Hey, so I was having technical issues yesterday and couldn’t get the Top 10 up before I went to work. I wrote the jokes and I don’t like throwing away things so you will be getting a super-sized Top 10 edition today. Thursday’s Top 10 belated, Friday/Sunday’s Top 20. Sorry, Saturday, you have to step up your programming game. Let’s do this.
Thursday November 8
“Fuck!” – Gordon Ramsay (November 8, 1966; age 46)
The X Factor (8PM, FOX) Contestants face elimination; One Direction performs.
Can we eliminate One Direction?
The Big Bang Theory (8PM, CBS) Bernadette wants Wolowitz to move out of his mom’s house
The hardest moment in a young Jewish boy’s life. Maybe second hardest after we define “young”.
The Voice (8PM, NBC) Two artists from each team are eliminated; Maroon 5 performs; Jermaine Paul performs.
As long as we’re getting people who are relevant can we book Five for Fighting? Yellowcard? Semisonic? Matchbox 20?
Glee (9PM, FOX) Mr. Schuester struggles with a decision.
Boxers or briefs?
Person of Interest (9PM, CBS) The machine’s latest number sends Reese to the suburbs
How will he find them in the endless sprawl? Hopefully he won’t be already bored by the time the first bombs fall.
Project Runway All Stars (9PM, Lifetime) Graffiti artists help the designers spray paint fabric from which they must create wearable art.
I wish Banksy was one of the artists.
Burn Notice (9PM, USA) The gang cook up a hijacking scheme in order to escape from Panama
That boat should pass through the canal any second now…
Jersey Shore (10PM, MTV) Sammi confronts Deena about her antics
“So you don’t want to see the boobs?”
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (10PM, FX) All go to the therapist’s office to work through their mountain of issues
This may be the one time where a therapist is more in danger of committing suicide.
The League (10:30PM, FX) Kevin decides to run for judge and ends up at a charity event with Ryan Fitzpatrick
Ryan Fitzpatrick knows all about charity on Sundays.
Friday November 9
“Hulk smash!” – Lou Ferrigno (November 9, 1951; age 61)
Kitchen Nightmares (8PM, FOX) Ramsay tries to help the owners of New York Italian restaurant Mama Maria’s
“It’s the day after my birthday. Tell Mama Maria to fuck off.”
America’s Next Top Model (8PM, CW) The models wear bikinis in a photo shoot for a fragrance ad.
Who the fuck would wear perfume to the beach?
Undercover Boss (8PM, CBS) Tilted Kilt President Ron Lynch goes under cover.
Had to look up Tilted Kilt. It is a Celtic themed Hooters. As an Irish alcoholic, how do I not know about this. I need to get out more. Conflicts with Mega-sized columns though. Hmm.
Fringe (9PM, FOX) Episode Title: Through the Looking Glass and What Walter Found There
Walter would be the one to follow a white rabbit.
Grimm (9PM, NBC) Hank remembers an arrest he made earlier in his career when a man claimed he committed murder in self-defense against monsters.
“The guy was covered in hair but I assumed he was a Robin Williams impersonator not a monster.”
Shark Tank (9PM, ABC) Comedy writer Bruce Vilanch presents a computer instruction project.
Bruce Vilanch is alive??? I figured they left him on the top row of the Hollywood Squares game board until he just withered away. I mean, it would’ve taken awhile, but still.
Blue Bloods (10PM, CBS) When a man is stabbed by an attacker dressed as the spirit of death, Danny investigates a voodoo community.
You can’t go supernatural until at least season seven. Poor form, Blue Bloods.
Sunday November 11
“Two pills? Great. Why don’t you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my fucking head off!” - Leonardo DiCaprio (November 11, 1974; age 38)
Amazing Race (8PM, CBS) One team makes a significant mistake.
Did somebody lose their passport again? Or forget to learn how to drive stick?
Sunday Night Football (8PM ET, NBC) Houston Texans vs. Chicago Bears
Be it Matt Schaub or Jay Cutler, one of them isn’t making it out of this game alive….Da Bears!
Once Upon a Time (8PM, ABC) Ruby’s fear about turning into a wolf is confirmed when she becomes the prime suspect for a vicious murder
So instead of an insanity plea, when she goes to court does she “cry wolf”?
Family Guy (9PM, FOX) The cast and crew celebrate the show’s 200th episode.
Does this 200 include Cleveland Show and American Dad? Because let’s be honest…
Revenge (9PM, ABC) Mason Treadwell examines Emily’s past
He’s glad her Facebook timeline is up to date.
The Good Wife (9PM, CBS) Episode Title: Anatomy of a Joke
Likely not going to be found on a show birthed from the Eliot Spitzer scandal.
The Walking Dead (9PM, AMC) Rick struggles after another loss
Did some provider join Dish?
The Real Housewives of Atlanta (9PM, Bravo) Phaedra and Kandi bond with Kenya, who is struggling with family pressures
Naming your child Phaedra or Kandi should be punishable by death in all 50 states.
Boardwalk Empire (9PM, HBO) Nucky vows to eliminate his nemesis
For a gangster show, that’s like naming a Friends episode The One Where They Go To Central Perk.
Dexter (9PM, Showtime) Dexter and Hannah’s relationship heats up.
When you start off a relationship trying to murder them, you can only go up.
The Real Housewives of Miami (10PM, Bravo) Joanna competes in a volleyball tournament.
At least whipped husbands/boyfriends will have a scene or two to enjoy this episode.
The Mentalist (10PM, CBS) When a reporter is murdered, the team thinks she may have gotten too close to a story
The knife wound was a dead giveaway.
Homeland (10PM, Showtime) Brody attends a well-heeled fund-raiser at a Virginia horse farm.
Rafalca’s second home is in Virginia. Let’s hope there’s not an incriminating photo taken of Brody riding her.
Did I miss your favorite show? Tell me what you’re watching in the comments below. Want my opinions on not just TV. To follow my personal tweets, click here.