Ashley is next and she does a Derby theme – great dress, vanity, umbrella and hat and I’m not sure what the whole thing is but I guess she’s getting ready for a day of cheering on horses and hoping they don’t break their fragile little legs while humans get rich betting on them.
I OWN this!
Faith-LYNN gets on in a jockey outfit and Shannon says, “My youngin’ has been talked about by a certain someone, and I just want to prove to that she’s got just as much talent as any other child that steps on that stage.” Then shut your pie-hole!
There’s NO jumping on Derby Day! It’s a running race!
Gracie admits that Faith-LYNN did a great job and it makes her nervous. Gracie gets onstage and looks adorable. She is cute but her routine is really boring – she just bounces a lot but there is no polish or really anything special. She just needs more practice with a real dance coach, I think. Shannon was thrilled because she doesn’t know any better.
Ringmasters don’t booty pop, do they?
And of course CoochMonster has an opinion. “Show ‘em how Gracie socks it to the judges,” she tells Faith-LYNN who does a “quiet” booty pop. Cooch interviews, “More power to you Gracie, way to sock it to the judges. But FIRST learn how to sock it.” Um, just a sidenote. Little girls shouldn’t be “socking it to” ANYONE. I know you don’t get that, Coochie, because you were probably socking it to a bunch of creepy boys in the school bathroom for gum before you hit middle school, but let some of the other girls keep their childhoods. Thanks.
“Now YOU show ‘em how you sock it to the judges,” she tells Faith-LYNN who does a booty pop that even a professional skanky stripper could make enough to put herself through medical assistant-assistant school with and have some left over for some Jägermeister. And I’m pretty sure she just popped her own cherry, so two birds with one stone, I guess.
Faith-LYNN’s hymen, we hardly knew ye.
“She ain’t got no class,” Kacie says to Shannon. And you do, double-negative? We hear a loooong beep as Shannon calls Cooch a bitch. Yeah, I’m with you there, but you are both acting like assholes.
“Gracie don’t want but no enemies,” Shannon incomprehensibly says. “But, a lot has happened between Nikki and me.” Wonder WHOSE FAULT that is?
So they “take it outside” and Shannon says, “I wanna know why y’all got such a problem with my youngin’. Why you said we were rude to you and give you dirty looks last time we met.” Uh, have you seen THIS footage? That road seems to be going BOTH ways.
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