Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Friday, June 1

Friday, June 1

You know how some people are always talking about how the United States was founded on the principle of freedom of religion, and the Pilgrims who came to America held that ideology, etc.? Mary Dyer might have had a thing or two to say about that before she was hanged on Boston Common on June 1, 1660. Her crime? Believing that Quakers had just as much of a right as the Puritans to practice their faith in whatever way they saw fit, something that was a crime punishable first by banishment, but ultimately by death to those Quakers who wouldn’t keep their unholy asses out of Massachusetts.

The Singing Bee (CMT 8pm) (crickets)

This is the reality singing show where the contestants sing karaoke without lyrics, and if they get the words to the song wrong, they are eliminated. Given that I re-write song lyrics all the time and generally end up defaulting to my versions (which are vastly superior, of course,) I’m not even allowed to watch this show without the CMT police coming to my house.

A.N.T. Farm (The Disney Chanel 8pm) Premiere: Chyna, Olive and Fletcher roll out the red carpet for teen movie sensation Sequoia Jones, but things go wrong when she tries to assume Chyna’s identity.

In case your inner-tween-girl needs something to watch tonight.

Best Friends Forever (NBC 8:30) Finale: The gang goes to a gaming convention in Atlantic City to debut Joe’s video game; the ladies cater to nerds in hope of winning their vote; Jessica and Rav question their feelings for each other.

Renewal Status: This show was cancelled almost before it left the gate. As the website where I get my renewal information said, “Did you even know it was on?”

Whale Wars (Animal Planet 9pm) Premiere: Capt. Paul Watson and the Sea Shepherds return for another confrontation with Japanese whalers; the team gambles on a plan designed to intercept the enemy before they reach the whaling grounds.

I don’t know why, but after reading this description, I totally want to write a Whale Wars graphic novel.

Much like this.

The Ultimate Fighter Live (FX 9m) Finale: No info was given, but it’s 3 hours long, so I’m guessing that people will be fighting. A lot.

Renewal Status: Not only is it renewed, but the first episode of season 16 airs tomorrow. Dana White is gloating all the way to the bank.

The Ricky Gervais Show (HBO 9pm) Karl discusses his view on capital punishment; Karl reveals how he would negotiate a hostage situation.

I totally want Ricky Gervais handling my hostage situation. “I’ve negotiated you to come to the window, and I’m gonna shoot you in the ‘ead, you dopey prat!”

Louisiana Lockdown (Animal Planet 10pm) Premiere: Warden Cain and his staff make the difficult decision to evacuate Angola when the Mississippi River’s rising waters threaten to flood the penitentiary.

The main focus of this show will be on the inmates who have reached trustee status and are allowed to train dogs, horses, and herd cattle. The prison also has an annual rodeo that some of the inmates compete in.

Texas Women (CMT 10pm) Everyone is wondering, on the last night of their Vegas trip, will Hannah and Brooke come to blows or bury the hatchet.

The bastard child of Real Housewives and GCB.

The Culinary Adventures of Baron Ambrosia (The Cooking Channel 10pm) Baron searches for P.T. Barnum’s tasty treasure; Peruvian ceviche; Haitian oxtail; Jamaican jerk chicken.

It sounds like a series of young adult steam punk novels.

Magic City (Starz 10pm) Finale: Judi Silver falls into Klein’s hands; Victor and Mercedes receive bad news; Lily and Stevie’s affair turns dangerous; Ike faces an uncertain future as he juggles his family obligations and business arrangements.

Renewal Status: Renewed. Is anybody watching this, and if so, can you please confirm or refute my belief that this is basically just a sub-par version of Boardwalk Empire?

What will you be watching tonight?