that no one can compare too. I know I already said this, but he is a great father and friend. You should know someone before you saay hurtful things about him or his daughter. Saying she’s going to be a single mother ect…. uncalled for makes you look pretty bad yourself, and you wrote that on the internet about a child….crazy if you ask me

101. 101
     school teacher
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

     This show schoud be off the air.what a shame that the producers are not doing anything about this douchebag so called father.

     Nasty T-shirt comments. Does his father morris approve of this? Morrie mizrahi volunteers at local schools to tutor ESL students.what’s he teaching ? Omg. Someone save that child kylee

     would asume

     .

102. 102
     ellemenop
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 1:00 pm

     @moli — oliviana was bad, but what about jerzee?! that blew them all out of the water for me! even the ones with apostrophes.

     @mallory — wearing those t-shirts to a pageant full of little girls is douchey, and so is wearing them exclusively to “show off” during a tv show. i mean, does he not own any other clothing? i don’t care that your 60-year-old parents think he’s funny.

103. 103
     Frizzypop
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm

     @mallory : Apparently your 60 year old parents have as little class as Douchedad. If you all think that they are ok then you deserve to be “friends” with him. Are you one of the single moms he has created?

104. 104
     Mummy Butterfly
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm

     @Mallory – one t-shirt, worn occasionally around like minded friends, might be funny. An apparent wardrobe of such shirts – and the attitude that not only are the appropriate to wear in front of his daughter, but other little girls, is disgusting. Are you saying producers purchased the shirts and forced him to wear them? Words can absolutely be edited – and I’m sure everyone on this thread will agree that the producers DO edit the people shown, but the shirts? And his CONSTANT wearing of them? That’s him looking like a jack-donkey without help from anyone…

     As for his little girl, I’ll repeat what MANY others have said on these recaps: putting your child on national television, WHILE they are being judged on their looks and personality, then being UPSET when they are *gasp* judged on their looks and personality, is ridiculous. If you want them judged on their brains, spend the time, effort and money to further their education so they can be on the Kid or Teen Version of “Jeopardy” they do every year.

105. 105
     Moli
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

     @ellemenop…Jerzee was horrible, but I had left the site by the time I reheard her name. I swear I thought the first time around he said she was FROM Jersey. Looks like we are back to US cities again since last week(this cap) we had Madrid.
     @Mallory you do realize DaddyDouche wore those shirts on national television and the only people who would NORMALLY find his shirts funny are boys under the age of 20. Just touching on one…How is being able to create ‘single moms’ funny on any level?

106. 106
     Dear Crabby
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 1:40 pm

     @Mallory – anyone over the age of 14 who wears those shirts and thinks they are funny is a total and complete douchebag with a horrible disrespect for women. Kylee is a great kid which is why it is so terrible that her dad thinks those shirts are funny. When SHE brings home a guy who thinks it’s funny to create single moms or thinks it’s okay to “push” a woman who is talking too much, I hope your douchey friend is ready to be a grandfather at an early age and deal with the ramifications of a daughter who thinks it’s okay for guys to push her around – he shows her that’s okay every time he puts one of those things on. I have a great sense of humor and am not politically correct, so I’m not being a Fembot on this one, but I get the feeling when someone uses the phrase “legitimate rape” around him, he completely understands it.

     Like we’ve said before on this site, you can’t fix stupid.

     And I stand by the little dick comments.

107. 107
     snowshoecat
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm

     AWWWWWWWWWWWW GEEEEE!!! Good Friend Mallory got #100.

     What a waste!

     Congratulations again, Crabby Dear

     Sparkle Dingo Baby!!!

108. 108
     nelliebelle1197
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm

     None of daddydouche’s friends who have popped up on here even DISPUTE the ittle wittle weenus comments, Crabby. That tells you something

109. 109
     Nancy
     Posted August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

     So did the one child’s mom die or did she split, leaving dad with the kid? because I find it really hard to believe that dad who most likely only gets his kid every other weekend has time to do pageants with his constant working and partying. He either has to have full custody or mom is gone. I can’t decide. Mom was never mentioned and was not seen at the pageant that I could see. he was surrounded by woman but none of them looked like mom

     As for the twins? They are miserable. I think mom wants to do the pageants more then they do. And what is with the bottles?They are T HREE!

