This is turning out to be a fantastic season of Toddlers & Tiaras thanks to the focus being put back on the idiotic, mean-spirited, poor-sportsmanlike, English-language-butchering “adults.” This episode almost had a smackdown and damn if that isn’t something I’d pay to see.
“Welcome to the Carnival” is the sign we see as Pageant Director Dorothy Poteat (ha! Teat!) tell us that the Southern Elite Pageant – Kentucky State theme is “Carnival Glitz.” Isn’t that the theme of every pageant if you think about it? Carnival glitz? Sparkly nutjobs? Circus freaks?
This guy is so excited he just grabbed his front teeth and threw them like confetti!
Dorothy tells us that Kentucky has some of the most serious pageant girls and I beg to differ. Have you been further south? Texas would cut Kentucky like a little bitch in pageants when it comes to serious competition.
Sissy Spacek knows what she is talking about.
First up in Aynor, South Carolina, we see four puppies running and barking and that makes me a little puppymill nervous, but since I don’t see any other evidence of that, I’ll let it go.
Every picture of my dogs comes out the same way!
Gracie, 7, tells us she’s ready to “Whoop that pageant.”
Girl next door with freckles to boot!
Then the crazy is unleashed. Shannon is Gracie’s “real mom” and Aunt Kacie is Gracie’s “real pageant mom.” These two sisters immediately start teasing each other in a fun way and moving around like they are dancing but it sort of makes them look like spastic 12 year olds.
How do they not have black eyes from their boobs?
Shannon never did pageants while Aunt Kacie did so she’s way ahead of the game. Actually, she’s about 2 inches ahead. However, Shannon admits when you combine the two they become “Psycho-level” pageant moms. She is not kidding. They start pulling each other’s hair and suddenly Kacie goes bat-shit rough and shoves – I mean shoves – Shannon almost off of her chair. Then she pretends to choke her. I mean, I know it was all in good sisterly fun, but it just seemed really immature and inappropriate. But this is a show about parading kids around like trained poodles, so actually I guess this behavior is spot-on.
No YOU go for your bra fitting FIRST!
Gracie says her whole family is crazy. We’re already there, thanks. Gracie has a ringmaster costume for the pageant and she’s actually a really cute and funny kid.
These exercises help with my facials!
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