Christie interviews that she understands Cooch has her own way of doing things but she herself is not a fan of trashing on other girls. “That makes me not like pageants,” she says. THAT’S what makes you not like pageants? I don’t like them because of the, you know, kids.
And because breaking wind is NOT a talent.
Gracie says she’s nervous because of Faith-LYNN. Shannon goes all WWF on us and says that if she bumps into Cooch and Gracie’s name comes out of her mouth, “It’s aun’ like Donkey Kaun’.” Nice. “She crosses the line, I’m going for it.” Oh, please, please, please, it would be excellent if this were our first T&T Pageant Mom Fistfight! Or at least a quick slapfest.
First on the schedule is Beauty Wear…Dorothy has to tell a parent to keep their kid away from the balloons onstage as they fall off the stage. Good move, kid, enjoy your participation award!
Personally, I would have let this play out. Oh, the hilarity!
Jersie looks adorable but she’s tripping all over her feet like she’s walking on a high-wire. Non-Genius Non-Coach Madison is there for…well, probably for the Pixie Stix if that clingy baby fat of hers is any clue. “I like coaching because it’s fun and I like pageants. I just mainly need to work on the modeling part,” she says. You mean THE MAIN PART OF THE PAGEANT?
Talk about stress-shitting! Someone needs a new pull-up.
Crisis in Sparkle Town! Turns out sparkly nail polish doesn’t come off very easily, especially when you are trying to do it about 2 minutes before your kid gets called to the stage! Bank of Nana suggests sanding it off with a nail file. Good one. The fake nails are not staying and my question is, Who comes to a pageant without superglue? Or butt glue? Or that E600 or whatever it was they used that one time for eyelashes/to blind that one girl? Think AHEAD, people!
CRISIS! Or as I like to refer to things like this, White People Problems.
Jersie is up in her category and she looks beautiful in her purple dress. She’s really a cute kid although she continues to act like she’s on a tightrope. She walks and trips over her feet a few times but it doesn’t seem to really affect her. Judges thought she was a little bouncy but overall did a nice job. Yay for newbie!
Whoa, when did that stage get here?
Ashley is up next but is still in Fingernail HELL. We get the on-time lecture from the pageant director, per usual. Luckily Ashley does a great job onstage and she’s really poised for such a little kid. One judge thought she seemed a little tired, but maybe it’s because Christie didn’t ply her with enough candy to start a sugar cane farm.
Or maybe she was just doing THEOREMS in her head.
But don’t eat her for it!
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