And the icing on the cake is that Noni is wearing a denim shirt that she has tied above her waist, her skirt is a few inches lower but instead of a muffin top, she gives us creepy old lady suntan pantyhose top. Hott. Thanks Noni, for letting us all know who the hell still buys and wears pantyhose in this world. I’m sure those are comfortable on hot Vegas days.
No, that doesn’t make you look old, not at all…it’s very chic.
Elizabeth is hilarious as she says her personality is, “Way over the top. I mean, WAY over the top!” I found this kid totally hilarious overall. I know some commenters said that she had a mean girl vibe – I didn’t feel it, but I could see it if Noni continues to be involved. She strikes me as someone who would instill that in her daughter merely by assuming she’s better than everyone else, instead of just, you know, just “more melty in the face.”
And back in Las Vegas we re-meet New Money Lurch Face, Lurch, who has Twinbos™ and pageant screw ups Isabella and Scarlett. One’s the cutie, ones the beauty, but bother are spoiled brats from Hell! Scarlet won grand supreme the last time we saw her, probably because she FLEW to the pageant on a private jet so she wasn’t tired like the rest of the girls who had to drive within the state borders.
Lurch Mom says having two girls in the pageant doubles her odds of winning. It also doubles your odds of losing, too, dumbass. She says they’ve competed in over 150 pageants since we last saw them, resulting in over 700 trophies and about 450 crowns between the two girls, and Pi number of sashes. Must be that Base 6 math the kids were learning a few years ago.
Doesn’t the one on the right look like Horatio Sanz?
“LOOK AT ME! ONE MORE, THAT’S IT!” Lurch yells as her kids with her bony finger pointed at them, as she feeds them another piece of candy. That was well worth the yell, Jesus. She tells us that Scarlett and Isabella are very different brats.
Get the Tylenol PM, because I don’t think Benadryl is going to fix this situation.
Also with is us Dalton, the girls’ older brother who I’m guessing by the jawline is Lurch’s son, watching over the practicing. Turns out Scarlett is easy going and follows directions, whereas Bella is just a screaming little bitch on wheels who throws things and whines and cries and suddenly my fallopian tubes burst into flames.
Think of this, only bigger.
Also joining us? The girls’ LITTLE brother, Gavin, who is going to have his premier at the pageant once they get the placenta crust off him (use it to condition the girls’ hair!). Then Gavin coughs and it’s pretty cute because clearly he’s surprised to be anywhere, and Lurch says, “Excuse me? Too many cigarettes, huh?” which I thought was hilarious and something I would say to a little kid, then she asks to start over.
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