Auntie Floozy has made Elizabeth’s wedding dress for the Las Vegas theme portion of the pageant. She puts a hat on Elizabeth sideways and calls it French. It’s less crepe and more crap.
Noni tells us that she loves the extravagance of plastic surgery – I’m sorry, of pageantry – and she says she’ll spend any amount of money to help Elizabeth win. Elizabeth says, “Noni spends a GIGANTIC AMOUNT of money on me-me-me-me-me-and sometimes on her – lunch-lunch-lunch.” Is that what we’re calling Botox these days?
Don’t stare directly at it!
Noni tells us that she’s spent $80,000-100,000 on pageants since Elizabeth started last year, which would surprise me but I’m too mesmerized by the flesh between Noni’s upper lip and nose…WHY DOESN’T IT MOVE?
Noni says they were worried the dress would be too poofy, but I actually agree with her when she says nothing can be too poofy. Except her face.
I TOLD YOU, DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT IT!
Kylee is practicing her Jeanie routine with her coach Georgina. Also coached by Georgina? Elizabeth. We start to see some similarities between the routines as Georgina swears there is no conflict of interest because each has their own spin on things – Kylee is polished and Elizabeth is the wild child. But the routines are kind of the same, so, uh, can you explain that again?
Leaving for the pageant with Twinbos is a freakin’ nightmare. Actually, I’m guessing doing anything with twins is a nightmare. The girls are running all over, Lurch is freaking out and grabbing stuff, miscellaneous other children from different baby daddies are grabbing luggage, and some helper girl is trying to get everyone out the door. Hope she’s documented! I also can’t believe I just had to look up the plural form of baby daddy. We’ve come a long way since 9th grade vocab, haven’t we?
Yes, taking that oversized top hat will keep you both from looking too new-money douchy.
Lurch says the hardest part of any pageant is getting everything organized. Sadly, her hard part is coming up on the day of the pageant. Since she likes to travel in new-money style and she’s spoiling her kids to the point where they will be free-loading unproductive members of society/Kardashians, she tells us that they got Scarlett a hot pink stretch Hummer because, you know, three year olds should get everything they want. Jesus, I hope they just rented that.
Oh my freakin’ God, what a bunch of asshats.
Noni is talking about how packing and leaving for a pageant is stressful, mostly because her luggage is made with skin from her original face and it’s hard for her to see it again. But the show must go on and because she doesn’t care for the traffic in Vegas, she has opted to go to Vegas in style – in a helicopter. Because when it comes to raising kids, getting them to places where they are judged on their looks is better when done quickly. Also, Noni needs a longer skirt.
Look! There goes Noni’s youth!
Pages: 1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14