110. 110
     Pageant mom
     Posted September 1, 2012 at 5:31 am

     Hahahahaha!!! You all have no life sitting here commenting talking horrible about children!!! I’m so glad you loved the show and Marty made such a impact on you and your life !!
     @juliet stripper child really !!! Say it to my face !!!!! You got something to say !!!! I got a bunch of lawyers too! Are you sad that your stupid toddlers episode had no impact to have a bunch of these idiots comment!!!
     @stagemom get a fucking life instead of sitting on your fat ass and stalking people on the Internet and trying to find out about ones life!! You should be worried about your life !!
     @nancy the mom is still around has the child more than the dad does!
     @crabbyfan both girls go to private school are well educated and do pageants for a hobby they also do things for the community !! So ya let’s test their intellect skills.. moron
     @ the pageant moms on here!!! Go on a diet fat asses and keep wishing and living threw your children ! Keep talking about other peoples kids because your kids are not worthy..

     As for the rest of you idiots glad you are so jealous of the money these families have. Keep stewing on how rotten your life is and wish your parents gave you a better life !!!!

111. 111
     Pageant mom
     Posted September 1, 2012 at 5:57 am

     I know both families personally!! Our kids do pageants together!!! As for Douche dad) This family is amazing !!!!

112. 112
     angry mom
     Posted September 1, 2012 at 12:45 pm

     Re: pagent moms comment. were you paid to say that huh?if you really are dochebags friend you should give him advice on how to respect women and most important hes daughter ..your comment is stupid! Would you like a douche bag to knock up your daughter and leaving her a single mom and on welfare ?bravo to your stupidity

113. 113
     Sabrian Kay
     Posted September 1, 2012 at 12:52 pm

     I will say again buddy is a boy. They didn’t show swim wear or his tux or even his Thor outfit of choice.

114. 114
     Dear Crabby
     Posted September 1, 2012 at 12:59 pm

     Wow, pageant mom really gets up early to spew, doesn’t she? Sounds like douchebag dad has a douchebag friend. Aren’t you late for your job where men make it rain with sweaty singles? Better hurry up!

     And why do we always get threatened with lawyers? What laws are we breaking here?

     Now I’m starting to understand douchey’s t-shirt with the man pushing the talking woman off the shirt!

115. 115
     LoyalViewer
     Posted September 2, 2012 at 6:21 am

     @Mallory – You are making an ass of yourself. Marty himself said on national t.v. that he parties every night and only gets two hours sleep – why would you claim that is untrue? That guy was a complete misogynist (sorry…is that word too big for you?) asshole and that’s exactly how he came across. If he actually isn’t, then he shouldn’t have acted like one.

     @Pageant Mom – I have no doubt you are a true pageant mom simply by your lack of proper spelling/grammar in your post. Your over-use of exclamation marks is also very distracting (I suggest you watch a certain episode of “Seinfeld”). I will repeat to you what I said above to Mallory…the only reason we think Marty is a douche is because HE HIMSELF made himself look like one on television. Nobody did it for him. You can edit the crap out of these shows, and we know they do, but you can’t edit a persona or put words in someone’s mouth (or shirts on their bodies) unless they say it first!

116. 116
     Nancy
     Posted September 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

     And you would know mom has the kid more then dad how? I highly doubt Daddy who gets his kid ever other weekend has time to do the pageants. Yeah don’t think so.

117. 117
     PageantMomOf2
     Posted September 7, 2012 at 3:16 am

     @pageant mom. Yeah, and I’m so sure you have room to talk. You must be one of the trolls on the boards attacking innocent children. And not all pageant moms are fat you dumbass! But judging from your spelling and grammar, you probably have less than an average IQ.

     Living through your dd so you can make your trailer payments? Pageants are a hobby. Not a way to make a living. And they aren’t a poor persons hobby either. Those are the moms that get so irrate becuse they spent their monthly income on a pageant that little Suzie didn’t win and now they are screwed so they go and trash other kids and cry how unfair it is. At least all these folks can afford it.

118. 118
     Suan
     Posted September 8, 2012 at 8:44 am

     @pagentmomof 2. Trolls ? really? ok Charlie Sheen on the high cloud, you’re now making fun of low income families? money doesn’t buy class you moron,speaking of IQ. hahahahaha. Anyone can be in these pageants but, we as normal parents want to raise a young lady with education speaking of IQ, if you know what that is.